『meant to be』ON HOLD.

5.

johnny's pov

i hate seeing her so upset. we've been touring the city, somehow avoiding one another even though there's only four of us. nadia has no clue, and lauren sees something has happened but obviously hasn't asked. and the absolute worst part? knowing it's my fault that she's like this.

"well, y'all have had a long travel and day. wanna head back home and chill in our apartment?" nadia asks, smiling up at me and i fidget with our intertwined fingers. it's so awkward to be holding hands in front of mackenzie and act like i don't know her, when i honestly know her better than i know my girlfriend.

"sure." lauren smiles.

"oh, are they staying with us?" kenzie asks, trying to sound casual but sounding more upset and angry.

"yeah, is that okay?" nadia asks.

"i mean, it's not like i have a choice." mackenzie says under her breath before walking ahead of us. lauren knits her eyebrows together before glancing at me anxiously. nadia drops my hand and gives us an apologetic smile.

"i don't know what's up with her, i'm so sorry." nadia says before chasing after kenzie. i watch her catch up to kenz and see them start to talk.

"okay, what happened?" lauren sounds angry.

"i don't know, we were talking at brandy melville and she was asking like why i changed my name, when i met nadia. she got mad because i met nadia a week after. we were trying to make up so it wouldn't be awkward, but she got too mad."

"john, of course it's gonna be awkward! mackenzie was the only girl you ever loved. nadia is her best friend who you used to get over kenzie. but it didn't work, you still love her, and kenzie isn't over you either, and nadia has no clue you ever even dated her best friend, let alone used her to get over kenzie. you need to stop getting yourself into these situations." lauren tsks, but my head spins from everything she just said.

mackenzie isn't over me? i'm still in love with her, but i'm dating her best friend? bullshit. i need to talk to kenzie, i need us to be okay again.

"john, hello? go talk to her!" lauren scoffs, waving a hand in front of my face to get my attention.

"yeah. i'll go talk to kenz, good idea." i say, sounding confident, but my heartbeat seems to disagree. i don't want to mess up, not again.

"kenzie? um, no. you need to tell nadia the truth. you don't love her, you never did. you love her best friend. except, make it sound more sensitive. good luck." lauren shoves me forward, pushing me right into mackenzie from behind. we both stumble and nadia steadies the both of us.

"are you both okay?" she asks, looking concerned. i nod without looking at her or kenzie. i cant do this.

"john needs to tell you something!" lauren hollers before grabbing kenzie's arm and yanking her back.

"what's wrong baby?" nadia asks, concerned.

"oh, um." i bite my lip and glance back at lauren and kenzie. "yeah, no, it's nothing."

"are you sure?" she asks.

"positive."

"okay." she smiles softly. shes staring at me, probably expecting me to look back at her, but when i try, all i can see is that i'm a cheater. an emotional cheater. because it's true. i have feelings for mackenzie, while i'm dating her best friend. and if that's not a cheater, i don't know what is.

—

we arrive at the apartment by 6pm, so the girls start cooking dinner. they invited me to help, but i had declined, asking if i could shower instead. i needed to clear my head.

"the bathroom's past the bedroom, on the right." nadia said. i nodded weakly, still unable to look her in the eye.

i walked out of the kitchen and past the living room, turning into a small hallway. there were two doors, so i opened the first one, but it belonged to the bedroom. kenzie and nadia's bedroom. glancing behind me, i walked in and went to the right side of the room.

i could tell it was mackenzie's half because of the clothing rack with hoodies lined up on it (nadia almost never wore hoodies, and kenzie couldn't live without them), the polaroids taped up of her and friends and family, and most shockingly, the teddy bear that lay on her desktop.

the teddy bear that i gave her, 1 1/2 years ago, when i had visited her. i'd bought it for her because she had complained to me about how her dog had chewed up her childhood teddy bear. i'd bought it as a replacement. and she had kept it. i walked over to her desk and picked up the stuffed animal in shock.

"what are you doing?!" i hear a voice squeak out from the doorway. i whirl around, dropping the teddy bear back on the desk. it's mackenzie.

"i'm sorry, i was just looking for the–"

"no! get out!" her face is red, and she looks more upset than angry. unable to find the words to apologize, i leave.

highkey hate this book. ohwell :):
-ria