The Wolf

Ch. 26: The Truth and The Struggle

~Nico~

The morning sunlight blares through the window, but it doesn't have an effect on me. I've been awake for hours now, fighting down the memories from Nyx and the pain of recovery. I swallow thickly as I watch nightmarish scenes unfold on the blank ceiling, as though it was a movie.

A knock on my door pulls me from my thoughts. Groaning, I swing my feet over the edge of the bed. Dom stands at the doorway, looking a little nervous. He must be confused after what happened yesterday when I came home without a word. He fiddles with his fingers and bites his lips.

"So, ah, breakfast is ready, Nico," He informs quietly, gauging my reaction.

I give him a fake smile, "Sounds great, Dom, let's go." I wave him on and drag myself behind him.

I have no appetite so I'm not sure how this is going to pan out. Shocks course through my brain and I wince, grabbing the wall to steady myself. A series of images pop up, making me clench my jaw.

I wanna see the color of your eyes when you scream.

Shut the hell up, Nico!

You don't deserve to be alive!

Dom looks back at me, concern etched into his features, but he doesn't say a word. I try to give him a reassured smile, but I'm not sure it works. Shakily, I sit at the counter just as Dom places a plate of food in front of me. Its contents are eggs, bacon, and toast. My fingers tremble as I pick the fork and take a petite bite. My hopes fall. The eggs taste like rubber, the bacon is cardboard, and the toast is styrofoam. I eat the meal nonetheless. Even if I don't feel like it, I know that it's good for me, and I don't want Dom to worry-- it might be too late for that.

Dom goes about washing the dishes and humming happily, while it seems as though a dark cloud has settled over my head. More images and more pain. I eat half of the breakfast before sneakily scraping the rest into the garbage, feeling guilty already.

"Well, I'm going to go visit the infirmary to get a check-up," I say, handing Dom my dish.

"OK, see you later then," Dom says, not even sparing a glance as he focuses on the task at hand.

I wobble down the hall until I reach the front door. I add layer by layer as I prepare to face the cold outdoors. Even though I'm prepared for the chilly weather, it still takes my breath away as I step outside. My steps are uneasy as I walk through the camp, images sometimes completely taking over, forcing me to stand stock still.

Another wave of memories washes over me and I close my eyes, biting my lip until I taste iron. I'm crying in my bedroom that resides in the attic. Uncle Joe just beat me again. My mind keeps shifting to the same thought: what's the point? I rock myself back and forth. Sniffing, I stand up and slink into the bathroom. Behind the mirror are my best friends. A bottle of pills and a razor. The tears that dampen my cheeks aren't from the pain anymore but from what I'm about to do. I grab both of the items and...

"Nico?" A warm hand on my shoulder sends tingles throughout my entire body.

My eyes snap open to meet Alex's beautiful pale blue ones. For a moment it's as though all the pain disappears and is swept away by some unseen current. I try to say something, but I'm speechless. His face is scrunched in concern, I feel my heart drop. Oh no.

"Are you OK?" He inquires, stepping closer to me.

"Ah, yeah, I'm great. How about you?" I quickly change the subject, ignoring the throbbing pain coming from my neck.

"I'm doing good. Why were you just standing there with your eyes closed? You looked like you were in pain, you also seem a bit pale." Alex inches his face closer, inspecting my wellbeing.