The Wolf

Ch. 51: A Deal With the Devil

~Nico~

The last ribbons of gray sunlight slip behind a curtain of shifting clouds. I sit for a while in the wintry air as I try and convince myself to go inside.

"Home sweet home. There's nothing quite like it, is there?" Nyx says. The illusion I've created of her sits nonchalantly on the doorstep.

"Damn, I forgot about you," I mutter.

She gives me a look of false-hurt. "Ouch, Nico, that really hurts me in here," She holds a hand over her chest dramatically.

"Oh, give it a rest," I sigh, rolling my eyes.

"No, I won't," She says, "you know that you're stupid, right?"

I don't say anything, I already know that she's going to enlighten me with her knowledge.

"You had everything you could ever want, but you gave it up for a world like this? Do you know what they call that, Nico? Insanity."

"What does it matter if I gave it up? It wasn't real. Even if I woke up when I was satisfied, that doesn't mean things would be fixed here."

"You just don't understand, do you?" Nyx scoffs at me like a simple child that can't figure out that a square block doesn't fit in a triangle-shaped hole.

I grit my teeth together. "Just what don't I understand?"

"Things in this world will never be fixed. Alex will never love you. You'll never be happy. That was your last chance at a happy-ever-after, you know? And you wasted it for a world that doesn't appreciate you." Nyx breaks into hysterical laughter, clutching her stomach as though she just told the funniest joke in the world. Her laughter echoes loudly against the winter silence. It bounces off the surrounding buildings and reverberates in my ears.

Every last thread of my patients snaps at her taunting. "So what!? I know what I gave up, but I can't just abandon everything here because I 'feel like it.'"

"Oh, yeah? Is that what you think? Just whose words are you spouting? Because they're not yours."

"How would you know?" I hiss.

She looks at me like I'm an idiot. "I'm in your head, duh. I know your real feelings. Your desires." The look in her eyes is twisted and malicious.

A lump blooms in my throat. That's can't be true, is what I want to tell myself, but I can only lie to myself so much. I know that she's just a creation from my own warped brain. Everything I know, she knows.

"You already know the truth, don't you? But you can't seem to accept it. How about we talk about your feelings?" 

A hard wind blows through the parking lot, and even though I can't feel the cold I still shiver. My mouth goes completely dry, causing my lips to stick to my teeth. My tongue feels too big and clumsy in my mouth. The air won't seem to stay in my lungs.

"I'd rather not," I say, my voice comes out like a croak.

"No, you have to let your feelings out sometimes, Nico," Nyx says with a smug smile on. She's clearly enjoying herself.

My hands start trembling, feeling numb and clammy. "Stop, Nyx, I don't want to hear it."

"I've done some digging in that head of yours and wanting to die isn't healthy. And it seems that urge is even stronger since you left the dream world. So don't you think you should have just stayed in there? Because you already know that this world won't let you die, and you already know that living is harder than being dead."