Crown-less Kings

I don't know why it's taken so long tbh whatever finally

I sigh and slowly climb up the stairs. I know neither Reagan nor Riley are here which makes me a tad bit more nervous. I know Rey doesn't fully feel comfortable being alone with me, even if he's been getting better. 

I hesitate outside his door before knocking lightly. He might or might not be asleep. Its Monday, a day that Rey doesn't work, so sometimes he's awake earlier in the day. I turn the knob slowly and open the door a smidge. 

I see Rey turn around in his seat, the music might be a tad bit too loud for him to have heard my knocking. When he see's me, he spins around and presses something on his laptop that turns down the music but doesn't shut it off all the way. I almost smile at that.

"Uh, Hey Barkley," He stands up and I take a deep breath at the sight of him.

"Can I come in?" I only open the door slightly more, "I can come back later when someone else is home if you want-"

"Uh, yeah. Come in," He shakes his head but I can still tell he's nervous.

I nod, and step through the doorway slightly, before slipping off my shoes. It's become a habit that I don't even think about anymore. I don't go farther, so theres a couple feet between us and twist my knuckles.

"Listen, Rey, I wanted to apologize for what happened Friday. I totally ruined the entire night and I guess you were right about me coming to you instead of your sisters, but I think I'm still a little confused and I didn't know what to do. And then Braden, of course, Braden, became Doctor Phill or some shit and gave me all this surprisingly smart relationship advice - I mean I shouldn't doubt him, he and Freddie are cute and have been going strong for sometimes. Anyway, he told me that nothing will change if we don't set aside our own equally great stubbornness and talk and listen to each other then maybe we can understand each other sides and like better ourselves or something? Anway, I'm sorry but I can't understand why it's a big deal to you and I'm sorry for that too," And then I take a big breath after not breathing. 

I just stare at him. And he stares back. My heart starts to pound more and my brain over thinks and goes places I don't want it to go but it does and I have to hold back the stinging tears in my eyes.

"Talk. Please. Anything," My voice is pleading and I hate that.

Rey looks down at the floor and back up again, "I'm sorry. Too, I mean. I kind of just flipped out on you with really explaining a whole lot. I guess I was caught up in the moment."

I nod, "I understand, and we had our space but now I really need you to explain where you were coming from."

Rey nods and sucks a breath through his teeth, "I guess, i guess I'm still scared in a way. That this, what I think is so amazing and love and everything, is maybe not what it seems. I don't want you to doubt me. I don't want to be the couple that can't talk to each other-"

I absent-mindedly take a step forward, "We don't have to be!"

"It's just when you brought him up, I panicked. Because I've been getting the guts for weeks now to try something. Weeks, Barkley. Because I like you so much and I want to do everything with you. But it always goes back to that night, and if I can do it as well, and if I can please you and if I'm just useless in this relationship."

I take a deep breath and take another step forward so we're only a foot away, "You're perfect how you are. I don't need you to be some sex god, Rey. Just the idea that someday hopefully I'll get to even be with you like that is enough. Trust me, I've wanted to for weeks too. But I know that maybe we're not ready-"

"You mean I'm not ready," I try to open my mouth and interject but Rey shakes his head and continues, "I know it's like that, Bark. I know it's all on me because of my fucked up past and everything included. And my 'innocence' and all that bullshit!"