Stories of Skyrim

Farkas

"Can you wait here a moment?" Faldi paused in the middle of the College's icy bridge. Farkas gave her a funny look, stopping beside her. She stepped to the edge, her toes dangling over. He nearly reached out to yank her back when she gave a Shout; "FEIM ZII!"

And jumped.

Farkas wasn't ashamed of the scream that he released, lunging for the edge of the bridge to see her glowing form disappear into the snowstorm below. "FALDI!" he roared, terror pulsing in his veins. The wolf scrambled for release and he very nearly let it, knowing the sharper senses might be able to pick up on where she had landed.

Forcing himself up, Farkas sprinted along the bridge. He ignored Faralda asking what was wrong, ignored the guards giving him odd looks, ignored the Jarl's servant trying to catch his attention. Farkas flung himself down the sharp decline, scrabbling for a hold on rocks and ice. He barely noticed the sharpness shredding his skin, or the trail of blood he had left behind. His thoughts were focussed solely on her, on finding her, praying to the Nine that she would be clinging to life... but not even the Dragonborn could survive a fall from that height.

Pushing thoughts of her broken, mangled body aside, Farkas staggered on through the gusts of frigid wind beneath the bridge. His eyes scanned the banks of the river, his heart pounding out of his chest. Akatosh wouldn't let his Champion die, surely.

"Farkas!"

Her voice. Nearly whipped away by the wind, but it was her voice, calling his name. He shook his head to banish the illusion. The Gods wouldn't torment him like this. She was dead, he knew she had to be dead, and now... the Divines would keep her safe, they'd give her back- Alduin was still out there, she had a destiny, she couldn't be... couldn't be...

"FARKAS!"

He turned to the sound, expecting a ghost. The Faldi he saw was very solid looking, very real- and very warm, when she reached him and took his hands in hers. "What are you doing down here?" she asked, exasperated. "I said wait up there, and you're... you're white as a ghost, are you alright?"

Unable to speak, he touched his fingertips to her cuirass. Faldi watched him with unbridled amusement, curious to see what his next move would be. Farkas dragged his hands up to her face, cupping her chin in both palms and seeing the blood from his shredded hands colour her skin. He could feel her. He could touch her. She could clearly feel him; Faldi shivered at the cold touch of his hands.

"Faldi," Farkas breathed out, and yanked her close. He buried his face into her neck, breathing her in, wrapping his arms around her tightly. Faldi yelped in surprise but soon melted into the hug, laughing.

"By Talos, what's gotten into you?" she said brightly.

Farkas swallowed hard, twice, before he could make himself utter two words. "You're alive."

It took a second for the words to sink in. The moment they did, Faldi felt her heart plummet faster than a Dragonborn off a bridge. In the hazy confusion, she had forgotten he didn't know. Farkas didn't know why she jumped, didn't know she would be fine afterwards. She had explained it to Aela, to Vilkas, but Farkas hadn't known what she was doing.

Divines, he had just seen her leap into the abyss with no possible way to survive. How could she have been so stupid, so thoughtless, so utterly consumed with her needs that Farkas slipped her mind entirely? "I'm sorry," Faldi whispered, stroking both hands through his hair. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, Farkas I'm sorry."

It took a minute for his tremors to subside. Another minute for him to get his voice working, and another still to wrap his head around the broiling emotions storming inside. Farkas pushed her away very carefully. Faldi's hands fell from his hair and her voice left his ears, letting him clear his mind to think. "You," he growled, hands curling into fists at her side. "You scared the fucking shit out of me! Why the fuck would you- how did you- I thought you were dead! Do you understand? I thought I watched you jump to your fucking death, Faldi!"

She flinched at his volume, bowing her head. "I am so, so sorry, Farkas."

"What in all Oblivion were you thinking?!"

Faldi couldn't meet his eye. "I wasn't thinking. It's not something I planned to do, I just... I had to," she said, knowing the explanation was meaningless. She let out a sigh, pushing down tears. "It's the closest I'll ever get to flying."

Farkas was glowering at her still. "Repeat that."

"I said," Faldi's gaze snapped up to his. "It's the closest I'll ever get to flying."

Farkas sucked in a furious breath. "What?"

"I don't know how to explain it."

"Try," he said sharply.

Faldi took a slow breath, not quite able to hold his gaze. She pressed both hands into her abdomen as if warding off pain, her eyes sliding shut as she faced into the wind. "It never used to be like this. I remember as a child I loved being up high, loved seeing the world from above... but it was never so... demanding. The longer I live with the dragon souls, the more I can feel myself losing grip of my humanity. They... I can hear them," she pointed to her head, not her ears. "Whispering. Calling me to the sky with my brothers and sisters, but I can't just up and fly and so they get louder."

Farkas listened. The concept of voices in his head was familiar. He heard the wolf, sometimes, howling rage and bloodlust demanding to be free. He only had one voice. Faldi had dozens. If he had a dozen wolves in his head howling for release, Farkas knew he would struggle to bear that burden. "Does it hurt?" he asked at length.

Faldi's face crumpled for a moment, before she pulled herself back under control. "After what I just did, you're worried about me?" she asked in a very small voice. Laughed, but it sounded like a sob. "Farkas..."

"I hear the wolf," he admitted, seeing her attention turn on him fully. "When I'm angry, or scared. It's always there but when it gets loud, it's hard to ignore. Sometimes I get headaches like you wouldn't believe."

"Me too," Faldi whispered.

Farkas flashed a smile. "Does it... help?" he asked, pointing up at the distant bridge. Faldi followed his gesture and surprise flashed across her face, like she hadn't realised before just how high it was. From below, it was difficult to see the bridge as anything more than a dark smudge.

"For a bit," she said, with a shrug. "It's always there. But at least I can hear my own thoughts now."

They were quiet, both considering the demons they carried. Farkas considered again making the trek to Ysgramor's tomb. He would brave the spiders this time and could finally be rid of the beast blood. Sleeping the whole night through sounded like a dream, but he knew Faldi slept like the dead- when she rarely allowed herself to. She reached up and scratched her fingers lightly through the scruff on his chin, silently beckoning him to follow her back up to the town. She knew the path well. Farkas knew she had made the jump before.

"Faldi."

"Hmm?"

He stopped walking on the porch of the inn, catching her hand before she could enter. "Promise me something," he said, trying to keep the begging note out of his tone. Faldi nodded, albeit warily. "If you need to... to do that again... you'll warn me."

A blush started on her cheeks and quickly flamed across her face. Sheepishly, she pushed up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "I will," she promised, tugging him through the door and out of the cold. Farkas followed her readily.