twenty two - wheein & hwasa

part four

in which everyone else is happy.

wheein

it's been weeks, maybe. months, even. It's hard to keep track of time when everything feels the same, what with everyone else with their special someone and wheein being left alone. she can't help feeling undeniably jealous of her friends, who seem to be trapped inside their own little bubbles of happiness, erasing the outside world. they don't talk to her as much anymore, in fact, she seems to be home alone more than she has ever been in the previous history of her existence.

wheein is trying to focus on her studying, on her application to colleges, on her possible exchange year to america, on the good things that are going on in her life. those are the hardest things to focus on when distractions are all around her. they glare from her youtube recommended, eyes flaming from the national tv. she wishes she didn't care so much. but it's hard, when she's supposed to.

it was 12.01 a.m, three weeks ago, when she had called hwasa first. she had had a bad day at her job. meaning that she had made a mistake on the cupcake icing and the chef had yelled at her, and sent her home. the cafe had been short on workers at that time, so they couldn't fire her. she arrived home crying, and upset, and had spent the entire afternoon eating caramel popcorn and watching netflix. wheein is sensitive, it's the only way to describe it. in a moment of impulsiveness, she had misstepped on hwasa's number and suddenly the phone was ringing, so she held it to her ear. it had rung a couple times, four to be exact, and finally hwasa picked up. 

"hello?" she had whispered. 

"hello, can i help you?" a silken voice had replied. 

"hi, yes, this is wheein?" wheein whispered cautiously. she heard an uncertain hum from the end of the line. "huh," the voice sounded like they were walking. "hold on.." the sound of flicking through pages had rustled through her ears like the leaves on the trees outside. "wheein.... wheein..." they had hummed. "sorry, wheein. i don't have your number on the book, you shouldn't be able to call this number..." they apologized coldly.

"no! no.. i'm wheein, like your soulmate wheein.." wheein had exclaimed, feeling the tears that were already pricking her eyes. "oh!" the voice on the other side had laughed "hey, then.. how's life?" hwasa had asked. wheein pushed back her tears, and took a breath. "not so good. nearly got fired today," she had chuckled. "what about you?" 

but there were more voices on the other end of the line, male voices telling hwasa to shut it off, that they needed her to go to the manager, that not much could be more important than what was happening, and then rushed goodbyes were said and the phone had been slammed to the desk.

wheein had lain awake, staring at the ceiling, listening to the empty chatter of the radio next door. when she woke up the next morning, she wasn't sure when she had fallen asleep.

now, the clock ticks on mercilessly, each second feeling stretched out over an eternity, each person moving in slow motion, their happiness radiating off of them, pouring out of every pore. wheein fell asleep at work today. her eyes have formed dark circles, that bloom painfully in a vivid blue-violet, the same colour as a bruise. she spends her free time in her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, trying to ignore the ache that pulsates through her veins every time she has time to herself. she ignores her other half, the piece of her heart that she left behind with the person of whom she is most afraid of. and they bleed painfully, the cracks in her mask, every time she sees that person. that person who is trapped in a cage. that person who she wants the most. that person who she is most afraid of. 

she's slowly becoming number. faking happiness becomes easier until it's her second nature. lying is her mother tongue. she's fluent and excersized in making people believe that she's okay, in tricking people into trusting that the glint in her eye is happiness.

wheein is most definitely not okay.