Brooklyn Lights

Chapter 11

Hey guys! SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN LIKE YEARS. I've been so busy and tired from work recently. Havent had the time to do it! Hope this makes up for it!:) The photo that has been attached in the side is a representation of Emily in the first couple of paragraphs and a little insite to how she feels. The song I feel helps represent how Emily feels about Chris! Thankyouuuuuuu!:)  I'M GETTING SO MAD THE PICTURE WONT SHOW. IF YOU WANT TO SEE, MESSAGE ME. Vicki<3

***Emilys P.O.V***

Another punch, another kick, another word. Another way in which Chris hurts me. Nobody knows, no one. It just lies between me and him. To the rest of the world, he is just a quoir boy with the biggest heart. To me? He is my abusive boyfriend. He ruins me. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I don't understand why he does it. Maybe it's just his way in which he can get out his anger, take it out on someone he knows won't respond, won't react. Why? Because he knows I'm scared of him. I'd much rather it be me then someone else. But I can't stop the thoughts going around in my head. Why me? I thought he loved me? 

It's even gotten to the stage where I can only get peace hiding in my bathroom. I mean right now, I'm just curled up in a ball in the corner of my shower. I had to turn the shower on, he'd burst in otherwise. Give me another beating, chuck unnecessary words at me. I wouldn't even take my clothes off. That would mean I'd have to stare at the remains of the attacks, the cuts, the bruises. I can't take that. 

I hate being in the shower now, the hot water running over my cuts sting like hell but you know what? Why should I care? I sometimes just wonder if I deserve all this you know? Deserve being hit. Deserve his abuse. Only god knows. 

I am the type of person who will sit in the shower and cry, cry until I can't release any more sobs, any more emotion to flow out of my body, then straight after I'll walk out like everything is okay. Like nothing is bothering me. I have too! For my own safety. And you know what? I have to do that right now. 

Stepping out the shower, I gently take off my clothes that are clinging to my body. If I even skim the cuts I'll end up crying. I stand away from the mirror. I can't bare to face my reflection. Washing away the stained make up on my face, I wrap a towel around my body and quietly walk into my bedroom. My parents have been away all week and Chris straight away stayed over without asking. I can't stop him. When Chris want's something, he gets it. 

I know what you guys are probably thinking, but I always act super tough when I'm with Dee or anyone else. Well, that's me. The normal me. When I'm with her I don't have to pretend, I can be who I am. I can't do that when I'm with Chris alone. I have to be who he wants me to be. 

Walking over to my wardrobe, I pull out my outfit for today. I know it'll be short notice but I really want to meet up with Dee today. I can't stay at home. Not if Chris is going to be there. 

No one understands how badly I want to wear my outfit I bought a little while back. I think I bought if a few months back actually, before me and Chris started to date. Me and my mom went out shopping. Yes, I hate shopping. I can't tell you how much I do. But, I was spending time with my mum so I didn't care what we was doing. She bought me this entire outfit which I have been dying to where for months on end. And now finally the summer has arrived and I can't where it. 

See I'm okay at the moment, none of my family are home so I can where what I want around the house, not needing to cover the marks. But, when they are home I have to cover up. They probably do find it weird that I always seem to wear long sleeve tops but they never ask. Which to be completely honest, I'm happy about.

My mom bought me a black aztec shaped crop top, LOS Angeles top, white shorts and grey converse. I'm not really a girly girl type person, but nor am I a tomboy. I'm somewhere wedged in the middle and I love it.