His Misunderstood Mute

°•°Chapter 8°•°

*Cassidys Pov*

You know something?  Life sucks.

Sure people ask if your okay but they don't really care. They never do.

That's what I was thinking when I got out of the shower and Xander was waiting by the door. That's what I was thinking as I watched them carry  the bodies away. That's what I was thinking when I gave every one a huge fake smile that seemed to calm them and headed off to bed.

And that's what I'm thinking now. You want to know what the worst feeling in the world is? It's when you smile to stop yourself from crying. It's when you laugh to stop from screaming for help. It's when your brain goes 100 miles per minute trying to convince you your not worth it. It's when you live through life numb. It's when you get so good at faking it no one sees your pain. It's when you are so tired that waking up is the hardest thing to do. It's wishing you were dead to ease the pain in your chest. It's when you cry yourself to sleep knowing no one gives a fuck. It's when you get all the "Are you ok?" and you just smile and nod and there's no one to say "I know your not." It's living through life without nothing to look forward to. It's losing the constant battle you have with yourself and finally surrendering. It's knowing your so bad, your own parents fucking hate you. It's when your brother misses out on everything to be with you only to regret. It's living life as a fear, knowing your unloved. It's when the first thing you think waking up is "Damn I'm still here." It's when you try to convince your self there's light at the end but right when your about to reach it you get pulled back. It's when the only looks you get are those out of pitty. It's when you curl up with your so called friends watching tv and pretending to enjoy it. It's when you think "Wow I'm finally gonna get one of those moments " only to have reality bite you in the ass as your mind reminds you it's only pity. It's when your so fucking close to your breaking point that you've been holding in that when it comes your ready to die. It's when death is your only choice. It's when you wake up in the middle of the night wishing to be dead. When you cry into your pillow hoping no one hears your screams. It's when you realise your done.  It's when you realise how tired you are. Tired of pretending. Tired of the hopelessness. Tired of feeling lonely. Tired of smiling when your heart is fucking shattered. It's when realizing nobody cares if you die. It's when your done.

And I am. I'm done. I'm done with fucking every fake person who pretended to care.

These are my thoughts as I sit on my bed sobbing with my face pressed into the pillow.  Then it hit me. My brilliant plan.

Are you ready for it... to keep on faking it.  Turning over I grab the bottle of sleeping pills and take three, hoping to sleep. As soon as I shut my eyes, my alarm begins to blare. 

Getting out of bed I pick out a decent outfit.

A nirvana cropped shirt, a dark red flannel, black ripped skinny jeans, my choker, and my combat boots.

Heading to the bathroom, I put concealer on the bags underneath my eyes and grab my brush, Untangling my hair. After that I grabbed my beanie and sunglasses and headed to my brothers room. I throw open the door only to be met with six sleeping idiots.

I head back to my room and grab my phone and walk into js room to take a picture. Why, you may ask. Because there they are all spooning with one of them. Andrew and Dante. Danny and Aaron. And lastly J and Xander. Laughing quietly I turn off Js alarm before it goes off and write him a sticky note.

           J-  your lazy ass needs to start setting your alarm clock. ;) See y'all in detention.
           -C

I stuck it to his forehead before heading down to the kitchen. Once I'm in there, last night's memories replay in my head. I look around the room fighting off tears. I make me some pancakes and leave some on the table for the guys.

Heading out to the garage I slide into my Camaro. Realizing i forgot my jacket I run inside to grab it throwing it on. Realizing i have like 3 minutes to get to school I speed off.

I get to school and am suddenly met with a swarm of students. "Omg" I hear a girl scream. And just like that they part like the red sea.

I shrug down the hall, heading to class. When I get there i see a new chick sitting in MY SEAT! I walk over to her and nod my head for her to get up.

"Oh let me guess. This is your seat. Well I don't see your name on it."she says rolling her eyes.

Bitch please.

I grab the Sharpie hanging out the pocket of her hoodie and write Cassidy real big on the desk.

Her eyes widen as she reads the name.
"Y-y-y our her. Uh s-s-sorry I say here. I'm new I haven't met anyone."

She gets up hurrying to find another seat. I kick my feet up on the desk laying back with my eyes closed finally falling asleep. Damn. Life fucking sucks.
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I literally cried after writing this because everything I said is so fucking true. There is no escape any more.
Stay fabulous and happy loves.
          -Cloey ❤