Beautiful monster

Chapter 5

I am so incredibly sorry! It took me forever to update! I don't really have a good excuse as to why I took so long. I just really suck at this, and I had writers block.
Please don't hate me.

Raven. POV
What am I doing? I ask myself for the millionth time this morning. I'm not a psychiatrist or counselor, he needs real help. Not a foolish half demon who can't even control herself.
     I sigh as I walk into my dark room. I look at all of my shelves, upon shelves of books knowing that there is information inside them that can change lives, cure sickness, and can teach you to defend yourself. But nothing about how to heal someone's "heart". Or figurative heart, which is actually your mind, or emotions, or... your soul? Ugh whatever.
     I scan through my library then snatch a book from a shelf, titled Mental Stability. I set the book down on my bed, then walk over to my vanity to see a familiar reflection in the mirror. My purple hair is slightly messy cause of the wind on the roof, and because of it's length. The strand of hair that Beast Boy tugged on is still in place behind my ear, which for some reason makes me shiver. I open the drawer of my vanity and remove a hairbrush, somewhat taming my rumpled hair.
     I take out a beautiful metal hair barrette designed with a Raven on it, from the same open drawer. Star gave it to me as a present for Christmas last year, and it has always been my favorite gift. I wrap up my hair into a loose bun then add the hair piece. I remove my cloak then straighten up my clothes making them appear nicer.
     Again I raise my hand up to where Beast Boy touched my skin, when he brushed my hair behind my ear. I smile slightly remembering what his hand felt like, rough, yet gentle and caring. When he made contact, warmth flooded through me, and his fingers felt like he was transmitting electricity to my skin. Every sensation suddenly alive.
This is Beast Boy. I say to myself, shaking my head slowly. I can't think these things, not about anyone.
He finally made a joke today though, which is good. Maybe he is getting better. I honestly really missed his humor even if his jokes are terrible, they are what made Beast Boy, well... Beast Boy. I really hope that he gets over this soon, we all miss him and want him back. The rest of the team were really supportive of me helping him which they voiced when I came back down stairs.
      I wonder if he he has come back down from the roof yet. I haven't heard any sort of commotion which I would expect to hear if he came down. But then again, I did actually tell the others to leave him be for a while so they might be taking my advice. I shrug to myself, not really caring, then calmly head over to my bed and stretch out on my mattress.
     I push my face into one of my cool and comfortable pillows, then quietly breath a sigh of relief. As I cover myself up with blankets, I let my thoughts of the past day be stored someplace else in my mind for the moment. I close my eyes with a faint smile on my lips, then slowly drift off to sleep.

Robin. POV

     Raven came down from the roof about an hour ago, but Beast Boy still hasn't come down.
I'm starting to worry about him, but I know that I should probably leave him alone for for a while. When Raven came down from the roof she told us not to bother him and that she would do her best to help him. I am still unsure as to what she meant by that. I trust her though, and I know she will come through, one way or another.
I silently sigh as I watch Cyborg beat his high score for the fourth time in a row. Video games have always been a stress reliever for him, and after what just happened I don't blame him for heading straight to the couch. He offered the other controller to me a while ago, though I respectfully declined. I just need some time to think, I don't want to hide from the situation by drowning myself in the virtual world.
I think I made a bad call earlier when I told the others not to bother Beast Boy. I just didn't want to make him angry, everyone in the tower knows how bad he can get. But honestly I wouldn't blame the kid if he let some of his anger out. He has been through hell since Terra left, we all saw how much he cared for her. It must kill him to know that she is so close to him again but she doesn't remember him. I honestly don't know what I'd do if Starfire forgot me.
I shudder at the thought then try to shift my thoughts in a different direction.
What did Raven mean when she said she'd handle it? Is she going to get him help, or is she going to help him herself? I wonder what she'll do...
I still remember Cyborg telling me about finding Beast Boy drunk late at night a month ago. I wasn't there that night but Cy told me about BB's confession. I was horrified when I learned that Beast Boy somehow smuggled alcohol into the tower, worried even more so. But Cyborg made me promise not to confront him, he said that he didn't remember anything after he passed out. Apparently Cy informed him of what happened and BB swore not to do anything of the sort again.
This unfortunate event however is how both me and Cy know of Beast Boy's slight attraction to Raven. BB admitted this to his best friend in the middle of the night in between fits of crying. Sobbing that, "It is my fate to never be loved." I watched the footage from the security cameras that night and I now realize how broken he has become. No longer the cheerful jokester we once knew.
Cyborg and I both agreed to wipe the footage of that night and to not tell either of the girls. We need to respect his privacy. Though I trust Starfire with all my heart and soul, I still have not found any real evidence supporting that she has the ability to keep a secret.
Making a split second decision, I stand up from the couch then walk over to the stairs. Roof access is two floors up, so I begin trudging up the stairs, one step at a time.
When I throw open the door, I half expect the roof to be empty. I would have thought that Beast Boy turned in a bird and flew away to clear his head. But no, the boy with the green skin still sat on the edge of the roof in his human form, staring at the horizon.
I don't say anything as I walk up to him, but I know that he feels my presence.
     I sit down beside him on the roof but I still don't say anything. We both just stare at the horizon for a moment, waiting for the other to break the silence.
     "I'm assuming that you're here to ask what Raven said to me." Beast Boy says after a moment.
     "No, I actually came up to check on you." I respond, quietly. "But honestly I have to admit that I am curious. What made you stay?"
     He sighs, then turns to look me in the eye. "To be completely honest with you," he starts hesitantly, "I have no idea."
     I nod slowly, trying to understand his situation.
     After a beat of silence, Beast Boy asks a question, "Robin, how do you know when you lo- like someone?"
     I raise an eyebrow as he rubs the back of his neck self consciously.
     "I mean... like, how did you feel when you realized you liked Star?" He clarifies.
     "Well..." I start, "at first I felt like I was invincible, as if nothing could stand in my way. But then... well..." I clear my throat, "I felt terrified."
     Beast Boy gives me a disbelieving look. "You?"
     I nod reluctantly, knowing that he needs to hear this. "Yeah."
I wait for him to respond. When he doesn't, I look back over at him, he is staring in to the distance once again with an almost dazed expression on his face.
     I watch as the city starts to light up with the evening lights, and as the sun starts sinking in the sky.
     "You have no idea how lucky you are." The voice next to me says suddenly, breaking my trance.
"What?" I ask.
"Yeah, lucky." He says in a distant voice, still staring at the sky, as if searching for the answer to a question that has not yet been posed.
"That word has never really applied to me. Besides, I don't believe in luck. You get where you are because you work for it. Or because of a circumstance put into motion by someone else." I state firmly.
I notice the edge of his mouth twitch upwards. "I wish that I could see things the way you do." He finally turns to look at me, and I am met with a pain filled expression. "But no matter if you believe in it or not, you are far luckier than I am. The girl you love, loves you. You've never been a green freak before, mocked in the streets by everyone who passes you. And you're admired by all. Seems pretty lucky to me."
"Beast Boy! Is that really what you think about yourself?" I exclaim angrily. "Do you really think you're a freak? We admire you!" I pause for a second. "And no matter what you say, Terra did love you. It was just time for her to move on."
He opens his mouth to say something, but hesitates. "Yeah..." he mumbles. "Terra."
"We all care about you Beast Boy, we're all a family. Never forget that."
I pat him on the shoulder then stand up. "Come down when you're ready."
He looks up at me and faintly smiles. "I will." He says.
I return his small smile with a nod and one of my own. I reach out to touch the handle of the of the roof access. I then open the door and exit the roof.

Again I am so sorry I made you guys wait so long. I got sidetracked writing a different story that I hope to publish soon.
I will do my best to publish chapters of this fan fiction faster.

Thanks for reading.