Hear Me

8

8

       

My heart halted. I froze. Hudson stayed still as well, his eyes trained on me. Then, his face softened as he shuffled towards me.

"You can trust me Sine. I know you remember. I won't tell anyone."

My heart started beating again. But it was thumping and pounding, and sending waves of pain to my head. Despite my feeling, something in my chest told me I could trust him. I sighed as I leaned back into the bed. I kept my eyes trained on my lap while I felt the bed dip.

My chest felt like as if there was a drum trapped inside. Its ominous beating grew louder and louder, each thump hammering away at every inch of my body.

Shutting my eyes, I prepared myself to speak.

"Everything changed the day of the Sector Transition Ceremony. It was terrifying, not knowing what was coming next."

A smile tingled my lips while a shadow of a laugh slipped out.

"It was exhilarating. It felt so, so amazing, getting to make my own decisions for the first time."

The pressure on my chest evaporated. The pounding of my heart faded away to an unnoticeable murmur.

I switched my gaze to meet Hudson's.

"It was the first time where I wasn't just my parents' daughter, the quiet one from school, your friend. I was me. I got to discover me, the real me."

Hudson stayed silent, his focus completely on me. I took the quietness as a chance to try figure out his expression. His face was and wasn't blank; there was no one expression that dominated, but there was something there, a certain foreign softness lurking behind his eyes.

He shifted, forcing my gaze to drop and loosen. "What about your friends?"

My heart pinched. A tremor ran across my shoulders.

"They're great." My voice had dropped to a mere whisper. The shakes grabbed hold of my entire body as my eyes started to burn.

"I miss them so much," I choked out.

Tears flooded down my cheeks while my body crumpled in half. An arm wound itself around my shoulders. Covering my face, my attention was completely focused on attempting to control my breathing. I couldn't catch it, instead, it got raspier and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

"Calm down Sine," Hudson whispered in my ear as his hand rubbed my arm comfortingly. His words had a soothing curve but they didn't work to calm my nerves.

"You don't get it," I said in a groan as I pulled myself to sit up. My eyes connected with his through a blurry fog. "You don't get what it's like to have your friends ripped away from you."

His grip on me loosened while he sagged slightly. "You're right, I don't understand what you went through. But I can try to relate."

Cocking my brow, I tried to quieten myself in order to listen to him. He sighed before saying, "I remember seeing you and your friends shortly after you left Science. It hurt, seeing you with other people. When you left, I had no one. I mean, I had people that I talked to briefly in the common areas but they meant nothing to me. You were the only person that actually seemed to listen to me, understand me."

He fell silent for a moment as he stared at me. His hand reached out and grabbed onto mine. "I really missed you while you were gone."

A heavy feeling landed on my chest. The pressure on my hand was strong, like when we were younger and he would try to flirt through minute gestures. But, even if his grip was tight, it wasn't forceful. It was as if I could feel his emotions through his palm, his pleading desperation. Both he and I knew that there aren't the same rules as there were before. Now that we're married, there are no boundaries, especially in private quarters. But he wasn't doing anything more than he did before. He's not pushing it. A warming feeling glowed at the base of my stomach.

I gave his hand a small squeeze in solidarity before thinking back to what he just said.

"I'll be honest with you. When we were younger, you'd be quiet overwhelming. It's just the way that you used to not really listen to what I'd say."

Glancing at him through wary eyes, I watched his mouth change to a frown. Oh no, here it comes. I braced myself for a torrent of angry words, tensing my shoulders.

Quiet.

Raising my eyes, I was greeted with the image of Hudson sitting still and his brow furrowed. His mouth was slightly agape, it bobbing open and close without any words. It took a few moments for some to fall out.

"I'm sorry that I made you feel like that, truly. I hate that I made you feel like that. I'll try my best to change Sine. I promise."

His face was so youthful and sincere, it was becoming nearly difficult to say a negative word to him.

As a smile slipped onto my lips, I said softly, "You already have changed, for the better."

He grinned, his smile reaching his eyes that beamed brightly.

Then, his face seemed to father a bit as his forehead scrunched up a bit.

"Do you mind if I ask about that guy you were with when you first visited?"

Finn. My heart plummeted to my feet. My throat dried as my eyes started to sting.

"What about him?" I replied, my voice like sandpaper.

"Were you two, together? Or just friends?"

My entire body began to ache and burn as a picture of him popped into my mind.

"Together."

He nodded before sighing in a tired way.

"It's getting late, we'd better try get some sleep. Oh, I forgot to tell you. You have another appointment tomorrow."

My heart dropped further, being swallowed up by the ground.

Nodding, I murmured a quiet 'goodnight' and shuffled under the covers. I furiously blinked to try and get rid of the pain buried in my eyes before giving up and letting silent tears seep out.