What happened...
My friend doesn't wanna talk to me anymore, I don't wanna hurt the people I love even more. I got suicidal thoughts again, hate myself and can't and won't talk about it. The reason I won't talk about most of my problems is because I'm scared to let people in, I usually get hurt so badly when I let someone in that I haven't let anyone in completely for over 7 years. The people I trust enough to let in still won't be let in. The reason why I don't let them in is because I don't want them to look differently at me, I don't want to hurt them and lose them. I won't trouble people with my problems anymore. I'll keep dragging myself through the days. I hope that someday I'll enjoy my life again, not just the few moments I get to spend with the people I actually trust. I'm caught up in the expectations of the people around me, I can't do anything right according to them. I get in trouble when I'm honest, when I'm lying, when I try my best, when I don't try my best, basically always. I try to keep myself together (at least what is left). I've fallen apart already and am trying to hold on to the pieces I've found.
A summary of what I tried to say is:
I'm at the verge of giving up, breaking down and I don't know what to do anymore.
