BTS x ARMY

Hot Beer (RM x Rdr)

"Hey (y/n) are you awake? 😅"
"Yeah I am! I was washing dishes 🙄."
"At 3 a.m? 😂"
"😂😂 yeah I was making brownies but I kind of made a huge mess and ended making nothing edible."
"Woooow. So you're busy?"
"Ehh no?"
"Theeeeen wanna come to the studio? I saved you some chicken and a beer."
"You know I'd say yes huh 😂😂😂"
"The beer is gonna get hot 🤮"

I met you three years ago. I held auditions for any female who could be a background singer for a song I was excited about. If I found someone that was suitable enough, I would ask her to keep contact whenever I needed her voice for a background of any future tracks I made and that's how you auditioned.

When I contacted you and asked you why you wanted me to pick you, you were way too honest. "Because you're hiring?" you emailed back. It was funny, but I was serious, and yet you were too. "Because I'm broke-," you responded once again, "-and because I think i can work hard to make my voice accommodate your music. I don't give up." I liked your honesty, so I brought you in for a try. You were kind and well mannered. A little quiet, but who doesn't get nervous?

I was having trouble deciding between you and two others, but you always took my attention. "Hi it's (y/n), I was just wondering if you already chose someone. If I wasn't chosen, please let me know as soon as you can. Thank you for the opportunity." Your email was it. I chose you...and a week later you had grown so much.

I knew I had made the right choice. You were too shy anymore but actually demonstrated your capabilities in music. It amazed me, and also made me proud of choosing you. We worked a lot together. You sang as best as you could and carefully listened to my requests to change a note to another. I think I might've stressed you out with me trying to make things too perfect, but you always took music seriously.

After I recorded everything I needed from you, I called you again and again, track after different track until it became days of you coming over to help me with composing. I asked you to become more involved with the music and not just sing and leave and you agreed.

So I often asked you to come to the studio. At 9 a.m., 3 p.m., 10 p.m.,  even 3 a.m. if you accepted and you did. At any hour I asked, you came over. And through sharing music, we shared about ourselves— to each other.

I learned you were fired from most jobs you got because you were too clumsy or too awkward, so that's why you chose to work for me. And yeah you were clumsy and awkward, but you fit right in and you did what you had to do.

So I began wondering what you were doing at home when you weren't in the studio since this job was your only one. No one really wanted to hire you yet. I called you when I was tired of staring at a computer screen and messaged you when my mind was too clouded that I couldn't think of music.

That's when I began inviting you to the studio..just for just. I bought us food and cold beer always. Not as a way to buy you to come lighten up the quiet studio, but as a way for us to relax and forget about the stress of work or not being able to get one.

It became such a comfort to have you here and talk to me, sing with me, work with me and even just stay quiet, and listen to music together in one studio. I loved that. I looked forward to it more than making music. And I learned that I had feelings for you. At first it confused me, but I quickly gathered each and every memory with you and realized I didn't just like your company. It was beyond what I could even explain.

I became proud of feeling.

When I was so buried into which notes made better rhythm, I wondered why I needed you to return to the studio when it wasn't even necessary.

We never came to do anything...we only sat inches away from each other but just hearing you laugh or listening to the way you hummed a song was bliss.

I just wanted you around. I began feeling something stronger than the love I felt for music. And my love for music was something I thought would be unbeatable.

Except I never told you.

Despite being unavoidably obvious.

I didn't even tell you when you gave me the news. How could I? It was too late anyway.

I smiled at you, "that's such great news!" I said, and I was honestly happy for you, but I was selfish and wanted you to stay.

I knew that was impossible, and I wanted the best for you. Just not that far away..and that sudden.

Sometimes I feel like I've already felt everything there is to feel so I think I'll only feel tiny fragments now, and never the unexplainable endless feelings like I felt when you were here.

I get angry for feeling angry, I get upset at feeling happy, too. I think all my feelings I could ever feel happened with you so now I don't know what I'm comfortable feeling.

What am I to feel now if I can't feel the music anymore? I thought...that music was the only thing that would never let me down. It hasn't, but lately, it's become...boring. I want to write music, but I end up wandering into the hallway, into the living room, outside, not knowing what even to write about. I'm left blank.

This is hard..for sure.

It was exciting to see you. You came over every time I asked, no matter the hour. I think your excitement was for music, not for me..and that was okay. It's okay. But that's also the hard part.

I still find myself having conversations in my mind with you at 5 a.m. about which guitar would sound better in the second chorus, both of us full from late night take out and cold beer.

We did this almost every day.

I didn't need your help at all...composing or producing, but I pretended I did. If I hadn't loved your voice from the beginning, we wouldn't have met- and I wouldn't be sitting here, still loving it...still replaying the silly recordings.

I just—caught myself thinking about this over and over and then realizing that I was simply remembering it as something that was wrong with me. Why'd you come over if you didn't like me? There had to be something wrong with me..for you not to like me back.

I think to you I was just a good friend. A brother even. And as much as it hurts, it's not like I can do anything. I'm just glad I had you in my life. For the time you were here, it was worth it. But the time given to me with you wasn't long enough.

I don't know if I should delete this..or add on to it from time to time. This studio doesn't feel like home right now. I don't know what to do anymore.

Maybe I should call you, but my beer is getting hot.

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A/N: I FINALLY WROTE SOMETHING AFTER A LONG PERIOLODIALLY TIME (if you know that vine you a real one)

I got the idea for this short chapter from of the picture and I had to write it.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes.

Hopefully you like it and I apologize for not having written anything despite me really really wanting to.

💛, Jiminiature