What happens next? (A love story in the afterlife)

Chapter 9 |What happens next?|

This is a much better edited and added to version of the chapter :)

When I awoke Matt was gone and I was left in the apartment alone, I cursed and walked over to the window and the sun was just rising on a new day.  I found myself wondering what my mother was doing back at home and weather she had noticed I had gone yet or whether she was still stuck in a drunken haze.  As I pictured my old house I felt home sickness which was strange as I don’t think I had ever referred my house as a home before. It wasn’t up to much.  A small modern 2-bed terrace in an untoward area, there was a lawn of weeds, beer cans and crisp packets out the front and a small gravel path leading to a door that had been boarded up where glass had formally been. The front room was small and dank. It was where my mother spent most of her time, sat in her sick stained chair and her eyes staring blankly at day time television. So like I said it wasn’t much to come home to and the only room that had not been permeated by the smell of my unwashed, sickly, boozy mother was my bedroom at the back of the house. I missed the familiarity of it, the sounds of kids shouting and fighting out on the estate, of my farther making half-hearted attempts to get my mother onto the wagon.

At first I had tried to help my farther in helping my mother and had tipped any drink I could find in the house down the sink, but I could never find it all and all I achieved in the exercise was that I aggravated my mother and she would lash out at me before uncovering some bottle that I had failed to discover and she would continue to sleep onwards in her own personal oblivion.

So instead at 13 years old I accepted the fact that I was on my own and that if I wanted anything in this life then I was going to have to get it myself. 4 years later I gave up. It was too hard. What had I achieved in my life, what was I going to achieve? Nothing. All I had was a drunken mother, an angry farther, a criminal record for shop lifting and 4 GCSE’s not including maths and English. I was a no hoper.

I stopped being able to think clearly then as tears tumbled down my face and primal screams erupted from deep within my soul as for the first time I mourned the loss of my childhood. I sank to the floor and placed my head in my hands and shook. Further down I sank, into the foetal position and I tried to hold my aching body together as a pain that I had never felt before ripped through me.

Slowly the screams turned to whimpers, and they themselves turned to an eerie charged silence, and I lay there burning silently. I stood slowly and looked once more out of the window, I don’t know what I was expecting a change of some sort I think, I sign that the world had heard my pain. No, it was exactly the same. Who was I kidding? No one cares. Frustration overwhelmed me and I rounded on the wall and clenching my hand into a fist I stuck out. It hit the wall with a sickening crack. Pain shot up my arm as I fought the urge to cry out. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. This confused me a little bit. Then I remembered that I did not care, it felt strangely good and so I repeated.

“Ruben?” A small voice called from behind me. Matt.

“What are you doing?” She asked me and moved uncertainly towards me.

“Er, nothing” I sounded pathetic.

“I think that maybe you should get out of this apartment for a bit.”

“Like, where?”

“The park then.” She turned out of the door. I walked swiftly after her grabbing my jacket and wallet. I did care, I cared about Matt.

When we got to the park I began to doubt that this was a good idea, the paths were lined with couples sat on picnic blankets, and in the worst of cases feeding each other with various food items. I turned my gaze away feeling uncomfortable and instead stared straight ahead. Matt, obviously sensed that I was tensed up and slipped her slender hand into mine.

“Your hand is cold” My heat instantly picked up the pace and tingles spread around my body in a sensation that was not dissimilar to pain. Not wanting to rubbish the gesture, I tried to think of an appropriate response for Matt that would not give away the large effect it was having on my body.

“Yours is very warm” I felt my cheeks heat up as I tried to get my head round how stupid I just sounded. I cleared my throat and turned towards Matt and was taken my surprise by the intensive stare that faced me. Her long eyelashes framing her grey eyes; I had once thought that grey was a boring colour, one that signified depression and plainness, I had never been so wrong. Her beauty chased any coherent thought out of my mind and once again I found myself blushing.

She noticed and smiled and leaned in closer to my face. I realised what she was after and turned my head away from her and started to walk quickly away from her. Not looking back. My heart was thudding louder as the blood whooshed in my ears in time. I rubbed my hands on my jeans trying to wipe the sweat that clung to them.

I walked out my fear of the unknown and headed down to the river which flowed through the bottom end of the park. I crossed my arms underneath my chin and watched the muddy water slip past. I kicked myself for running away. I needed to ‘man up’ as the people who used to put up with me at school would say. I took a deep breath and turned round. My eyes rolled over the scene before me surveying the park for the slender figure of Matt.

I saw her sat on a bench warming herself in the sun and my heart skipped a beat. Her long light hair ruffled slightly in the breeze catching golds and subtle reds in the sun. I stood and watched her for a while and then she seemed to become aware that someone was watching her and her eyes flicked up towards me. She held my gaze and she didn’t look at all hurt by me bolting but instead looked curious. She shifted slightly and lifted her left hand and pointed her index finger at me. She then drew it towards her chest. I couldn’t breathe and wanted so much to run to her and hold her in my arms but instead turned away and walked up the river back towards the flats.

Shall try and update once a week as I now have more of an idea where Ruben is going next.