The fight to get back to you. (Book 3)

Chapter 2

As we drove along towards home my mind drifted off to Lucas again, he had been writing to me over the years. He didn’t try to ask me out in them he just told me how everyone was doing and kept me up to date with his own life.

It made me feel good when I could pick out his different emotions as he wrote, what he had been up to at college and how he was struggling to be around Charlie and Domingo when I was so far away from him. Each letter would end with him telling me he loved and missed me and would be signed love always, Lucas with a kiss.

He would never understand just how much I needed those letters, how much I ached for them when they took so long to arrive. I wasn’t the only one, all of the boys enjoyed getting letters from home especially the ones with people waiting for them to come home safe.

Lucas’ letters were all safely tucked into my pack, I had kept them all because it cheered me up to re-read them when I was a little homesick. I always wanted to make something of myself and because I was never the best at school I decided the army would be the best way to do that.

I don’t regret signing up, I have served my country and fought alongside brothers who I would give my life for. I have saved a fair amount of lives too and I feel proud of myself but if I had realised how Lucas felt about me before I signed up, I can’t deny the decision would have been a lot harder and I may not have gone.

As we got closer to my home I thought about how he would be, would he be waiting for me like my family or would he have finally moved on? My heart pinched at the thought of it but I would have to get over it, I couldn’t afford to get even more attached to him it wouldn’t be fair on either of us.

I was going back in a week and I wouldn’t leave him behind to constantly worry whether or not I would come home to him. I couldn’t be that guy, I know he will worry anyway but he has to try and move on because until the army is over my life is uncertain.

I was jarred from my thoughts as the jeep stopped outside of my home. I looked up at the door behind which my family would be waiting to surprise me with a party that they knew I wouldn’t want, but they would do for my mum’s sake.

I climbed out of the jeep, grabbed my bag and thanked the man who had given me a lift home, then I walked up to the front door took a deep breath and stepped through the threshold. I smiled as my mum ran straight to me and threw herself at me, I picked her up and gave her a tight hug.

My dad stood there trying to be all manly about it shaking my hand but then giving up and pulling me into a hug as well. As I pulled away I saw Charlie standing with Domingo and I gave them some attention too, I missed them all so much but the one face I expected to see was missing.

I took another deep breath and tried to swallow down the pain in my chest, wow I didn’t expect it to hurt that much but his letters spoke of love and yet he wasn’t here to see me. I didn’t want my family to notice so I plastered a smile back onto my face and moved so that I could listen to them talking about what they had planned for the evening.

It was then that movement caught my eye on the stairs and I looked up straight into the most chocolate brown eyes that had been planted in my memory for years. They didn’t look the same as they do in my mind, these ones were dull and full of agony and one look at Lucas’ face told me I was to blame.

I took a good look at him and noticed immediately that he had grown since the last time I had saw him, he was now a man. Tall, muscular but not over the top, he looked like he hadn’t shaven in weeks and his face looked sunken. He was beautiful but he was a mess, there were tears in his eyes and black marks surrounding them telling me he wasn’t sleeping.

He gasped in shock when he noticed me and stumbled, panic flew through me and I moved to catch him before he could tumble down the wooden staircase. Electric sparks ran from where my fingertips made contact with him, all the way up my arms and to my heart, kick starting it into a frenzied beat.

I quickly set him down before anyone could click onto how we both felt and I moved away from him without a word. I followed my family into the kitchen and tried to socialise as much as possible, smiling and nodding whenever it was needed but my mind never left Lucas and how tired he looked.

He had not followed us into the kitchen and I knew he would be hiding away upstairs so as soon as it wouldn’t be deemed rude, I slipped out of the kitchen and up to my room where I knew he’d be waiting. When I opened the door my heart broke even more as I looked down at him sobbing on my bed, he was crying so hard his body was shaking.

I sat beside him and tried to get him to stop crying, I was practically begging him because I could already feel my resolve breaking. The usual argument followed but I refused to change my mind, I knew it was stupid but it was how I felt and I wouldn’t change my mind, I would not leave him here when I might not come home.

Charlie came in and fought on Lucas’ side but I told him the same I wouldn’t change my mind, when he left Lucas was about to break down again but I pulled him into my arms. I kissed him and calmed him down, I told him that I loved him and I really meant it, I did but I couldn’t change my mind.

“Lucas.” I said. “I won’t change my mind, I am sorry.”

“But!...” He tried.

“Lucas! I won’t change my mind but I do love you and if you decide that you want to wait I promise that if I do come back I will make you mine?” I interrupted.

“I will…I will wait, because I love you Elliot.” He said. “You will come back ok!”

“I will.” I smiled.

Going back would be much harder this time, I had crumbled and although I hadn’t broken my resolve completely I had still promised him I would come home and make him mine. Charlie was right though when he had argued for Lucas earlier, I had to stop being morbid because I wouldn’t come home if I didn’t fight. I had to have something worth coming home for and Lucas was definitely worth fighting for, I would be keeping my promise to him.

When he had calmed down I pulled away and placed another kiss on his forehead before walking away. Then I moved and began taking off my uniform, stripping down into my boxers and vest with my dog tags jingling around my neck.

He followed suit and climbed into bed beside me, shuffling so his back was against my chest and so I could wrap my arm around his waist. I buried my face into his neck, inhaling his smell and instantly relaxing my body against him.

I could get used to this and that is why I didn’t want this to happen, but for now I was going to stop thinking about tomorrow and enjoy this moment just lying with the man that I love.