Over My Dead Body

Chapter 1- Memories

You rolled around in your sleep as you replayed the night that Dean almost died because of a shape shifter attack. You replayed the part where you saw the shape shifter who looked exactly​ like you stab Dean. While the shape shifter twisted the knife inside Dean you could see the pain in his eyes. You screamed as you saw him drop to the floor, blood covering the ground below him. At that moment Sam ran into the room killing the shape shifter, cutting the ropes that held your arms up high as you dangled there in fear, running to Dean to see if he was okay. Luckily the wound wasn't as bad as you and Sam thought it would be. You thought with the way Dean got stabbed that he was surely a goner.

*At the motel*

As Sam placed Dean on his bed in the motel stitching up his wound you sat on the bed in between his and Sam's. You placed your head in your hands crying softly but not softly enough because Sam heard your whimpers and knelt down in front of you holding your shoulders shaking you trying to get your attention.

"Y/N? Y/N?!"

Slowly the voice got quieter then louder again. Soon you realized it was just a dream and Sam was trying to wake you up. You could hear you name being called again but this time it was by Dean

"Y/N? Y/N! Wake up!"

Screaming you woke up

"ITS MY FAULT!! EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT!! I'M SO SORRY!"

"What? Y/N are you okay?" Dean said with a slightly worried look on his face

You looked around noticing you were awake Sam and Dean looked at you confused but you knew that you just had to lie and avoid their questions about your dream.

"Yeah I'm fine, just a bad dream I guess." You said forcing a quiet laugh.

"Are you sure? You seemed to be more upset than a person should be over a bad dream." Dean said still with that little worried expression of his face.

You knew you had to avoid questions about your dream so you just shrugged off deans question. You used the excuse of needing a shower to get out of the room and the guys gladly let you freshen up because after you dream you were sweating quite a bit, the only problem is you didn't even notice it until you walked in the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
You got the water in the shower going putting it on the perfect level of warmth.
As you started to get ready you heard the guys in the other room bickering over what they wanted to eat. You just laughed and continued to get stripped off. As you pulled off your long sleeve baggy sweater there was another long sleeve less baggy shirt under it. As you pulled off your second layer of shirts you couldn't help put stare in the body length mirror beside the sink. You pulled your pants down and kicked them away, leaving you only in your bra, socks, and panties. You stared long and hard into the mirror inspecting all of your scars and fresh cuts, burns and bruises, feeling like you wanted more. You looked at your protruding ribcage, staring at the skin that wrapped around your boney legs and arms, still you felt like you were obese and not skinny enough. The boys knew your past with self harm and eating disorders so you felt comfortable wearing shorts and tank tops around them. That was until 10 months ago when Dean got hurt. After Dean got hurt you went to get a shower, finding sharp razor blades from Sam's razor and even some from deans. You took one from each knowing where they were you told yourself if you blades ever got dull just throw 'em out and grab more from the bathroom. You cut so deep you found yourself almost passing out, you swore you would never tell the guys no matter how bad it got. Ever since that day you had a routine for every shower you got, wash your hair, wash your body, then hurt yourself, it didn't matter if it was cutting, burning or bruising that's what you would do for every shower.

So that's what you did you took off the rest of your clothes hopped in the shower got washed and started cutting, slicing and carving words into your skin like it was as easy as writing words on paper. You cut high up on your thigh very deeply and let out a loud scream like gasp, you thought no one would hear you but you knew you were wrong when you heard Sam knocking on the door.

"Y/N? Are you okay? Dean and I heard a sound like someone was in pain and we thought it was from in here."

"Yeah I'm fine Sam! I just slipped in the tub but I'm gonna be okay." You said answering his question.

"Okay well you've been in the shower for a little while so we were also wondering when you were getting out?" Sam asked, clearly wanting to take a shower

"I'm getting out now, just let me dry off and get dressed then you can have the shower to yourself." You said starting to get out of the shower.

"I didn't even say I-" Sam started to say but you cut him off.

"I could tell by your voice and the way it sounded." You said opening the door.

"Okay then, well I'm going to hop in the shower then Dean's gonna get in after me. Also when Dean gets out after me I wanna talk about going to visit Bobby." Sam said almost as a question to make sure it was okay if we could talk about going.

"Of course now, go get your ass in that shower, you smell like a wet dog!" You replied snickering a little bit.

~A/N~ okay so I know this is somewhat long but I started this and kept going because I didn't know where a good place to end it was😂 this isn't the first story I've written, I wrote one not that long ago but I didn't feel proud of it anymore so I unpublished it. I'm gonna keep writing these tonight so there may be another chapter out soon I'm not sure. I'm gonna try to write a A/N at the end of every chapter so expect more of these.