Over My Dead Body

Chapter 5- Missing Mom

-3rd person POV-

As you sat in the shower thinking of what the guys may have said about you, you couldn't help but here that little voice in the back of your mind screaming at you, telling you things that you didn't know if you were to believe them or not. Things like

"They're talking about ways to kick you out"

"They're talking about how fat and ugly you look"

"They're saying that they hate you and wish they'd never met you because you cause to much problems"

And so on and so on. But one thing little voice said ended up getting to you a whole lot more than the other things.

"Dean will never love you. He's out there talking about how later on he's just gonna use you for sex, then leave you on your ass with nothing"

That one hurt. The little voice kept talking you that the only way to be happy was to listen to it and hurt yourself. You knew lighters wouldn't work in the shower so burning was not an option. You were to tired to put in the effort and strength to punch yourself hard enough to leave a mark so bruising was not an option. So that only left cutting. You had blades in here in a little wooden box hidden in a tampon box. You knew if the bus ever found out that's the last place they'd check. So you hopped out of the shower quickly, went under the sink to the tampon box and grabbed the little wooden box with you initials carved into the top. You opened it up and it revealed blood stained blades and pills. You grabbed you of the blades, placed the box on the side of the tub and hopped back in the shower. You sat there for a good five minutes just thinking about what the voice was saying about deans feelings for you. You ended up just tuning everything out and attacking you legs and wrist with the blade you had in your hand. You sliced deep, long marks into you skin. You carved words like 'fat' 'ugly' 'worthless' and many more, even though you already have those words on your thighs. When you got to your wrist you started carving sentences, 'he will never love me' 'why do I feel this way' 'I can't do this anymore'. You just needed to feel relief.

-Your POV(no longer 3rd person)-

I was sitting there in the shower just letting myself bleed. I knew I needed stitches but that I could deal with, I've given the two Winchesters enough stitches while being with them that I'm basically a pro at that. I left the water running while I got out of the shower to clean up everything and stitch up what needed to be stitched up because if I made any type of sound while giving myself stitches, it'd be hard for with guys to hear it. The guys and I always kept at least two bottles of alcohol in our bathrooms just encase one of us needed to use it to disinfect something or to just drink it, there was always to bottles. I grabbed one if the bottles of alcohol and the first aid kit, I grabbed the needle and thread specifically for stitches, opened the alcohol and went to work. There was a long deep one on my upper left thigh which I knew was gonna hurt like a bitch. It was the last one I had to stitch and it was at least a couple inches long, maybe 3 1/2, I dont know, all I know is that's gonna hurt a lot more then the other ones, so I grabbed a towel and put it in my mouth just in case I scream a little bit, it would come out muffled and more quiet. Sure enough I screamed but not loud enough to be heard by the boys because of the towel I had in my mouth. After I was done stitching myself up I have at least 7 wounds on my thighs that were stitched, none on my wrist because I don't like going deep on my wrist. The deepest, and longest one I was talking about earlier needed about nine stitches, while the other ones only needed around three. I got dried off, got dressed while looking at my whale body covered in marks in the full length mirror, put on a fake smile I made sure the guys would believe, and walked out like everything was okay... Even though I knew it wasn't.

-Deans POV-

When I saw Y/N walking into the library I couldn't help but stare at her. Such a beautiful soul, a beautiful body, a beautiful face, and a beautiful heart. Yet she believed none of that. I could tell something was on her mind as soon as u saw her facial expression as she sat down on the couch so I decided to ask here about it.

"Hey Y/N, whats wrong?" I asked.

"Just missing my mom today." She said with tears threatening to spill at the slight mention of her mother.

"Oh. Is there something Sammy or I could do to cheer you up?" I asked, wanting to make her feel better.

"Not really, I just want to relax and not have to deal with everything today." She replied.

"Okay, sorry for bringing up your mom." I said

"It's okay. Even though she wasn't really there for me most of my life she was still my mother. When she died I felt like there was nothing I could do right. Yes she left me with Bobby most of the time, but what do you do when the woman who taught you so many things about life dies. Nothing. Because there is nothing you can do to bring back a dead person without doing something like making a crossroads deal!" She said. But this time tears were streaming down her face.

I moved beside her on the couch and held her in my arms gently so I didn't hurt her like the last few times I've hugged or held her. I started rubbing circles on her back trying to get her to calm down. She slowly stopped sobbing and started falling asleep in my arms. Eventually she was sleeping so I moved from sitting beside her to standing in front of her so I could pick her up. I carefully picked her up bridal style and brought her to her bedroom, I placed her on her bed so she could have a more comfortable sleep. As I was walking out of her room I turned around to admire the beautiful girl who I'm to afraid to admit my feelings to.

~A/N~ This is longer than the usual ones because it has almost 1200 words but whatever.