LOGAN (Book One)

TWENTY-SIX

"Okay," Lena sighed over the speaker box connecting to the small recording room where I stood, jittery and shaky. "Aphrodite, I think you should take a little break."

"Okay," I said softly, removed the massive Beats By Dre Studio headphones, and went out of the room, where she handed me a room-temperature water bottle as I sat on the couch.

I was taking small sips over and over.

Saying nothing.

I felt Lena's eyes staring at me as if I'd done something wrong. It's entirely my fault. And she's angry with me. For three hours, I've done nothing but get scolded by Lena that the sound engineer who operates the sounds had left because it was getting late and I'm stuff here asking for more chances, but it seems I want to give Lena what she wanted to hear.

"Aphrodite," Lena pulled out a cigarette and lit it. She blew the nicotine flavor into the room. "Where is that spark I heard from Newton?"

I pursed my lips as she blew another puff of smoke.

All I did was stay silent, looking down at the floor.

Ashamed.

"What's going on?" She asked. "I do not feel what I'm supposed to feel when you sing. Singing is supposed to send out emotions and feelings. You sing your heart out to let the world know what your heart desires. I'm not getting that. I get a sense of feeling that you are not even trying. That something has been inside of you has shut down."

I lower my head to the ground. "I'm sorry."

Lena sat to me when I felt the cushion move. Then sighed. "Look, I get it. It's hard when your parents aren't around. I understand what you are going through. Look at me. I'm a widower who lost her husband in a car accident when my son was three years old. He's six and never asked about his dad until that day he asked me."

"Did you tell him the truth?" I asked curiously.

"Of course, he may be young, but he should know," she says as she puts the cigarette on the ashtray. "And you know what he told me?"

I shook my head.

"Mommy, daddy, might not be here, but I still have you. I'll be the man of the house and protect you," Lena pulled up a smile. "From that day forward, I knew my life could not be without my boy. And let me tell you, I was in a dark place when my husband died. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I've been drinking every day from morning to noon. I was a mess. But my son, Chris, brought me back to reality. I must focus on raising my child and not act like the undead. Chris is my world now, and I intend to keep him within arms reach. The point of this lesson is to live on. I know your parents would want you that, right?"

I stared at Lena. The words toward the end made me remember what Logan said to me. And he's right. They are both right. I should stop feeling glum all the time with this guilt inside of me. It may be a stitch in my heart for the rest of my life, but I couldn't afford to let anyone get close to me to have them leave me.

And I realized I did that to the one who has seen my demons. I've hurt so much that my mind and heart weren't in the right place.

I have to live on and stop being a little bitch.

I inhaled and exhaled enough stressful air that I turned to Lena with a confident aura that she had to look at me oddly. "Lena, can you give me one last chance?"

She stared at me as I gave her a pleading look.

After her lecture and thinking about Logan just suddenly hit me. Yeah, how fucked up I was to have this life when there were plenty of people around me who cared. Logan cares. He cares so much it was overblowing with repressed feelings it scared me to let him into my life permanently. I was so concerned that if I let him inside my heart, he would also leave me. I've let the people who are close to me feel outcasted. My siblings, Athena and Ares, gave me so much that I forgot how much they worried about me. As their little sister, they have to be concerned. They love me, and I love them.