Her Secret Scars

The Pasts Of Two Beings

What song should I put for this chapter?

-Not Edited-

He just keeps running me over consistently, but I always take it.

I act like it's nothing because I was blinded once again.

Every relationship I've ever had, I've lost something.

With Jake, I lost my virginity and my child.

And with Caden, I lost the urge to try...

——

As I wait for Sawyer to come, I can't stop replaying the moment I turned my bedroom doorknob. I can't stop thinking about where I went wrong, with not just Caden, but with my whole literal existence. What if there could have been something I could have done to save Harper?! What if I could have seen the signs about my father and I's relationship result?! 

But now that I think about it, I'm the common factor in every problem.

"Fuck" I deplore, and swiftly turn on my heel, and connect my fist with the brick lining of our house. Fuck did it hurt, but it somehow eased a part of me, so I continued, and I didn't stop till my knuckled were split open and blood covered my hands as gloves.

I deserved that.

I sat down on the grass, examining my hands. I would be worried to get in the car with Sawyer because he would ask what's wrong, but since it's so dark the blood will only look like a shadow from the cast of the moon.

Seconds later Sawyer pulls up, and rolls down his window, "Come on shortie" he sorrowly speaks.

I stand up, and lightly grip my bag, but flinch from the pain, but I don't think Sawyer saw it cause he didn't say anything when I put my duffle bag in the back seat.

After a couple of minutes of driving, I finally mustered up the confidence to actually speak my thoughts, "I should have listened to you" I blankly state, as my head bows down to stare at my fingers playing around in my lap.

"What is that suppose to mean?" he carefully asked my damaged state.

"When you told me to stay away from you and your friends" I breath out finally meeting his eyes in the mirror.

"Loyal, I was just mad. I didn't mean it...most of the time I can't control my anger and sometimes I take it out on the wrong people" his facial expression falters followed by his posture as he explains.

"I know, but I should have listened" I shrugged, wiping a single tear that broke free from my hold.

Why didn't I listen?

"Why Lilac, what happened?" he rebuttals meeting me look in the mirror again.

But, I stay silent.

"Please tell me" he pleads, resting his hand on my thigh. I gaze from his eyes down to his hand, and back to his eyes. He goes to move his hand probably thinking I'm uncomfortable, which I find very considerate, but I rest my hand over his keeping it in place.

It's oddly relaxing.

"Caden cheated on me-" I breath out, shrugging as once again Sawyers gaze devours mine. He becomes stiff and his shoulders straighten out meaning he must be provoked.

"With Stella" I sarcastically smile and his eyes go wide.

"God Loyal-" he breathes out sympathetically and removes his hand.

"I wanna kill him" he seethes, clutching his steering wheel in a death grip.

I gently rest my hand on his bicep for a couple of minutes, which seems to oddly relax him because his breathing soon returns back to normal.