Mrs. Independent

Chapter Two: Microphone

Chapter Two: Microphone

When I got to the port, he was standing in a parking spot to save it for me, texting away on his phone without a care in the world.
I didn't say one word to him except to tell him to give me Caiden.
I put Caiden in the stroller and Josh got two of the suitcases. My brother got the other one, and my Dad got the car seat.
By the time they reached the ramp, I was already halfway up with Caiden.
I showed our passports and boarded the ship just fine.
When Josh finally made his way to our shared suite, I had changed Caiden's diaper and he was breastfeeding while I was scrolling through my phone.
Now he's lying on the bed next to me while Caiden suckles away, and neither one of us is talking.
I'm so tired of fighting with him, I'm tired of him being mad at me, and I'm tired of me being mad at him.
I feel the way Caiden is suckling change and look down.
He's fast asleep, using me as his pacifier.
"Let's go out to the deck so we can watch when we leave port." Josh says.
"I don't want to."
"Please?" He asks.
Sighing, I turn to him, ready to tell him everything I planned in the car.
But I just don't want to fight with him.
Giving in, I put Caiden in the stroller and cover my breast.
"I want to push." He says.
I'm inclined to tell him no but I know it's just going to cause more problems.
Instead of answering, I just walk out of the room before him.
When we reach the deck, I see a lot of people, but my eyes land on my family across the way and I head in that direction.
Josh stays right behind me.
"Oh my gosh!" My Mom says when I reach them. "Where is my grandson?"
"He's sleeping." I say, accepting her hug.
We all go around greeting each other until I circle back to Josh.
He and I have been married for two years and every time they see us, they always ask about our relationship.
"I can believe the trip is finally here." Josh's Mom Megan exclaims. "We've been talking about it for so long!"
Everyone kind of laughs in agreement and I force a smile.

_____

Later on when the sun is nowhere to be seen and the only thing in sight is the ocean, we're all sitting around inside. Caiden is being passed around to eager family members, and everyone is sitting with their significant other, which makes it obvious that I have to sit with mine.
I'm staring at my phone, frowning at the fact that there's no cell reception. Josh and I aren't even touching a single hair to each other and everyone is chatting amiably back and forth. Josh and I, however, are locked in silent isolation, and it's driving me crazy.
I chance a look at him and right when I do, he looks at me. Our eyes lock for a fraction of a second, and then we both look away.
My heart is longing to fix things between us.
I look at Caiden who is grinning at my younger sister.
Claire has never been more happy. She loves children, and she loves having Caiden around. Every time he cries she runs to help us, and when she walked into the room after I gave birth, she cried.
I think back to that day.
Despite all the pain and screaming I was doing, Josh stayed by my side. He told me if he could take away the pain, he would. He told me he loved me over and over again.
And when Caiden came out and I held him and we both got to touch him and see his face, he has tears.
He was crying.
And then he thanked me. He said I gave him the greatest gift imaginable and the amount of love in the room was so incredible.
I just, I know our marriage isn't in jeopardy.
But fighting like this makes it feel like it is.
So, making my decision, I turn to my husband. I reach out, tapping his thigh with my index finger.
He looks at me and he doesn't look mad, he just looks upset.
Everyone is chatting away and a few of our relatives are glancing at us as if knowing something is wrong, but it's our marriage and nobody else's.
We don't need their help to fix it, and they don't know what needs fixing.
Instead of speaking to Josh, I just gesture towards the door that leads outside.
He nods and stands up.
"Claire, do you have Caiden for a few minutes?" I ask.
"Uh, yes. Duh." She laughs and takes both of Caiden's hands, making faces and sounds at him until he laughs.
"Where are you two headed?" Megan, Josh's Mom asks.
"Just outside, we'll be back in a minute." Josh says.
She must sense that it's not really something we want to talk about.
He leads the way to the glass door and pushes it open, holding it for me.
The speed of the ship makes it slightly breezy, and my hairs blows gently in it.
I lean against the railing, looking out at the sea.
There are so many stars out and the moon casts as mesmerizing glow on the ocean.
Josh stands beside me, his arm gently brushing against mine.
Neither one of us says anything, but this argument about work has been going on since Caiden was three and a half months old.
He's six months now, and this fight is affecting our marriage, our happiness, and our sex life.
It's exhausting and I need it to stop.
And I know he does, too.
He clears his throat, grabbing my attention. I turn to him.
"I should have come home to help you. That was so fucked up. I'm sorry. I was just upset, and, well it's not an excuse. I'm just sorry."
The lights from the ship and the natural light from the sky casts a glow on his face that makes him look very handsome.
"I said you don't care about what affects Caiden and I." I say, resting my hands on the cool metal railing. "And I just, I didn't mean it. I was angry and I was being stubborn."
He taps the railing quietly, nodding slowly.
"If you fell off this ship, I would jump in after you and let you drown me so you could use me as a float." He says.
Maybe it's because we're having a normal conversation and I feel okay right now between us, but I start laughing. He cracks a smile and I shake my head, scrunching my nose. "That's a horrible analogy."
"I know, it was pretty bad." He grins.
Our smiles only last for a second because we know the problem isn't solved.
I grip the railing and take a deep breath.
"I'm tired of having this fight." I tell him. "I'm exhausted all the time." And my voice cracks. "And I miss when we were okay. And I miss you. It needs to stop, Josh. I can't keep fighting with you. I would rather go through the pain of labor every day than fight with you. I want to cry, and I hate crying." I laugh a little and feel a tear roll down my cheek.
"I'd rather get kicked in the balls every day a million times than fight with you." He says as he brushes my tear away. "Don't cry."
With Caiden and being pregnant and breastfeeding, my hormones are insane and I cry a lot.
When I was pregnant, it was around Thanksgiving and I was due two days after the holiday, on the 24th of November.
I was pouring milk for myself after insisting I didn't need somebody to do it for me, but everyone was sitting around because the holiday was at our house since we have the largest house. And they were all in the living room outside of the kitchen and I accidentally dropped the gallon of milk.
And then I just started sobbing.
I rub my face with both hands.
"Listen," I begin carefully.
"I'm going to quit my job." He interrupts me.
My eyebrows raise.
"What?"
"I'm going to quit. I can work when he starts school. Actually, I'm sure we'll have more kids by then. I'll just work when they're all in school."
I put my hand on his arm.
"No Josh, you're not quitting your job." I shake my head.
"Something has to give. I'd rather be a stay-at-home Dad than fight with you."
"The reason I called you out here is to tell you I'm going to bring Caiden with me to work." I say.
He pauses.
"What?"
I nod.
"You were right. I'm the boss. If somebody says something about me bringing my son around, I'll just..." I rub my forehead and then drop my left hand against the railing. My engagement ring and wedding band claps loudly against the metal railing. "Fire them." I finish my sentence. "It's my company. I need to be there, you want to work. So, until he's old enough for preschool, I'll bring him to work."
"You don't have to do that." He says quietly.
I look at him.
"Sweetheart, yes I do. Marriage is about compromise. If you quit your job, I get my way. If I hire somebody to run New York, you get your way. You can't bring a six month old to show millionaires really expensive houses. It could ruin your reputation as a realtor, and right now you're one of the best in the city. But me? If somebody gives me crap, I can tell them to get out. This way, we both get to work and we don't have to hire a nanny."
He studies me for a long time.
"Are you sure this is what you want?"
"This is what I want." I say.
"Thank you." He says. "If I didn't have such a hands on job where my image matters, I would take him."
"I know." I say.
We're both quiet for a few moments, and then I realize one of us is going to have to break the tension.
My mind drifts to when he left the house this morning and I frown, remembering he didn't kiss me goodbye and he didn't say I love you.
"What's wrong?" He asks.
Since our friendship started with me lying to him, I always try my best not to.
"I know we were fighting and I said something that upset you, but when you left the house without saying you loved me..." I clear my throat and look out at the ocean. "Well, it felt like a punch in the face." And then I sigh and run my hands through my hair.
"I'm sorry." He says.
"I shouldn't have brought it up." I say.
"I felt really bad about it." He admits. "And if you did that to me, it would really upset me."
I glance at him.
"Let's make a pact." I suggest.
He pauses. "What kind of pact?"
"We never leave the house or go to bed without saying I love you."
We usually always say it anyways.
"Okay. That'll be easy. We should make another thing too, where we don't go to sleep angry with each other."
I nod in agreement.
"Okay."
I look at him and see he's already looking at me.
We're both leaning against the railing looking at each other for a little while and I see a slight stubble on his cheeks and chin. Some men look horrible with any scruff, but my husband can pull it off.
When my husband is shirtless, well, he turns heads.
That's my life goal. I want other woman to be jealous of me for my man.
His eyes are shining and he moves a little closer to me and I feel my heart speed up.
After two years of marriage, he still makes every kiss feel like the first one.
Well, the second one we shared outside of his apartment.
Gently, he raises his hand and brushes his thumb across my cheekbone.
"Eyelash." He murmurs, holding his thumb up in front of me. "Make a wish."
I do, and then I blow the eyelash.
It flies off of his finger and vanishes from sight.
"What'd you wish for?" He whispers.
"Well if I tell you, it won't come true, now will it?" I murmur with a soft smile.
He lets out a breath of astonishment.
"Wow." He says.
"What?" I ask.
"I mean, you're just so fucking beautiful. Smile again."
"What? No!" I say, but I feel my cheeks heat up and a huge grin crosses my face.
He moves even closer to me and puts both hands on my cheeks.
"I love you, Katherine Amelia Elwood." He whispers.
"I love you, too, Joshua Noah Elwood." I whisper back at him.
He smiles and I grin back at him, finally feeling like everything is gonna be okay again. I stand on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his neck, but I can't get them all the way around comfortably because he's eleven inches taller than I am.
The next thing I know, he's lifting me up onto the railing.
It's a good one hundred and fifty foot drop from here to the sea, and this ship is so big that if I go overboard, nobody will notice except for my husband.
So naturally, I shriek.
"Josh!" I gasp, locking my arms around his neck.
He has a really good grip on me, but still.
He playfully pretends to throw my back and I shriek again, locking my legs around his body.
He buries his face in my chest and I can feel him laughing.
A moment later, he lifts me off the railing and sets me down back on the deck.
I pretend to run off and he catches my hand, yanking me back. My body hits his hard chest and his arms wrap around me before I can topple backwards.
"Dick." I say with a smile.
"You're mean." He replies, reaching out to twirl my blonde hair around his finger.
I swat at his hand and start backing up, but this time he pulls me back to him.
"Wait, on a serious note," he says. "Are we really good again? I know I was a total dick today."
"I was a dick too. We're good." I smile.
"Good." He puts his hands on my cheeks. "Will you please tell me what the wish was now?"
"Nope." I smile.
"Why not?" He whines.
"Because I was it to come true, you big baby." I roll my eyes at him.
He pouts for a minute, and then he leans down, stopping his lips just a hairline from mine.
"Now?"
"Nope."
He plants a soft kiss on my jaw.
"Now?" He whispers. His voice is alluring and, well, I couldn't have sex without pain until about three months after Caiden was born, and most of the time before that hurt while I was pregnant.
Since the three month mark was when the fighting started, I haven't even been touched sexually in like, nine and a half months.
I feel him start to kiss his way down my jaw, and then I feel his hot breath on my neck. My head starts to tilt back as a reflex.
"Now?" He murmurs.
I swallow.
"Nope."
His lip brush against my neck and I breathe out a shaky breath.
The ship is full of people and guaranteed, there's somebody watching, and our family is right through the glass behind us, so they could be watching.
But right now, it's just me and my husband, who is putting feather-like kisses all over my neck.
I feel his lips hovering over the spot on my neck that drives me crazy and he pauses.
"Now?"
He has my back pressed against the railing and I fist his t-shirt in my hands.
"No." I say breathlessly.
And then he pulls away.
I look at him, outraged.
"What are you doing?" I whine.
He laughs. "You wouldn't tell me."
Since I'm pressed to the railing, I can feel the bulge in his jeans, so I know he didn't want to stop either.
"Gimme a kiss." I say.
"Nope."
"If you tongue kiss me, I'll tell you." I say.
"No you won't, you're just trying to goad me into giving the other passengers and our entire family some free porn."
"Please?" I beg.
"Nope."
I run my fingertips down his chest to the top of his jeans and dip my fingers into the waistband, pulling him as close to me as possible.
"Now?" I ask.
"No."
"Please? I pinkie promise I'll tell you." I hold up my pinkie.
His eyes narrow at me.
"You can't break a pinkie promise, Kate. It's a universal rule."
"Exactly." I urge.
With narrowed eyes, he links his pinkie with mine and shakes our hands up and down, and then he leans in and kisses me.
I kiss him back hungrily, and in no time we're full fletched making out.
After a minute or so, he pulls away.
I open my mouth to protest, but he presses his finger to my lips.
"Sweetheart, as much as I want to take you right here, I can't." He whispers. "There are a lot of people around, and I'm really, really hard." He lowers his voice on the last word so low that I have to read his lips to know what he's saying. "It's never going to go away if you we don't stop."
I sigh.
"Fine." I pout.
"You owe me now. What's the wish?"
"Oh, you just fulfilled it." I grin.
"What?" He asks.
"I wanted-"
The glass doors that are separating us from our family opens.
"Sorry to interrupt your porno recording, but your guys' kid is screaming." Josh's cousin Noah says.
I know Josh can't turn around, so I peek my head out from under my husbands arm.
"Okay, I'll be there in a second."
He nods and goes back inside.
I look up at my husband and grin.
"Coming?" I ask.
"You know I can't." He says. "My little friend-"
"Our little friend." I correct with a smirk.
He rolls his eyes. "It is making an appearance. I'll come in when it goes back to bed."
I lean up and peck his lips, slipping out of his reach.
When I reach the door, I rest my hand on the cool metal handle.
"Josh?" I ask.
He glances over his shoulder.
"Yeah?"
"Don't tuck it in, okay? It's coming back out later." I wink at him and I see his jaw drop.
With that, I pull open the door and go walking back over to my family with a shit-eating grin on my face.
Caiden is sitting on Claire's lap and he's screaming.
My smile fades as motherhood takes over and I reach my hands out for my baby.
"His diaper is dry and he won't take a bottle." Claire says. "He's not really that hot and he doesn't seem gassy. It's officially out of my hands, I did my best to be a good auntie."
"Thank you." I say over his screaming.
She hands him to me and I take him.
"Does anybody have the time?" I ask.
"It's nine thirty." My Mom says.
"Do you need help?" Megan, Josh's Mom asks.
When the family is around, they all want to do the work for me, but when it gets too hard or they don't know what he wants, they just pass him back.
"Nope, thanks though." I say because I already know what he needs.
I grab the diaper bag, partly wishing Josh was in here because he knows Caiden was well as I do, and he knows by what time it is what he needs.
What can I say? We're good parents and our baby is on a very specific schedule.
In fact, I have it on the refrigerator.
And right now, I'm a little bit frustrated because I don't know where Caiden's pajamas are because Josh packed the bag for the trip, not me.
I dig through the bag and find a full long sleeve onesie with the zipper in the center, which is the only one I buy because anything else is annoying to change diapers in the middle of the night, especially the ones with the button down the center. The three buttons between his legs aren't really that bad, but the zipper is the best route.
I lay the mat down on the booth and lie him down on it while he sits there and screams.
After removing his pants and unbuttoning his onesie, I see the line on his diaper is blue, not yellow, which means he's wet.
I don't ask Claire why she said he wasn't, because chances are be peed three seconds ago.
In under a minute and a half I've cleaned him up and put on diaper cream, and now he's lying before me in a clean diaper.
I pick him up and lay out the onesie, lying him down on it. I tuck his legs into the little feet spot and sip up the onesie, putting the button over the zipper. After that, I pick him up and reach for the changing pad to put it back, but another hand reaches out to grab it and I see my husband is back.
"What time is it?" He asks.
"Nine thirty six." Mom says.
He nods and hands me the blanket so I can cover my chest while I breastfeed, and I reach for the dirty diaper to throw it out but he's already grabbing it.
"Just do it, I'll clean up." He says.
I sit down next to my brother on the booth seat and cover my chest. I get myself ready to feed him and peek under the blanket.
In seconds, he latches on and his screams stop.
A lot of people in the same room as us are looking over here with annoyed looks, but I genuinely couldn't care less.
With everything cleaned up, Josh sits down next to me.
"How did you know what he wanted?" Claire breaks the silence.
"He's on a schedule." I say. "Plus, I know what he wants by the sound of his cry and the way he's acting."
She nods a little and looks down, seemingly upset about something.
"What's wrong?"
"I have to tell you guys something." Claire says.
We all nod, urging her on.
"I've decided that, if I don't have a boyfriend by twenty five, I'm getting a sperm donor."
Silence.
"What?" Mom asks.
"I'm not getting any younger," she says, "and I just don't want to miss my chance."
"Claire, that's ridiculous." Dad says.
"How? You met Mom in college." She says. She looks at my aunt and uncle. "You guys met in high school. Grandma and grandpa met in middle school. I'm twenty two and I've had one boyfriend in junior year who broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex with him after three months of being together. I'm a twenty two year old virgin. Liam isn't a virgin. Katherine isn't a virgin-"
"Claire, your sister is married." Mom shakes her head.
"Honey, this is crazy. I don't think it's a good idea." Josh's Mom, Megan says gently.
Josh's sister, Ashley, who is twenty one, is shaking her head in disagreement with Claire.
"Well, it's not your guys' decision. It's mine." She says bravely.
And to my surprise, everyone looks at me.
"What?" I ask.
"Talk to her." She says.
I rub my forehead and sigh.
"Claire, I didn't even meet Josh until I was twenty six."
"Well that's different. You didn't want to get married. That's why you didn't meet anybody."
"Exactly. I didn't want to get married. But I met Josh and he pushed it out of me. There are billions of people in this world. Somebody out there is made for you."
"Well, well by twenty two, you had Alex-"
Josh's family knows a tiny bit about Alex, enough for me to talk freely about my life with him.
"I think everyone can agree that Alex is not a good example." I say.
"Come on!" She says. "You had sex with him when you were, what, sixteen? You can honestly say you never had a pregnancy scare?"
"Alex is not a valid example." I say, dodging her question. I still don't like thinking about the baby I aborted.
"Well why didn't you answer about the pregnancy scare?" She asks. "I'll bet you did have at least one."
"Pregnancy scares are nothing to be proud of, Claire." I say. "And if I could erase Alex from my life completely, I would. You should be grateful that you never got with some scumbag."
"I am." She says. "But I'm not grateful because I haven't gotten with anybody. I want someone to choose me for once."
"Claire, you will meet somebody." I say. "Hell, your future husband could be on this ship. You never know. But if you don't meet him by twenty five and you have a baby, it's not going to end up like that movie with Jennifer Lopez. You're going to end up alone. Men don't want to come into a relationship where kids are already involved. If they want kids, they wait kids with you, not your kid you have with some sperm in a cup. Would you rather have kids alone, or have kids with somebody to raise them with?"
Caiden finishes feeding.
"Having a kid is not going to limit my chances to find a husband."
I cover my breast up, nodding at her words.
"Okay."
With Caiden asleep in my arms, I stand up, my eyes sweeping around the room.
"I'm going to ask five people if I wasn't happily married, would they marry me even though I have a baby. If at least three of them say no, you don't get a sperm donor."
"Fine." She says.
I glance at Josh.
"You're okay with this?"
He shrugs.
"Whatever, you're mine, so I don't really care."
Nodding, I lean down to give him a kiss, and then I spot a guy who looks to be in his early thirties about to walk out.
"Excuse me." I say.
He stops and turns to me.
"If I wasn't married, would you marry me despite the fact that I have a baby with another man?" I ask.
He eyes me up and down.
"Probably. You're pretty hot."
With that, he walks out,
"I changed my mind. I don't like this game." Josh says, already on his feet. He walks over to me and starts pulling me back to the table, and half of our family is laughing. The other half is smiling.
"Let me change the question." I say.
"Fine, but I'm coming with you."
"That completely is going to make them say no." Claire says.
"Fine." Josh says. "But the next person that calls you cute is going to hear about it from me."
He sits down, and I look around the room.
They've been playing live classical music in the background, and I see the people playing are taking a break.
And there's a microphone.
This room is full of a lot of people, especially since there's a bar in here.
Now, I'm a rather successful business woman. I have given multiple speeches in front of multiple people to convince them to do something to benefit my company.
I am comfortable on a stage with an audience full of strangers.
So I flick my hair over my shoulder, and with my sleeping six month old son in my arms, I march across the room.
"Katherine!" Claire hisses. "What are you doing?"
"Oh god, she's going to for the microphone." Noah says, and I can hear him laughing.
Without any hesitation, I walk up to the band.
"Do you guys mind if I use the microphone for just a moment?" I ask.
They all kinda look at me and my son.
"Uh, sure." The guy with the violin says.
I walk up to the microphone and check to make sure it's on.
"Excuse me." I say.
Every single head, which is probably a good three hundred people, turn to me.
"I'm sorry to interrupt your evenings." I say calmly. "I actually just have a question for all the men in this room tonight." I say. "I'm twenty nine, my name is Katherine. I have a sister named Claire who is twenty two, and thinks she's going to die alone. Because of this, she wants to get artificially inseminated. My question for you men is: how many of you by a show of hands would marry a twenty five year old, or I suppose she would be twenty six by the time the baby is born...how many of you would marry a twenty six year old with a child from another man?"
Quite a lot of hands go up.
"Please keep your hands up." I say, counting all of them. "Okay, so that's about a hundred and thirteen people." I say. "Now I would like to ask every man in the room to raise their hands."
A ton of hands go up and I struggle to count them all.
"There's easily over two hundred and sixty people in here." I say, and then I look over at my relatives who are laughing their asses off, except for Claire who has the reddest face I've ever seen. "Claire, out of two hundred and sixty people, only a hundred and thirteen would be willing to marry a single Mom." That's a hundred and forty five people that won't marry a single Mom." I say. "Now, just for shits and giggles, how many of you who said you would marry a single Mom think they would end up getting divorced?"
A few hands go up and I start counting.
"So that's fifty six-oh wait, is your hand up?" I point to a man in a navy blue shirt. He nods. "So fifty seven people. That means, my dear baby sister, you have a fifty eight out of two hundred and sixty chance that you'll end up in a successful marriage. That's like, what's that in percentage? A twenty two percent chance?" I pause. "So you're not doing it." I shrug. "Sorry to bother everyone. Thanks for participating in my little poll."
With that, I walk off that stage and go straight back to my family.
Josh has literally tears streaming down his face.
"Oh dear god," Josh's sister Ashley begins, "this is going to be the best vacation of my life."

______

I freaking love Katherine lmao
~Sam