Black & White

        Black and white.  I see it everywhere. I can't tell whether i'm wearing a bright red shirt with turquoise pants or a dark gray shirt with a lighter shade of gray pair of pants. It sucks, really. But the worst part is, I can't do anything about it. Even if color existed it wouldn't matter. My life is already an endless cycle of work and sleep, so my colorless world just adds to the effect.

Everyday, I get up, try to eat breakfast but end up just drinking a coffee, then head to work. I work five hours in a cubicle six days a week. I get every Sunday off and I usually spend them sleeping in till 4 in the afternoon. So like I said, my life is an endless cycle of work, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't need a wife or kids to feel satisfied with myself. I've got an okay amount of money, a nice apartment, a cat, plus a few friends. I think if I died tomorrow i'd be happy. 

        My cat, Captain Knots rubs against my leg as I pour water into the coffee pot for tomorrow morning. I bend over and scratch behind his ear. He purrs then jumps up onto the counter to watch me. I put the cap back on the pot then pick up Knots and sit on my couch. I take out my phone and respond to a couple emails from clients then lean my head back against the back of the couch. Knots curls into my lap as I hear a knock on the door. 

I push the cat off of my lap and answer the door. It's Jon. I smile, "Hey"

"Uh, hey Ryan. How goes it?"

"Same old, same old. You?"

"I'm good. Can I ask a favor?"

I shrug. "I guess so."

"Can you take over my shift tomorrow? I was going to hang out with Cassie all day since it's our anniversary."

"Oh, uh, right. Sure."

"Thanks, man. Means a lot." He squeezes my shoulder and says goodbye.

I close the door and roll my eyes. He's going to hang out with Cassie all day for their anniversary. Right. I forgot Jon believes in that 'love' bullshit. He probably only acts like he does for the sex. But honestly, you don't have to love someone to have sex. It's actually really easy to get laid in LA. You find a cute girl at the bar, buy her a couple drinks, then before you know it she's in your bed. Simple as that. But Jon really likes to milk out how much he likes Cassie. I remember he once told me, the first time he met her everything slowly turned into color. Which makes me laugh because there's no way that is possible in science. If you're color blind, you're color blind your whole life. You can't just meet 'the love of your life' then all of a sudden everything that was once black turns into green or pink. It just doesn't happen.

        I go to my bedroom and fall onto my bed. I stare at the ceiling and think about what I have done in my life. Sure, Jon's imaginary love life is pathetic but at least he feels like he achieved something in life. I mean, unless you call making sales calls all day to try to sell a fucking useless product something to be proud of, then I haven't done anything useful or worth remembering. I have never had a girlfriend because I didn't feel like using up the energy if love isn't real. I've only ever done the same thing everyday. Every fucking day.

And tomorrow, I'm going to repeat it all again.

The definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting something different to happen. I guess psycho's never learn.

I let out a long sigh and turn off the lamp on my nightstand and close my eyes.

Might as well sleep some since i'm working double tomorrow.

Might as well keep the cycle of insanity going.