Whispers of Shadows

It was all my fault

My eyelids felt heavy and difficult to open. My entire body felt sore and stiff. I opened my eyes finally after much effort only to be blinded by the bright light right above me. A bell started to ring continuously and a nurse with her face covered in a mask and hands covered in gloves came to me. She was checking me by the look of it. I wanted to speak but I couldn't. I looked around from the corners of my eyes trying to see as much as possible from the very little accessible visible areas because I could not move my neck. They have put a collar on my neck I guess.

"Hello dear! I am nurse Martha North. Are you feeling well enough to talk right now?" the nurse asked flashing a bright smile at me.

"Yes" I muttered difficultly.

"Good, can you tell me your name?" She asked and I looked at her. She got that I am feeling awkward and talked again.

"These are routine questions honey" she said.

"Symphony Adams" I said my voice only a whisper.

"How old are you Symphony?" She asked again while jotting down something on the note pad she was holding.

"Eighteen"

"Where are you from?"

"Port Arthur, Texas"

"Good, can you tell me how many fingers are here?" She showed me three of her fingers. What now! Am I being taken back to pre-grade here?

"Uh three fingers" I said to the nurse who were already giving me a not so pleasant look.

"Thank you for that and soon you will have transferred to a room." She said flashing a smile at me and left.

Later on two hospital attendants and a nurse accompanying them came to take me to a room. A momentary stop until the elevator dinged at the floor. As it opened a guy stepped out of it wearing full black and he flashed a smile at me and left. It felt like Déjà vu his face seemed so familiar though I have never in my life seen him before.

"Oh honey! My poor baby girl. How are you feeling now" I heard my mother's voice out of nowhere and it took a moment or two to register what was going on because I was still thinking about the guy I saw upstairs. My parents, grandparents and even my uncle's family all of them were waiting to see me. Aww you guys were here for all this time. Thank you. I thought.

"I'm so- sorry mom!" I stuttered softly and tears started to trickle down my face.

"No honey, it's alright what matter to me is that you are alright now, My baby is here with me" My sweet mother looked at me angelically wiping the tears off my face her own eyes pooled with tears. Happy ones for me.

My father and uncle both were talking to the nurse and my grandparents were standing next to me. Their presence felt so warm and welcoming but I couldn't erase that face I saw upstairs. He was overwhelming. I am so sure I know him but I cannot recall.

"Sweetpie you should get some rest. We are crowding you and it's not good." My father said walking toward me. He touched my arm lightly. I can see bags under his eyes, he hasn't slept for days it seemed.

"Dad, how long has it been?" I asked

"six days to be exact. After the accident you were in the intensive care for six days" he replied. Six days I was out for six days oh my goodness. What have I done to myself above that what have I put my family through. I am such a selfish person.

"darling Nanna will bring you some homemade cookies when I come visit you tomorrow alright" my grandmother said to me flashing her old warm smile and I nodded trying to smile back but it hurt. I try to move a muscle and it hurt like I have been hit by a truck or maybe I was.

"the nurse adviced us to leave and only one can stay with you. They say that we must not push you much and you need rest. Your mother will stay with you. We shall come and visit you okay honey!" My father said again glancing at others marking his words that everyone must leave me alone. He has always been like this, so loving yet so commanding.

"Donovan don't raise your voice like that" my mother said to him sternly in a low voice.

"that's rude dad" I smiled lightly

"nothing is rude when it comes to my baby girl" he chuckled. "alright people out we go, Symphony need her rest" Everyone said their goodbyes kissing my forehead or touching my hand. I smiled at all four and my cheeks were hurting like I have got a rock placed on them.

"Ah finally some peace and quiet "Mother said exasperating loudly and she sank in to the small couch beside my bed.

"mom, what really happened?" I asked the question I wanted to ask all this time. Mother sighed and stood up and she touched my hand lightly giving me an empathetic look.

"oh honey, you were in a crash. Taylor, Jordan all of you were in the car when the car skidded and hit a moving truck. You are one lucky girl and one hell of a fighter Symmy. The surgery took over ten hours to complete and the doctors said that your chances of recovering even after surgery was very slim but we prayed for you every day and every night, you fought for yourself and for us. Baby now you are fine absolutely fine." Tears trickled down my mother's cheeks as she finished. She looked down sniffing. I must say I am baffled from what I heard just now. I had gone through all that and survived. The next thing came in to my mind was what happened to the others who were with me in the crash.

"Mom what about the others? Are they alright?" My mother looked away from me. What is it mom just tell me now.

"Oh honey all of them are fine" she said sniffing. " Nothing serious" she said and moved quickly only to hide her face from me. Liar Liar!

"Mom please you are a very bad liar. So please tell me how are they?" I asked again pleadingly.

"As I said honey they are alright. They were injured too and but not as bad as you. The hospital discharged them earlier. You shouldn't worry they will come visit you quite soon." She said still not looking at me. I wish you would tell me the truth mom, stop lying already I didn't put it to words because I did not want to stress the same question again. Maybe she is telling the truth.

"Oh my god! Oh my god!" my mother suddenly broke down crying hysterically.

"Oh baby! I didn't want to tell you now, I thought it will be a shock to you but I cannot keep it in anymore" she cried.

"what is wrong mom"

"They. I mean Taylor and Jordan didn't make it honey oh god! I am so sorry baby!"

"What! Oh no mom, oh no! It's all my fault mom, I shouldn't have" I couldn't stop my emotions. I want to die, if only I have driven this wouldn't have happened. I will never forgive myself. Their families must be hating me. I am so sorry Jordan oh I am so sorry Taylor. I wish I was dead instead of you!

"Shshsh! Honey don't worry yourself. This is why we didn't tell you about it. For your good. "Mother tried to console me.

"How can I not worry mom, and how is it that not knowing two of my friends are dead and buried is going to do me any good. I let them die mom, it's all my fault." Unable to control my emotions I couldn't stop crying. The air felt hot and I felt as if I am out of breath. I gasped for air.

"Honey Symmy! Nurse, somebody please we need help" My mother screamed at the top of her lungs.