Dog Tags

What If

A/N: warning—loss of child (In memory of the children we never get to hold.)

I hadn't felt good for the last several days. My stomach and body ached. It just wasn't like me to be this sick. I had stayed at home from the compound that day working at my home office instead of going in. Bucky had task force training and told me that he would check in with me around lunch to make sure I didn't need anything. By mid morning, my stomach pains had gotten worse. I got up off the couch as the room started to spin. Oh this is not good. I grabbed my head and stumbled to our bedroom. I felt the room spin again. My hands went for my cell phone laying on the nightstand. I started a text to Bucky as the room spun again and I felt darkness fall upon me.

(Bucky POV)

"Ema." I called out as I entered our apartment. Why hadn't see responded to my text. The apartment was quiet too quiet.  I began looking for her downstairs, but nothing. I finally made it to our room. She was on the floor. My chest immediately tighten seeing her. I ran and bent down beside her. A lump in my throat. "F.R.I.D.A.Y. vitals now!" I screamed.

"Which set? Please specify."

"What do you mean which set? GD the only set. Ema's now."

"Ema Barns temp 103 heart rate 90"

I picked her up in my arms. That was way to high. "Hey honey can you hear me?" She moaned a little in pain.

"James." She could hardly open her eyes.

"Hey it's going to be fine. You are burning up and your pulse is way to high I getting you to the doc now." My voice almost failing me. "Don't talk." She gave me a half smile before going limp in my arms. I ran down the stairs with her in my arms.

The next moments past as fast as a battle. Steve met me at the compounds hospital. I placed her on the stretcher and they took her from me before I could move. Steve placed a hand on my shoulder. "What happen?"

"I don't know. Just found her. . ." My legs felt like they were going to give out on me. "She looked like one of the ones we used to pull off the battle field when they had. . ." I could hardly get the words out.

"Can't do that. Sit down." He pushed me down into a chair. Natasha joined us sitting next to me rubbing my back. I placed my face in my hands. I hadn't felt this broken since Steve had pulled me from the river. God please, I prayed, Please don't take her from me.  An hour passed. I stood up pacing and sat down again. More time passed and no news yet other then the doctor will be out soon.  Ugh "Buck sit down. You goin' to do her and you no good like this." Steve said flatly as he rubbed his hand through his hair. I sat back down as Natasha try to hand me a bottle of water that I refused. I placed my head back down in my hands. I should have never taken that mission. She didn't want me to go. She hadn't felt well for the last week or so. I mentally kicked myself.

"Buck." I head Steve say as he began standing up. I looked up seeing the doctor walking our way. I stood facing him.

"James, Ema will be just fine. She had a high temp and her heart rate was high as well we are starting on her antibiotics. Her body is fighting off some type of infection probably the flu. We have it under control but I'm sorry the baby is gone."

"What, what do you mean baby?" I studded.  Steve shot me a look. "She's not pregnant."

The doctor looking now at me like I was crazy. "Yes she was, probably about four to six weeks at the most.  So I am assuming you didn't know." I shook my head no. "She is asking for you. Follow me."

"Go on we will stay here." Natasha said softly. I walked following the doctor to Ema's room.

Ema was in the hospital bed pulling herself up as I entered. She sat up looking at me. Her eyes red. I knew she had been crying. Why didn't see tell me?

"Hey Doll. You had me so scared." I sat down beside her on the bed. I held her hand as her eyes filled with tears again.

"I'm sorry Buck, I'm so sorry.  I ugh. .wanted to surprise you and then you were gone on the Mexico mission." She placed her face in her hands and cried again. My heart broke for her and our baby. "Please don't be mad at me, maybe if I had. . ." I pulled her close to me and held her. Tears filled my eyes.

"Stop it. Don't even think that Ema. Look at me Doll." I held her face in my hands. "None of this is on you. None of it. I  know enough about pregnancy that this happens sometimes. That this means we try again when you want too." She gave me a slight smile. "That's my girl." I kissed her on top of her head.

"Promise?"

"Yes, when ever you are ready I am too." She took a deep breath. "I love you."

"I love you too Bucky."