Dressed In Black (Paetzchele Fanfiction)

Part One

Part One

I guess sometimes in life things happen for a reason. It doesn’t have to be a good reason but they just happen. One second everything can be perfect and the next ruined. I realized life was like that the day the love of my life was taken from me. He was my soul mate. Every day I miss him, I miss the sound of his voice when he told me he loved me every opportunity he got. I miss his breath on my neck as he’d cover me in kisses first thing in the morning, I miss the way he’d get me a coffee before I was even up and ready and yet all these things seem such simple things to miss but they are everything to me. I just miss his presence most days. It’s lonely being alone. But when you’re actually alone you realize how much you miss someone. I never thought it would end up this way, I never thought I’d be the one throwing a rose down at grave on his funeral and wiping away my own tears as my mom and dad stand supportively besides me and hold onto a arm each as they try to control my sobs at the realization you were gone and never coming back. But now 6 months on I am beginning to find my way again. I understand why you were taken for me. I understand you’re watching me and I know your proud of me and all my success. It saddens me knowing you’re not here here with me to hold my hand and hold me when it gets too much or if I’m so excited I can’t sleep but every time I look up I imagine you reaching out and taking me close to your chest and kissing the top of my head.

 

I had given up

I didn’t know who to trust

So I designed a shell

Kept me from heaven and hell

And I had hit a low

Was all I let myself know

Yeah I had locked my heart

I was imprisoned by dark

I woke up the next morning to my cat Shelia snuggled closely against my chest. She had been my main source of comfort throughout these lonely months. She never left my side and it was like she understood somewhat my pain. She seemed to curl closer to my body whenever I was alone, like she wanted me to be constantly with her. She was always affectionate but since he wasn’t here she got closer. Today I was filming my second single of my album ‘On My Way’. I can’t even begin to explain how happy I know my fans love my album and understand how I relate to every single song. On My Way was one of the fun songs off my album and my management agreed it would be good for me to use it as the next single. I also for personal reasons felt that recently I was on my way to becoming Lea Michele again. I wasn’t the destroyed and heartbroken version of me. I was becoming determined to be happy again and it was present in my work and my appearance. I got out of bed and put on some basic clothes knowing I would be changing outfits into the selected clothes for the music video. I feed Shelia her food and left the house, locking the door. I arrived at the hidden location where we would begin shooting the music video. I heard they were aiming to finish it in two days because of the sunlight we’d have to make it over two days. I didn’t mind though as I preferred not having to rush my projects. I wanted to give the best performance I could and by doing it slowly it meant there was less room for mistakes.

Even now I think of Cory, I think of how he would have been here for me, I laugh at the way I know he’d be happy about the lack of clothes I’m wearing in some of the scenes and the way he’d enjoy my dancing. He always loved my dancing and would tease me to no end about teaching him how to dance. Even though I told him he’d only be able to do girly dancing. He didn’t mind though. I let my distractions end when my glam team entered the small trailer they had ordered and began to get me ready. I already felt so much better having them around me. They had become family to me. They saw me almost every day so they knew my moods and could often work out when I was having a particular hard day. Their jokes and laughs uplifted me.

I heard the director call my name and I went to go film my first scene. We were riding a car across the dirt track in the middle of nowhere. I couldn’t help but look at my surroundings and just feel free. It felt like when I went on my morning runs and I just stood at the top of a hill and felt like I was the only person there for miles around me.

I get introduced to everyone on set and all the extras who would be with me. I smile softly and shake all their hands. I was happy when I heard they had chosen the right people and now seeing them in similar outfits to mine I was happy with my team’s choices. I couldn’t help but stare at one of the guy’s smiles. He had one that reminded me of Cory. It was soft yet it was captivating. “Matthew right?” I saw him walk by my side as we walked towards the car to begin filming. He nodded and smirked. “You look beautiful today by the way,” He added and yet me to walk off quicker and get the instructions from the director. For the first time in months I felt my heart flutter. His voice was having such an affect on my skin.

“Right Lea, stand up please, go a little to your left” He directed me and I followed him intensively as he positioned me where he wanted me exactly. He had worked with famous stars before and I trusted his decisions. He gave me the lines to mime while they recorded this scene. I felt someone’s hand on my waist to keep me in place. I looked down to see Matthew smiling up to me. His fingers curved around the bottom of my ribs perfectly. I couldn’t help but blush.

I knew I missed Cory and that my love for him wouldn’t be fading, but could this really be the start of me finally healing? Could he be the guy to help fix my heart?