Dressed In Black (Paetzchele Fanfiction)

Part Four

You found me dressed in black
Hiding way up at the back
Life had broken my heart into pieces
You took my hand in yours
You started breaking down my walls
And you covered my heart in kisses
I thought life passed me by
Missed my tears, ignored my cries
Life had broken my heart, my spirit
And then you crossed my path
You quelled my fears, you made me laugh
Then you covered my heart in kisses

Lea POV

I couldn’t even remember the last time I cried. It had been a few weeks at least. I knew I was finally recovering and his memory was like a happy reminder in my life compared to the darkness that seemed to cling to me like glue. I had been going out of the house much more, for work mostly but often Matthew would come round and we’d go out together and he would just spend the whole time keeping my mind occupied and making me smile. I knew he was someone to keep in my life. He kept me grounded and never once forced to me to forget about Cory. He seemed to understand how I was grieving and knew the impact Cory had upon my life. He text he last night asking me if I was free today and I replied back telling him I was, due to Ryan moving our day’s filming to tomorrow leaving today all empty in my schedule. I got dressed into a pair of comfy jeans and a crop top that hung against my figure in all the right places; I put on a pair of trusty sandals and waited til he knocked on my door.

He walked straight into my home and laid down a bouquet of fresh flowers on my small table right next to the front door. He’d been bringing me fresh flowers every time he came round and filling my downstairs with lush scents. I grabbed my small over the shoulder strap bag and locked the door as we left. He directed us to his car and I allowed him to drive us wherever he’d decided we’d go today.

He continued driving til we reached this small car park in the middle of what seemed like something from a fairytale or adventure story. Tall pine trees surrounded us, agmost them were bushes and wild flowers, there were tiny mountains in the distance also covered in the same greenery. “Is this the place?” I asked. Matthew nodded confidently and got out of the car. He came round and opened the door for me, holding onto my hand delicately to help me get out from the low seat before he pressed the button that locked his Audi.

Matthew took my hand is in his as he lead the way. Despite how close we got he never pushed me. He understood I was still grieving and only took the steps he knew I was ready for. We walked around this paradise until the sun began to slowly set. By this point we had been walking solidly from when we’d since arrived early afternoon. I was fit but this was even testing me. I hadn’t prepared for a hike. We walked up the mountain we saw in the distance and that’s when Matthew stopped in his tracks. He suggested we sit down. It was clear and there only a few traces of dirt where we sat down. I looked around as I breathed in the different atmosphere. I looked down at the world and saw completely darkness. Everywhere was dark. It was such a surreal feeling. I looked across several miles in the distance and saw the small lights. And realized it was where I lived. Where we were currently was completely pure of light population, it was 100% natural.

I looked at Matthew and saw how content and relaxed he looked. Despite him knowing what was going through my head 24/7 I didn’t know much about him. I could tell in his moment he came him often, the way he just sat down and began to allow his thoughts to consume him without realizing I was sat next to him. I reached across his lap and took his hand in mine. His head turned and he smiled, his lips brushed against my cheek before he turned back to focus on the view in front.

“What are you thinking about?” I finally broke the silence. His entire body stiffened within seconds of me asking him.

“My past” he quietly replied.

I sensed he felt uncomfortable and went to change the subject quickly. I wouldn’t ever want to make him feel awkward around me. He had gone out of his way to ensure I never felt that way. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked”.

“Lee, I don’t mind talking to you.” he paused. “A lot of people judge me on my past, they judge the decisions I made when I was so much younger and hold them against me instead of looking at the man I am now. They think just because I needed to get into this business and sometimes you do things you wouldn’t necessarily have considered before that it makes you that person all the time” I understood him. When I first started out I had made several decisions based upon directors and getting them to like me rather than being true to myself. Surely though I stopped that as soon as I realized I wasn’t being me but I knew Matthew wasn’t as lucky as that.

“Sometimes It’s so damn hard being judged every single day for like not even a year of my life when I was still practically a kid. I just want people to see me who I am. And sitting here however stupid it sounds I feel me” he took in the fresh air. “I feel free here you know? I see the world in front of me and know that right here I’m the one watching it and judging it, not the other way round”.

“Matthew, I get it. But know I see the real you. I see the guy who wants to make sure I’m okay, the one who comes round at ridiculous times during thunderstorms and holds me, the guy who gives me unlimited supplies of hugs and tissues when I cry and the especially the guy who was the first person to make me feel like I was going to be okay again” I leaned across and pressed my lips against him. I hesitated because I couldn’t feel his pressing against mine with the same force I applied.

“Lea are you sure?” I just nodded.

He leaned across and kissed me harder. Our tongues began to fight against each other as our lips molded into one. For several minutes that’s how we sat with the sunset in front of us slowly disappearing.