XXXII

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            I tried not to think as much anymore

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            I tried not to think as much anymore. Sometimes I couldn't help it, my mind would wander in the rare quiet moments I got. I never realized how hard it was to keep yourself busy, I was constantly looking for things to do to stay busy. If I didn't, my guilt would drive me crazy.

Ember was squirming in my arms, the six-month-old girl had curly locks of hair as she held onto my ripped clothing. Mason walked alone beside Red as his fists gripped his knife firmly. His own curls were kinky as it was pulled back into a bun. His face pulled into a frown.

There was no familiar clicking of nails against the pavement as we walked, just the pad of boots. A few more than we had previously had.

A car that we had previously found ran out of gas when we finally all piled out of it, setting to foot that so many of us had become accustomed to. There was no familiar whining or complaining, it was unsettling, the quiet unnerving.

I was still looked at as a leader among my group. Red was too, she mellowed me out as I would become high strung. She knew my weaknesses and complimented them as I did her as well. But I still struggled with my nightmares when I finally fall asleep.

I was trying to not sleep as much, the nightmares plagued me, and nothing helped with them. I still dreamed of taking Javier's arm off, Bens painful moans, finishing Sara off, Hero dropping to the ground, I can still hear Embers screeches, I still have the impending loneliness in me when I saw that Luna was gone.

I can still see Jaspers hopeful eyes as I held him, his leg gushing with blood from a dead that got ahold of him.

Everything had changed in a six-month period.

I handed Ember to Red once the large wooden gates finally came into sight, our journey close to finishing. We had continued moving North, hoping to make it to another settlement before we hit our destination.

After a lot of arguing, debating, and tears we finally decided where we were going to do with very precarious cautions that we were going to have to take.

Nudging Mace softly, he stepped behind Red, his fist tightening on the knife at his waist as I took the lead.

We had given so much, people have given their lives for us to make it to this place, we weren't going to give up now.

A pair of two left the tree line about ten paces in front of us. "Welcome to Failsafe." The man to the left spokes up, his blonde hair cleanly cut around his ears. The teen to his right looked like a younger version of him, his stature slighter, face slimmer, less confidence.

"Well must have the doctor check you before you're allowed through the second gate, but you all can come on through. They'll get you fed and we will have you talk with our leader. He can explain everything more in depth for you." He ushered us forward as he moved the group of ten moved forward, the rest of the group watching on in the distance.

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