[cat·fish] verb /ˈkatˌfiSH/ *informal*
• lure (someone) into a relationship by means of a fictional persona
• a catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not using social media sites to create false identities, particularly to purse de...
THE INTERNET IS A DANGEROUS PLACE filled with lonely people. Some of them are desperate enough to give affection to people who they hardly know, while others are desperate for affection from people who hardly know them. This is something that, before meeting Christian, I had not grasped the idea of. Online dating is pretty much the standard today, and it makes sense with the technology-driven world that we have in just the reach of our fingertips. Technology breaks down barriers, and in the case of internet relations, it breaks down our normal skepticism and comfort that comes with meeting people in person. It allows us to connect and get to know someone without actually getting to know them. And that illusion of connection can make online dating particularly dangerous.
If I was going to lie about things; I would say that I actually thought about the internet being a dangerous place. If I was going to keep up with all the lies I was telling, I would say that my initial expectation of the internet was to search for whatever information I wanted, and the freedom to add all my friends on every social media that I could think of. The possibilities were basically endless with communication. But that wasn't exactly my expectation, that was what phones were for. If I was actually a good liar, I would tell myself that I met Christian on purpose, that it was some kind of divine thing that happened; like destiny. Maybe the universe wanted me and Christian together, and so I just had to become popular on Instagram because that's the only way my destiny would come to pass. That would have been a great lie to tell. I could definitely sprinkle a little bit of romance left and right to make myself sound more interesting; to make him sound more interesting. We both had this kind of cosmic pull towards each other, and he was there, waiting for me. I wish it was something that I could pretend wasn't so complicated.
The year was 2018, I was getting ready for one of the last fraternity parties of the final semester of my senior year. It was a hard concept for me to comprehend, the experience of drinking until you were sick and repeating the vicious cycle over and over again but yet here I was once again sucked into the madness. The multicolored dress with over a dozen cutouts tightly clung to my body as I would reach down to tighten the straps on my heels. My roommate, Serena, handed me a pair of earrings to complete my outfit.
"They're wine pregaming in the garden, let's go take some candids for the 'gram." Serena insisted.
"I don't know," I said, feeling insecure. "I'm so worried about my hair," I said as I brushed back my newly dyed locks. This was at the point in my life that I had nearly ruined my naturally blonde hair after hastily been pressured to box dye my hair brown.
"It looks fine." She shook her head and tilted it to the side. "I kinda like it. Breaking the sorority stereotype."
I giggled at her remark and joined my fellow sisters out in the garden, and of course, using this time for the perfect photo opp. With fifteen thousand followers at the time, I gained likes and comments pretty quickly, most of which I ignored despite being a pretty materialistic girl. I was just happy for a following and I knew that I wanted to spread positivity through my platform once I graduated with my dietetic degree as I transitioned into my first internship.
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alyssajohnson: just me dramatically sitting on a table :) 7,438 likes | 32 comments
I was pleased with both myself and Serena's work after the picture had been uploaded. It remains one of my favorite pictures of myself even to this day. Maybe because of the power it held, maybe because the universe thought I was worthy enough after taking this picture. I don't know why I liked this picture honestly, I do know that the event it leads to after is something not easily forgotten by me.
"looking cute ;)" someone by the user christianyelich had commented, I had never seen him comments before since I normally get them from the same people each time. I had checked his profile out, he was obviously cute but what really caught my attention was the fact that he had been an MLB baseball player, not some wannabe college athlete that posted periodically about how good they thought they were despite having little to no talent.
I went back to the comment and replied, "@christianyelich not too bad yourself, text me sometime. ;) xxx-xxx-xxxx"
And within a minute I had received a text that read, "Hi cutie" and we haven't quit texting since.
I didn't question anything, and maybe that was my mistake. But the thing about Christian was that from the beginning, he was so good. He was too good to be true. I did ask him about how he had found my Instagram, and he'd said he was lurking around on his explore page and just found me one day. Of course, I believed him. Down the line, as months went by, I started falling in love with him. I asked Christian more and more why he wouldn't meet me; why he wouldn't FaceTime me so we could at least speak face to face. I even invited him to my graduation, which was quickly shot down by saying that he had a game during that day. A quick fact check could confirm that, but there was never any explanation for why we couldn't speak to one another. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted to be with him in person. I wanted to see the person I had given the last year of my life.
I continued with my internship, my life. Serena and I eventually moved in together in Pittsburgh where we both eventually found jobs. Her as a digital content manager with the Pittsburgh Steelers, and myself as a dietician nutritionist under the same practice I had gone through for my internship. Our lives felt complete, we were really living out our dreams. But it was almost like nothing had changed. I didn't really date anyone because I was worried about him. Every relationship I'd ever attempted always ended in "why couldn't this be Christian?" I wanted him, and no one else. I pestered him. I didn't understand why he refused to FaceTime me, or why he could never make time to Skype.
