Blue (The Spectrum Series: #3)

Chapter Seventeen

I expected the heartache to come after Blue said what he said. I'd seen my fair share of romance movies to know I'd feel like my heart was sucked out of my chest. That I'd mope around, that is if I could even drag myself out of bed. And that I wouldn't be able to look at the color blue without thinking of him...

None of that happened. I wished I could go through those over-exaggerated scenarios, where the girl gets the guy in the end after working out their feelings with a good ol' chase through the airport. Instead, I got nothing but... nothing. Numbness. Emptiness. Every other freaking synonym I can think of. I wasn't heartbroken because I was too angry at myself to go through the woes of getting your heart crushed by an asshole who, according to every romance movie ever, will be a brand-new guy at the end of our 'movie.' I roll my eyes. I wish.

I shouldn't even be fazed by his 180-change of emotions. He's always been hot and cold toward me. Nice one second and a complete jerk the next. But I'm not seething with rage because he dismantled my heart with every wicked word. I'm seething with rage because I was too stupid to brace myself. Normally I plan ahead so that I know what to expect. He was going to hurt me one way or another, cut-and-tried, I knew it from the moment we first kissed. And despite my brain warning me to stay away from him, I leaned into his embraces, smiled at his dimpled laugh, and watched movies with him. I fell for him, even if it was the slightest bit, it still managed to shut off my brain and all the warnings.

But there is a silver lining in my idiocy, I can focus on the more important things. Juilliard being the most important factor. I came here with a passion to focus on dance and live out my childhood dreams of being on the Carnegie Hall stage during the Snowflake Showcase. If anyone ever told me I would ever let some boy get in the way of that, I would have laughed in their faces and turn the other cheek. I won't let him turn me into a moping girl who eats more ice-cream more than she showers. He may have distracted me for a little, but he will not throw me off my path. I refuse to let him.

"Thanks for doing this for me," Finn says and winces as I press the alcohol pad to the deep cut on his mouth.

"Of course. I would be a terrible friend if I didn't help with this," I say and wave at his face. He laughs but I instantly feel guilty and continue gently cleaning the semi-healed cut on his lower lip.

It's been a few days since the incident in the auditorium. When I asked Finn why Blue hurt him, he told me it was because he asked if he was okay, since he had stormed in and looked really pissed. And a little drunk. Which surprised me because I don't remember him seeming drunk after. Sure, he staggered a bit as he walked away from me and slurred once or twice, but I just thought he was inebriated off breaking my heart. I must have been too busy being struck by his words to really notice.

"My mom can't make it to the party today," he suddenly says. His voice is thick with a heavy emotion. It weighs down on my arm, stopping me from tying his black and gray tie. "She's at the prison visiting my father." Pausing, he picks his piercing gaze from the floor to look at me. "He's coming out in a year, and she's been visiting him ever since he got in there. Every single weekend. You know she tried to get me and my sister to visit him on Father's Days?" He scoffs and looks away, shaking his head.

I wish I could make things better for him. I wish I could get his mom to see how vile her husband was and still is, not cutting the emotional ties she seems to be clinging onto so desperately. I wish I could go back in the past and hold little Finn's hand and tell him things will get better; that he will go after his dreams of being a professional guitarist and be in the proclaimed Juilliard while doing so.

But all I can do now is bend down and pull his large body into my arms. He allows me to hug him and sighs into my neck. He is upbeat all the time, always bearing a wide smile and studying along my side. We talk and laugh with each other like he was my greatest friend in another world, and that may as well be the case, because he breathes like I've done this plenty of times. And he'd be right, because I will be here for him always.