I cried. Just warning Ya
Let me tell you the story that nobody knows, I wasn't wise and I definitely wasn't old. I guess you could say it was dumb, that I set myself up for sadness because I knew what the outcome would be. He was so great, so nice, everything that I didn't have in my life up till that point. But he was terribly life threateningly sick, to the point where he couldn't stand up without falling every few seconds, but the light in his eyes never faded or left. He was happy I was there and asked me to act normal around him, as if his sickness wasn't a factor that constantly weighed on our relationship.
So that's exactly what I did, day in and day out. When we would have small dates in his hospital room, laying together and watching horror films, or sappy romance movies that seemed way too far out to be real, I would act as if I didn't hear him struggling to keep his breathing regular. And when we held each other I would pretend that his body wasn't uncontrollably shaking to the point where I started shaking too. Or that when we kissed, I didn't taste his salty tears on my lips, reminding me that he knew he wasn't well either.
The last day I spent with him we got into a huge argument. He had said something that really didn't settle well with me so I snapped at him, and he snapped back. Colorful words left both of our mouths and he was still shaking, but this time it was out of anger. When he pulled up a very sensitive topic and threw it in my face, saying that I was no good because of what I'd done and that he wished I would have just stayed out of his life is when the argument stopped. Tears cascaded down my face as my hand flew up to my mouth to stop the sob that was threatening to escape. His eyes widened in realization as he tried to sit up and get out of bed to apologize to me. But I ran out before he could.
I ran through the halls of the sad hospital, seeing faces of distress, anger, sadness and happiness all around me. I made it outside the hospital doors and let myself fall to my knees to sob my heart out. I didn't think words could ever have such an effect. I was devastated that those words of spite came out of him and were directed towards me. I had only been with this boy for a short amount of time- maybe 4 months, but he had made my life better, even when his life seemed to be ending. And that made me cry more, that the one person who could make me feel as if my existence was important was leaving me, that at some point I would never get to hear his voice again, or feel his touch, or even the comfort that came to me knowing he was alive.
The thing that stopped my train of thought was his voice. It was weak and sounded sad. I looked up and saw him standing before me, shaking and constantly losing his balance.
When he stood up, you could tell he was sick, his body was almost all skin and bone and he was deathly pale. The light in his eyes seemed even brighter than before though. It was something I would never understand. I didn't get how his eyes could look so alive in the state he was in, but they always did.
He fell forward and wrapped his skinny arms around me, holding on tightly and crying to me, saying how sorry he was that he really didn't mean what he said. He told me that I deserved better than a dying sick boy who couldn't even take his girl on a proper date, that I deserved someone as kind hearted as I was, He said I deserved someone who would never hurt me with words like he did and that he didn't deserve me. He looked me in the eyes and told me that he loved me before laying his head on my shoulder, still continuing to sob.
But before I could reply he stopped shaking, stopped crying, and his head slipped from my shoulder to a uncomfortable position.
I yelled at him, shook him, told him not to leave me because I loved him too, but it didn't bring him back.
Tony Reed died in my arms after confessing his love me at the age of 23.
Even though I'm still sad, I don't regret loving the dying sick boy and spending most of my time with him. Because even when he was on the brink of death, his eyes never lost their light, and I knew my life shouldn't lose its light either, even though the love of my life was gone. I had to move on in time. But I'd never forget Tony Reed.
