Chapter 11: Bella
Evie and I talked for hours today. Just planning how she's going to kill Jacob. I suggested she stab him in the dick then cut off his head and bring it back to me on a silver platter so I can mount it on my wall and relive the moment forever. She said, "Love that for you, but we should do something a little less messy." We settled on removing his heart instead. That way, he dies and Evie gets a snack.
"We love a lesbian manslaughter duo!" says Evie excitedly.
"LESBIAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?! BUT I'M STRAIGHT!!!!! DICK AMIRITE HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA," I replied in a nonchalant tone.
"Sure sweetie. Whatever helps you sleep at night."
"PENIS!!!!!"
***
I'm sitting on my couch, going over the conversation Evie and I had earlier. I can't believe she thought I was a lesbian. I'm obviously not. I mean, sure I think penises are weird and gross and I never want to touch one in my life, let alone have one in me, but that doesn't mean I'm gay? Does it? No, of course not.
I'm obviously just sexually frustrated because I found out my crush that I totally want to dick me down is gay. That's it. I just need to lose my virginity to a man right here and now. And I know just the guy to stick it in me.
"Hey Mike, wanna come over later and watch some movies? My dad's out of town so we can take as long as we want," I say casually, hoping he'll pick up what I'm putting down.
"Ummm... Sure, Bella. When should I come over?" he answers, somewhat confused.
"Now. I need you here now,"
"Okay... I'm on my way."
"ON MY GAY??? I'M NOT GAY!!!!!!" I assure in panic.
"I said way..."
"OH. Okay. See you soon, Mikey,"
"Don't call me that."
"Okay." Mikey.
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