A Forbidden Love Between Edward and Jacob: A Lot of Angry Sex

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight: Bella

The more time I had to myself, the more time I had to think. Normally, when I was alone with my thoughts, nothing bad happened. But that was before I got involved with supernatural beings. Knowing Edward had done something to me. Even though I never talked to him, my love for him grew every day. You would think that therapy would help, but I only got angrier and angrier. I just sat there, telling Dr. Smalls the bare minimum of my problems, pretending that I actually wanted to work through them. But I desperately didn't want to let go of them. If I did actually move on, I was afraid I wouldn't have any reason to live. My love for Edward, his love for Jacob, and my hate of their relationship were the only things keeping me going.

Because of my zombie like behavior and my possessiveness over Edward, all of my "friends" had disowned me. I sat by myself at lunch and stared at Edward and his family. I knew that they knew that I was staring at them, but I couldn't bring myself to feel shame, that would take some amount of self respect. I couldn't even eat because my head swirls with fantasies. My mind cannot stop imagining Edward walking towards me and telling me that he loves me and not Jacob. He hugs me and everything is perfect. Those moments when he loved me in my mind, were the only moments when I was happy. And not psychotic.

All of the never ending emotions that are running through my body were starting to break out. I worked hard every day to make sure that no one knew what I was actually feeling. I made sure that no one knows how much pain I was in. I pretended that I was normal. But I was definitely not normal. When you have constant dreams about murdering someone you know, that's when you know you're not normal.

Sometimes when I was trying to fall asleep and my mind sort of took over, and I could see them. I saw Edward and Jacob kissing. Images of them dance across my eyelids. I hadn't seen them together but I knew their love was getting stronger. I constantly wondered about them. How were their families dealing with their relationship? Did their families even know? I wanted to forget. But how could I when I didn't want to let go. Gosh, I was confusing. I didn't even understand myself, how could my dad expect someone else to understand me? Human men are confusing. Vampire men are confusing. Werewolf men are confusing. ALL MEN ARE CONFUSING.

Sometimes I just want to yell at the sky.

I felt like before I met Edward, I was living half a life. I didn't know what to do, I didn't feel love. Not really anyway. And then we met, and he was about to tell me he loved me back, but then that stupid Jacob Black just came in and ruined everything. I began to feel anger again. My vision went red and steam spills out of my ears. HOW DARE THAT DAMN, IDIOTIC WEREWOLF START SINGING THAT MOTHERFLUFFING BEAUTIFUL SONG TO MY  VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND.

We used to be friends. Hell, we were best friends, I would've done anything for him, and this is how he repays me? By stealing someone that I love? I can't believe that I used to trust him. I even had a crush on him. And for what? This was betrayal at its finest, the one thing that all women know not to ever do. Even most men have the sense to follow the simple rule of never making a move on someone your friend has a crush on. And he completely disregarded that, disregarded me! 

Before I could even think, I grabbed the lamp by my bed and threw it against the wall. It broke into a million pieces. Just like my heart when Edward chose Jacob. I guess when you start singing It's Raining Men, you can get any boy.

---

I felt like I needed a plan. I doubted there would be anyway that I could get Edward without Jacob out of the picture. So I guessed I'd just have to remove Jacob from Edward's life. Then Edward would definitely love me. I was not completely fond of killing my ex-best friend, but it became a much more comfortable thought the more I pondered it.  I mean, how could I really feel bad about the person, no, the thing , that stole the one person I love away from me? He had it coming.

That's when it hit me. The one thing I felt like I had to do. No, needed to do. I wouldn't kill him, no matter how much I hated him, I wouldn't be able to kill him, not when it came down to it. No, I would hire someone. Someone that would have absolutely no problem doing what needed to be done. They would have to be strong, strong enough to kill a werewolf, and I knew I couldn't find someone like that anywhere. I was going to have to dig deep.

I swiftly pulled my laptop from my school bag and opened up Chrome. I blushed slightly when my search history came up. One of these days, I was going to have to figure out how to delete it. I shook my head, an attempt to shake out my embarrassing thoughts. Nobody needed to know. I clicked on the search bar and typed in "black market." I'd heard you can get good stuff from there.

I almost snapped my computer in half when I found out that the first thing that pops up is a men's clothing store. The black market shouldn't have been that hard to find. I was just going to have to figure something else out.

I sat for a good few minutes, pondering how to get where I wanted. If I couldn't just Google it, what else was there for me to try?! Then I had an idea, I looked up "assassins for hire" thinking that would obviously give me the right information. And it did. I even found a website, I Want to Kil.com.

Now this, was something I had never before seen the likes of. There were so many profiles describing the ways in which they were willing to kill as well as what status of person and so on so forth. It was horrifying. But still amazing. I found myself caught in a sort of morbid fascination, thinking about how a website like this could only exist if there were multiple people that wanted someone gone. Like, lots of people.

I felt infinitely better about setting someone out to kill Jacob as I scrolled through the website, realizing that I wasn't so alone in my feelings. That there were other people like me. Well, not really, I doubt that there are too many people that had their vampire boyfriend-to-be stolen right out from under them by their werewolf ex-best friend, but my point still stands.

I gave the website a good look through, clicking on all the specified species tabs, human, werewolf, shapeshifter, emo, witch, but no one stood out. They all said the same things and the same capabilities, it got to the point where the people were blurring together and I couldn't distinguish who had said what in my mind. It was getting to be tiring and I was starting to think that I would have to just kill him myself and spare me the trouble of going through that God awful website. It wasn't until the vampire tab when I started to have some hope. Of course a vampire would be the perfect species to take down a werewolf. They are natural enemies, not that Edward and Jacob would care about that.

I scrolled through the different profiles, trying to find the perfect person to kill my ex best friend, but only one of the innumerable profiles really caught my eye, Evie. She was a vampire, fast, strong, and capable. Not to mention pretty, gorgeous, actually. And she was exactly what I was looking for. I knew just by looking at her that she would be able to do just what I wanted of her and more.

Getting excited, I began to write the message asking her to help me. Except, I had no idea how. What do you even say to someone that you want to kill the guy you spent your childhood with and had a slight crush on?! But nevertheless, I got something out. Before I could really think about what I was doing, I pressed send. Now all I had to do was wait for a reply.