If Only - Hyungwonho

Chapter 33

// I decided to smush the previous 'chapter' and this one together, so the first part isn't new 😘 the paragraph was a bit shit so I changed some of the sentence structure too lol//

I was woken up at 6am by my ringtone. I fumbled for my phone with my eyes still glued shut, knocking over a couple of textbooks on my bedside table which I didn't care about. I turned the call onto speaker and placed it on my pillow.

"Hoseok? Are you there?"

"mhm...."

"um... Are you alright?"

"... Yeah, I'm... Fine. Wait, Nayeon? Is that you?"

"Didn't you save my number?"

"..."

"Anyway, I was wondering if you'd like to meet up today. I'm in town, and I thought that we-"

"Today isn't great for me...Sorry."

"Oh. Well, maybe next time then."

"Yeah."

I hung up the phone.

~

I laid in my bed and studied the imaginary patterns on the ceiling, just as I had been doing for the previous few days. Kihyun had visited a couple of times to try to convince me to move, but he could barely get me out of bed, let alone drag me all the way to school. He told me that he hadn't seen Hyungwon in class either.

Hyungwon probably has it worse than me. I shouldn't be the one sulking.

Not that I cared about him. I didn't really feel like I cared for anything anymore. Not Hyungwon, my friends, my studies... I felt like I was hanging somewhere between boredom, heaviness, and this sense of numbness that seemed only to grow as time passed.

My stomach growled, and I stretched my limbs. I hadn't eaten since Kihyun had spoon fed me soup the previous morning. I had promised my best friend that I'd eat after he left, but I hadn't felt like going to the kitchen.

Finally deciding that my health wasn't worth sacrificing, I ventured downstairs for the first time in a while in search of a snack. A few sour-smelling apples lay covered in flies in the fruit bowl, along with a couple of slightly too brown but edible looking bananas. I took one and ate it quickly. I hadn't realised how hungry I was.

Taking another banana with me, I noticed the empty shelf where Daisy's cage used to be. On it was a note in familiar, neat handwriting.

She wasn't looking good. You can't take care of her if you can't take care of yourself. I'm looking after her for a while, she'll be fine.
Get it together, Hoseok.

-Ki

It was probably for the best that she was in Kihyun's care. He didn't even like her that much, but he was in a far better mental state than I was, and I definitely didn't want Daisy to have to suffer because of my own mistakes.

I continued to my room and sat cross-legged on my bed to eat the other banana. It was mushy and flakey at the same time, with a sickly sweet flavour. It didn't bother me.

Tap...

Tap...

I turned my head towards the window, where the tapping noise had been coming from. The curtains were drawn, so I had no idea what it was.

Tap...

I waited a few moments. The tapping had stopped, and for some reason, I felt myself needing to gather courage to go to over and open the curtains. After a while, I felt my legs swing off the side of the bed and carry me across the room.

I peeked through the gap in the curtains, unsure of what to expect. I couldn't see anyone, and it did cross my mind that I imagined the sound all together.

Then I noticed it. Beside the driveway and directly beneath my window was the rucksack I had left at Hyungwon's.

It it seemed that it had been left in a rush, squashing a couple of plants, but not left carelessly, as I soon realised.

That particular area was sheltered from the shower of beautiful snowflakes that fluttered past my window and rested on the blades of grass below. The lacey crystals seemed to sparkle and glisten in the sunlight for just a moment, until they melted one by one and disappeared entirely.

// I think I'm back :) //