If Only - Hyungwonho

Chapter 25

Hyungwon

We need to talk

As soon as possible
Where are you???

You

I'm still at school
By the lockers

Hyungwon

is the park okay

It's just a ten minute walk from school
Nobody uses it
I'm there now

You

Um OK
I'm on my way

Hyungwon

Good.

Oh god. He brought out the fucking punctuation.

What on earth does he want to see me for? To be honest I already had a few ideas, most of which included me getting politely rejected and very embarrassed. Why else would he have seemed so sassy? A growingly familiar sense of doubt began to return to my stomach as I wondered if I had been misinterpreting his signals all along. What if he was truly happy with Minhyuk who provided him with all the love and attention a boy could ask for, and didn't want anything to do with me?

No. I knew what I had seen, what I had felt, and there was simply no 'just friends' explaination to it. So with my head held high, I left school without a second thought and walked through the rain once more.

Thankfully, the rain had subdued to just a gentle drizzle and the sun had started to shine through gaps in the clouds. By the time I had reached the park, it had ceased completely and my clothes and hair even started to dry.

I only used the park sparingly, and it had been at least five years since my last visit. I noticed that the children's play equipment I used to play on had been covered in graffiti, as had the benches and skate ramps. As Hyungwon had said, barely anybody was around. It was easy to spot him sat alone on a vandalised bench, his tie loosely around his neck and his blazer discarded on the seat beside him, despite the cold. He stared at his hands which rested on his lap and picked at the skin around his thumbs, clearly lost deep in thought.

So as not to surprise him, I cleared my throut and shuffled my feet on the tarmac, causing him to notice me at last. He pulled his blazer onto his lap and gestured for me to sit down beside him.

He immediately tensed at our close proximity, but relaxed again after a sigh. We sat like that for what seemed like ages, until Hyungwon finally looked into my eyes and placed a hand on my knee. His eyes were wide and frightened, and his fingers felt cold but firm through the fabric of my trousers.

"Look, I don't know what to do anymore." His lips quivered. "I don't know what I want, and I don't know what you want from me. All I know is..." He trailed off, removing his hand from my knee and interlacing it with his other. "I... I r-really like you. B-but it's not that simple, Hoseok."

I watched as he leant his head back and closed his eyes. I felt a million emotions rush through me at once. Happiness, relief, pride... but also something else.

Guilt.

What I was putting Hyungwon through and the decisions I was forcing him to make, all because of me, were things that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It was true, I felt guilty. After all, I had wished this upon him, this was what I wanted, right?

At this realisation, I felt tears sting at my eyes, and I faced away from Hyungwon to hide them. I didn't want him to see this. After collecting myself quickly, I faced him again, this time leaning closer, and sliding my hand over his. His eyes fluttered open, and he opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, then closed it. I spoke instead.

"Hyungwon... I've acted like such an ass. I'm sorry to put you through this, I know it isn't fair, but I couldn't..." I stopped myself and took a breath.

"I would do anything to have you. I really like you, in a way that I've never liked anyone before. And I don't want to let you go. I couldn't-"

He silenced me by pressing his lips against mine.

//SO THAT TOOK TOO LONG its kinda sloppy, especially at the start, I'm sorry for that^ I wasnt really in the mood but I did it anyway XD I hope you are enjoying this so far <3//