cute

• forty-one •

A cool breeze brushed against the two boys, accompanied with the warmth of the still-rising sun. The sky was an array of soft oranges, light blues and hints of dusty pink. Clouds delicately hung in the sky, bunched up together. In the far distance there was the faint scene of a flock of birds flying over the city, silhouettes outlined by the sun.

"Pretty," Jimin whispered to himself, around a mouthful of scrambled eggs. He was sat on one of the two seats of the balcony, his legs pulled up to his chest and chin resting on his knees. A soft blue blanket was loosely thrown over his shoulders to keep him warm from the breeze that was tossing his hair around.

Yoongi heard the gentle whisper and turned his head to look at Jimin, a warmth that was beginning to become familiar coming to his heart. There was just something about Jimin, not just in this golden lighting with that wonderous expression over his features, but all the time. There was just something so damn pretty about Park Jimin. Not just his adorable face and cute body that could sometimes be quite alluring, but his loving personality too.

"Papa?" Jimin cut Yoongi out of his thoughts.

"Sorry," Yoongi shook his head and softly smiled at the boy, "yeah?"

"Are we boyfriends now?"

Yoongi looked back to the scene before them, squinting his eyes as the sun started to rise more, "well . . . do you want to be?"

Jimin fiddled with his fingers in his lap, "yes."

He said it so quietly that Yoongi hadn't even realised he answered. The man looked to Jimin expectantly, awaiting an answer with his brow slightly raised.

"Do you . . . love me Papa?"

The breeze stopped. The birds disappeared and the sun paused. The city fell silent. That was what it felt like to Yoongi to hear that question, to think about his answer to it. Love. He didn't like that word too much. He could kiss Jimin like he was dedicated, but to tell him felt like something entirely different. It felt daunting and stirred this slight nausea in the pit of his stomach. His parents used to say that to each other all the time, and look where they'd wound up - holding toxic grudges against each other after years of relentless fighting that inevitably resulted in a divorce. Yoongi knew not everyone was like his parents, but that thought couldn't help the fear that had settled itself deep in his heart for years now. He didn't ever want to go through something like that, so his resolve had been to simply avoid relationships.

That plan had worked out until Jimin moved in. It had worked until that boy flashed Yoongi that pretty little smile and called him 'Papa' for the first time. Jimin was the very thing Yoongi had been trying to avoid and yet here the boy was, wanting to get closer, wanting more. Like a moth drawn to a flame that didn't want to harm him, just wanted to make him warm.

The silence from Yoongi felt like a stab to Jimin's heart. He knew he couldn't expect an 'I love you' after only their first date together, but they'd know each for so much longer than that. They'd been friends for years, they hadn't been strangers on a date last night. Hell, they'd even slept in the same bed, kissed a few times already. Was love really far?

Apparently, because clearly Yoongi had nothing to say.

Picking up his now empty plate, Jimin stood up.

"I've got some work I need to get done," Jimin mumbled, his tone and now rather dull looking eyes giving away that he was out of little space.

"What happened?" Yoongi asked, the question coming out before the man could even think.

Tears stung at the backs of Jimin's eyes, "don't worry about it."

The boy made his way inside, put his dishes away and started making his way to his bedroom.

"Jimin-"

"I said don't worry about it," Jimin cut the man off, "I'm sorry that I asked, really."

Yoongi was too determined to resolve things to be left speechless at this sudden change of mood and rather snappy tone, "Jimin please, I'm sorry I just . . . need some time."

Jimin sighed and stopped in his tracks, standing with his back facing Yoongi for a minute before he turned to face the man with glossy eyes, "we've known each other for years. How much more time do you need?"

"But we were just friends then," Yoongi defended, taking a step towards the boy but stopping when he noticed Jimin slightly move back, "this is different. This is romantic and I'm just . . . not used to it."

Jimin said nothing and disappeared into his room. Yoongi ran his fingers through his hair, slightly pulling the strands before he dropped his hands down on the kitchen counter with a harsh string of curses. This was the last thing he wanted to happen. Especially not when it was going so well.

. . . it was, wasn't it? Going so well, that is. Things felt so perfect between them. It was undeniable that Jimin had made Yoongi a better man, hell he even seemed to help with his weird writer's block. And Yoongi had made Jimin happier, feel a little less lonely.

The boy came back into the room, a bag slung over his shoulder. He was wiping at his eyes, trying to stop the tears that just kept coming.

"Wait, just-"

Yoongi was once again cut off.

"I can't be with someone who doubts that they want to love me."

Things fell silent between them once again as those words sunk in. Yoongi was left speechless this time. What could he say? He couldn't try and defend himself when that statement was so damn true.

A feeling of selfishness came to the man. How could he make Jimin keep waiting when the boy had already been doing so for so long now? Jimin and he were different. Jimin only kissed people he loved and Yoongi didn't, and as long as whatever it is that's going on between them continues, then Yoongi's just leading Jimin on because he's not ready to admit that sometimes things can work out perfectly. It was one thing to tell someone you liked them, but another to say you loved them.

"Maybe we shouldn't-"

Now or never 

"I love you Jimin . . . I love you."