The Two Of Us (will be continued)

Chapter 10: There I Go Again

It was like...........

..............................

Goodness, where to begin on describing it?

It was like being thrust away from planet earth to the next planet over, a vast place, in just a fraction of a second.
It was a lonely place.
But not the kind of lonely that's, well, lonely.
The good kind of lonely. The lonely where you want to be alone.
That planet was the place where he could have that.
But this planet could be very much like a person at times. It would keep switching moods.
In the warm darkness of night, such as now, it was at peace.
That peace would still be there in the early morning.
But then when things got hectic or just plain annoying with everyone running around and talking back and forth, the planet got just a bit irritated.
But more than that, lonely. And this time the bad kind.
He said to Marshall just a few nights ago, when he had found the pup near the balcony, staring out at the rain, that he never wanted him to leave him. And he remembered thinking to himself that he had always...been waiting.
Waiting for Marshall.
It was just something that was always there. And as time passed it seemed to be more apparent that it indeed was there. The longing for Marshall to focus on him and him only.
The longing for Marshall to declare, "I'm yours."
And technically, Marshall already was his. After all, Ryder was his owner.
But yet, all this time, he had still felt incomplete and he felt it so deeply when he would see the pup going off with everybody else, looking happy and complete all while Ryder stood and watched, incomplete.
It had gotten to the point where he couldn't brush it off anymore. Just seeing Marshall even hug anyone else bothered him.
It made him feel just a bit guilty. Too possessive of this pup, he was. There was no doubt whatsoever.
But at the same time, he just couldn't help it. Marshall was most certainly his. Whether Marshall himself liked it or not.
Ryder sighed. "There I go again. Restraining him." He thought.
Ryder had always, ALWAYS put all of his puppies' happiness before his own. They were his treasure and life.
But all this "Marshall belongs to me and me only" business in his head was making him wonder if all this time, when he thought he had been putting their happiness above his own, he had actually been thinking more about his own happiness.
It wasn't fair, he knew. Marshall had every right to go with whomever he pleased and he could do what he wanted.
But even so, Ryder still found himself trying to capture the dalmation and keep him there in his hold, because he oh-so-terribly needed him.
He had found that the matter was like the musical in the sense where he still couldn't do anything about it. So as Marshall would go and hang with just about everybody else it seemed, Ryder would stand and wait. Wait for his puppy to come home, in his arms.
Figures. Because it had been similar with Chad Marshall.
Little Ryder always waited for his big cousin to come home after a day of firefighting and other emergencies. And that one day, "I'll be right back," that had sent Ryder going down a spiral.
Sometimes he wondered if he was a little mad at Chad Marshall for breaking his promise, even though it wasn't the firefighter's fault at all.
So sometimes he wondered if he was getting just a bit too frustrated with Marshall, feeling as though the pup didn't notice him enough.
Darn it, all he wanted was Marshall to pay attention to him. And that want was getting stronger.
Of course it was, he thought. When you're in love with someone, you crave their attention excessively.
Yes, that was it: love was indeed like being thrust away from planet earth to the next planet over.
The planet, being covered in that soft, comforting darkness, was the center of his mind and entire soul. It was a theater: A large screen with memories of Marshall, the pup's smile and voice, playing and replaying in front of Ryder. Over and over, day and night, it was magical and it was torture.
And what would this whole ordeal be without the irony? He and Chad Marshall were all set to go to the movies when he got that life-changing call to go help put out that stupid, stupid, STUPID Cambridge fire. Not only that, little Ryder had always made up stories and whatnot about outer space.
And now he felt like outerspace was here. In this mindset of a planet he called love.
He still couldn't believe it. He, Ryder, was in love. And with one of his own PUPS at that! No, forget about the prior unlikeliness of him ever falling in love in the first place. To think that it would end up occurring with one his own puppies that he was supposed to be like an older brother to.
The realization had only been in his head for only a few hours and already it had made him blush numerous times, while also making him feel extraordinarily panicked.
"I'm in love." He'd think to himself, feeling once again like he'd faint. This time from joy and excitement, rather than the initial shock.
However, the thought of being in love brought him just as more worry than it did joy.
What in the absolute HECK would Marshall think of him if he found out? Would he understand or not? What if it tore their friendship apart?! Ryder couldn't bear that.
He already lost his cousin. He couldn't lose Marshall.
And that's when he remembered what Marshall had said in the morning a few days ago, looking concerned for the boy:
"Where did you get these ideas about losing me? You know that's never gonna happen."
"....I know. I'm just crazy I guess."
"We all are. But it's ok."
Ryder hung onto that part for a moment. "We all are." It was obviously true. They all indeed WERE crazy. But..how crazy? Were they TOO crazy?
Did this somehow mean that Somnambulism was after everyone else just as much as it was after Ryder and Marshall?
Darn that Somnambulism. Up to its no good.
Wait a sec, he did it again. Ryder acknowledged its presence.
And even Marshall had said that night, "You speak of it as though it were alive."
What if it WAS alive? Alive within THEM? Alive underneath this skin and veins? The thought made that very skin crawl.
"I'm crazy." Ryder thought with a long sigh. "I'm in love, and I'm crazy, and I'm in love and I'm crazy. I'm crazy because I'm in love and I'm in love because I'm crazy!"
Ryder stared up at the ceiling, wondering why for just about everything. EVERYTHING. Because he still needed to know what exactly life was. So he wondered, why. Why? WHY?
Why the sky was blue.
Why Mayor Humdinger was such a jerk.
Why 2 + 2 equaled 4.
Why they had chicken for dinner instead of pizza.
Why outerspace was outerspace to begin with.
Why rainbows only showed up AFTER rain, and weren't there all day.
Why Chad Marshall had to DIE, for crying out loud.
Why it was always an adventure in Adventure Bay.
And why Marshall was so wonderfully, imperfectly perfect, darn him!
He cuddled the sleeping dalmation next to him in bed a little closer, all the while feeling as though he was clinging on for dear life. Because Marshall and the other pups were his life, and they were probably the only ones who could give him life.
Ryder glanced over at the alarm clock. 2:17 A.M. He couldn't sleep. Not just because Somnambulism was pestering them but mainly because all these things were cluttering his mind with all these mixed feelings. Marshall probably would've been stuck awake too, if it weren't for the power of that vaccine from the vet's office that soothed him to sleep.
Though feeling tremendously stressed, Ryder couldn't help but smile as he admired Marshall. That pup was just so, SO cute whether awake or asleep. He grabbed his Pup-pad and snapped a photo. The flash must've woken the poor thing up. Not the superhero, of course. The camera flash.
Marshall's eyes fluttered open in an instant. He was visibly sleepy.
"I'm sorry, pal. I didn't mean to wake you. It's just..." Ryder blushed. "You looked so cute and I wanted to take take a picture, and-"
Marshall yawned. "That's alright, Ryder."
Ryder gently pet him. "Did you sleep ok?"
"Sure. Did you?" Asked Marshall with another yawn.
"Well..I haven't been able to sleep, exactly."
"Why?"
"Oh, you know, just thinking about..stuff."
Marshall could see the sadness in Ryder's eyes. It was like Ryder couldn't even face him cause he was ashamed about something.
Marshall whined a little.
"What's wrong, pal?"
"I should ask you the same question."
"......"
"Ryder?"
"It's just....(sigh)It's nothing."
"Nothing?" Said Marshall in a tone that indicated he knew the kid was lying.
"Well, ok, something. But...it's just...."
Marshall waited for a response.
"Well..it's Chad Marshall. I miss him." Ryder lied. Though technically, he was sort of telling the truth. He DID miss his cousin. Who wouldn't?
"I think of him a lot. Especially this time of year."
Marshall nodded, understanding. "I see. Ryder, that must be so hard on you." Said the pup, nuzzling into his owner's neck to comfort him.
Ryder blushed and smiled, trying to hide it. He was already sweating.
"I know how much he meant to you and Chase. Mostly you. Chad was your cousin and like a big brother."
"He certainly was."
"But he died doing what he loved. He helped save so many people. He inspired you and I'll bet you inspired him. I know whatever I say can't fix all that but I want you to at least know that when these things happen..they happen for a reason. And just think of how happy he is now. He's free."
Now Ryder was trying not to cry. A few tears slipped from his eyes and Marshall licked them away.
"Somehow you have a way of making me see things in a brighter way. If I had never known you, I would be stuck thinking this world is the worst kind of place. But it isn't because even with all the bad things that may be going on, there's just as many good things that we just need to open our eyes to. You opened mine a long time ago. And you still do."
Marshall smiled and blushed himself, though it couldn't be seen in the darkness. "It's all in a day's work. I'm here for you. All of us are. Never be afraid to talk about it."
"Alright, pup. You know I can always count on you and you can always count on me." Said Ryder with a smile.
"Um, Ryder, while we're on the subject of..stuff, I've been meaning to ask you something."
"You can ask me anything, pup."
"I wanted to ask, are you feeling ok? It seems in some ways you haven't exactly been yourself lately."
Ryder's smile faded and was replaced with more worry. "In what kind of ways, pal?"
"Well..you know..uh, the mirror. Backstage. I heard about-"
"Ohhh."
"Yeah."
Ryder gave the puppy a look of reassurance. "I know you all probably saw the small argument."
"What was it about?"
Ryder froze a bit. He had to come up with a lie. Fast.
"Um, well, the truth is..I don't really know." Said the boy with a chuckle. "It was one of those arguments were two people are so stressed and whatever that they don't really know what it is they're fighting about. I guess we just we just got annoyed with each other in the heat of the moment. We were probably also just tired. But not to worry, Marshy. Rubble and I are fine. Like I said, we just got annoyed with each other. It was nothing big. And at the end of the day, we're all family. We all love each other and no fight is gonna get in the way of that."
Marshall smiled and Ryder was relieved. "Good. I don't like to see my friends mad at each other."
Little did that poor pup and his owner know that the fighting was only beginning.
And it was not an uncommon fight.
The fight would be over the same thing: Marshall.
Just like it had always been.
"Let me sing you a song." Said Ryder.
Marshall smiled. "Ok."
With that, Ryder dug out his guitar from under the bed and sat down beside Marshall as the pup lay there, looking up at him.
"Which one would you like to hear?"
" 'The Grand Old Duke of York.' " Answered Marshall.
"Huh?" Ryder gave the dalmation a quizzical expression. Marshall just laughed, like a kid who just finished coloring on the walls.
Ryder groaned. "Oh, alright. As you wish."
Marshall giggled and smirked.
Ryder sighed, dreading this. "🎵Oh the Grand Old Duke of York,
He had ten-thousand men,
He marched them up to the top of the hill...,🎵"
Marshall laughed in amusement as Ryder continued to sing in embarrassment.
"🎵And when we are up, we are up,
And when we are down, we are down...,🎵"
Once the song was over, Marshall clapped. "Again! Again!"
"Ok, pup. If it's what you want."
"Actually, no. I want you to sing something different."
"Um, ok. I know a great one." Said Ryder, starting to blush.
"Let's hear it."
Ryder began to strum his guitar and Marshall recognised the tune. It was an old but popular one.
Ryder picked it because it was the only way he could tell Marshall his feelings without, well, telling Marshall his feelings.
"🎵Wise men say,
Only fools rush in,
But I can't help, falling in love with you🎵
🎵Shall I stay,
Would it be a sin,
If I can't help, falling in love with you🎵
🎵Like a river flows,
Surely to the sea,
Darling, so it goes,
Some things, are meant to be,
Take my hand,
Take my whole life too,
For I can't help, falling in love with you🎵
🎵Like a river flows,
Surely to the sea,
Darling, so it goes,
Some things, are meant to be,
Take my hand,
Take my whole life too,
For I can't help, falling in love with you🎵
🎵For I can't help, falling in love with you🎵"
Ryder wrapped up the song as sweetly and softly as he could, and it warmed his heart to see Marshall look delighted.
"That was wonderful, Ryder."
Ryder was flustered. "Aw, well, you know, I-he he, uh,"
"Can you sing it again?"
Ryder felt his heart skip a beat. "I can sing it as many times as you would like me to, Marshall." He said, dreamily.
"Ok."
Ryder was still in a daze.
".....Uh, aren't you gonna..?"
"OH. Right." Ryder cleared his throat before singing the song one more time.