The Storus Of Plant Person And Goth Girl

So I'm Getting Into Some Deep Stuff, Plant Person

So just a little warning, this chapter is pretty much all about death. Ace, its not what you think, I am still in an ok head space I just need to clear my mind a bit. Writing is very therapeutic especially to me so this is how I am going to talk about the things I need to say.

This story is going to start when I was about seven or eight I believe, when I think I finally started to grasp at what death really was. I was at my step grandparents house and if I remember correctly there was a news segment about a murder. I think this is what started it, realizing that death is a final destination, no forwards no back; you're simply done. I remember turning to my grandma and asking what happens after you die, where do you go and what do you do. My grandma was of course a christian so she gave the standard "you go to heaven and be with Jesus". That calmed my spirits for a little while and I didn't really think about it anymore until about a few years later. We pick up in sixth grade, I had a brief period where I got way back into Christianity but then once again out grew it. I became an atheist, and for a while it was ok.  Then seventh grade happened, seventh grade was when I really started getting out of Christianity and it was kind of just when I started discovering my identity. I started looking into different things such as green witchcraft, Wicca and Levayan Satanism; all things I am still learning more about and looking into. This is sort of when I started thinking about death more often.

At first I was scared, scared of darkness, or not seeing or hearing or feeling, scared of being forgotten, scared of not living. I tried to ignore the fear, but I thought about death to much to just ignore it. I tried to accept it, I still am accepting it. Every so often I'll freak out knowing that one day my life will end, everyone lives close to me will end. I'm not exactly scared anymore, now I'm just trying to make peace with it. Sometimes I still get scared, sometimes I still want to believe in an afterlife just because it means that I don't have to end. I realize though that one day I may get fully into Wicca or something of the sort where I can find solace in some sort of afterlife or I may just get into Levayan Satatnism and have to come to terms with my own demise. I think what I need to focus on first though is realizing that I am alive right now, right now my body is working to keep me alive and I am thankful for that. Right now I can't let a fear of the unknown stop me, I can't afford to waste my life like that. I'm not scared anymore, coming to terms yes, scared no. 

That's all and I feel like there is less of a wait on my chest now. Now that this is done I am going to go make myself a veggie burger seeing as how I haven't eaten a meal today. That'll be all for tonight, remember, STAY HYDRATED AND BE GOOD.