Forgotten Conscience (girlxgirl) (Book 1)

Sleepless in Slayattle

Faith's POV

She lied to her friends. I still can't get over it. I'm lying here on the floor and I'm still not really sure how I feel about it. I've been lying here for hours, my eyes closed, trying to decide how I feel about what she did.

I turn and lie on my side.

They've done so much together... saved the world at least more times than I probably have. They are such good friends and I've done nothing but cause them pain and anguish. Why would she lie to protect me? If anything, telling them the truth would only help us in the long run. She heard what I heard in that meeting, they need to know the trigger in order to break the spell, and she's the trigger so... wait... is that why she didn't tell them? Because she's the target? They pretty much hate me with a vengeance already, even after my big speech and I still have no idea where the hell that came from. Anyway, one more reason to hate me isn't really gonna make a difference so why didn't she tell them?

I turn over and lie on my other side.

Telling them is the right thing to do and it seems to me that doing the right thing is an important part of being a slayer. So why didn't she tell them? I've been going over it again and again since it happened and the only thing I can come up with is that she's trying to protect me, and the only reason I can think of that she would do that is if she had feelings for me. And I don't feel the same way, at least... I don't think I do.

I squirm between my sheets.

I know I feel something for her, what happened back at that initiative place wouldn't have happened if I didn't feel something.

But how do I know how I really feel about her? I mean I can pretty much guess that with everything I've been told I did, me and Buffy weren't the best of friends. Chances are I hated her. But maybe the reason I hated her was because I was in love with her? Okay so maybe there's a flaw in there somewhere but... don't people over compensate for their feelings by acting like they hate the people they secretly have feelings for? At least I think that's how it works.

What if whatever's going on between Buffy and me is because I used to have feelings for her? And maybe now that I have amnesia, maybe it's coming out without me knowing it. There's no way for me to know for sure. God... maybe I should just ask her. I have no idea how long it's gonna be until I get my memory back and there's no telling what could happen between now and then.

I try and get comfortable as I lie on my back.

This is gonna keep me up all night.

Buffy's POV

STOP thinking about her... You're gonna keep yourself up all night if you keep thinking about her that way. The thought of her in the shower soaping herself up washing every part of her. Stop it. You've got more important things to think about, like what you're doing to make Faith so uncomfortable around you. I have a hard time believing that she was uncomfortable because she wasn't clean. Especially since she was still acting kinda weird after her shower, where she rubbed the soap over her breasts, across her stomach, and between her... STOP IT.

I roll over on my front and take a deep breath. I bury my head in my pillow, trying to stop thinking about her.

You know you'd think if the Powers That Be were gonna send me those dreams to make me fall for Faith they'd at least leave us alone long enough to deal with the potentially life threatening situation they've gotten us into.

Speaking of which, I should really be getting some sleep. Faith has to start her training tomorrow and if I'm not awake and alert... accidents might happen, not to mention one of us might get hurt. Faith is acting totally on instinct when it comes to fighting. I guess what I should try and do is get her to start thinking about what she's doing when she's fighting. Heh...

I roll over on my back and stare at the ceiling.

It's almost ironic. Faith's philosophy has always been slay first and ask questions later. She's always hated my wait, stop, think attitude towards well... everything, and now I'm teaching it to her. I wonder what'll happen when she gets her memory back. Will she go back to the person she was or will spending this time with me help her become a better person?

I hope I can help her.

Okay sleep... I need to get some sleep. Sleep is good. If I don't sleep something will go wrong and the world will come to an end. You know, I gotta be the only person who can say that and it may actually come true. All right sleep... Gotta get some sleep. Sleep... sleep... must sleep... I wonder if Faith is asleep... okay sleep, must sleep.

This is gonna keep me awake all night.