Forgotten Conscience (girlxgirl) (Book 1)

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Faith's POV

"Wait!"

What?

"What's wrong?"

"We, we can't do this."

"Why the hell not? I thought this is what you wanted."

I try and lean onto her but she puts her hand up to stop me.

"I... no I... yes I... I do want you Faith."

I move her hand away and press my body against hers.

"Then what's the problem?"

She pushes me away again.

"We can't do this, not like this."

"Like what? I thought you wanted me."

"I do but, but not now. Not like this."

I move off her.

"Geez B, you tell me you want me and then when I try and give you what you want you don't want to. What gives?"

"Faith you're in pain."

I get up and readjust my clothes, they got a little frazzled.

"That's funny, up until you decided to stop I was feeling really good."

"That's not what I meant. You're hurting... you're grieving over losing the one person you ever believed cared for you."

"Yeah and I was trying to make myself feel better."

"Us making love isn't gonna make things better."

Whoa okay, this is gonna stop RIGHT now.

"Hey, let's get something straight. What just happened had NOTHING to do with love and it never will."

I head over to the fire escape window as Buffy gets up and does up the button on her pants. I sit on the window sill.

"And if you can't give me what I want then I'll go find someone who will."

"Faith, wait!"

Not gonna happen babe.

I lift my leg over the window and slide down the fire escape ladder. I land on the ground and it takes me a second to absorb it through my shocks. I start walking out of the alley. I look up at a noise just in time to see Buffy jumping out the second story window after me.

Damn it, she doesn't give up, does she?

"Stop Faith!"

I turn around to face her.

"You don't give up do you?"

"No I don't, you can't just decide that what just happened wasn't about more than just sex."

"Oh please, could you just try and get over yourself?"

"But I..."

"Did you ever stop and think that maybe the reason I got my memory back when you kissed me was to stop us from making a big mistake?"

"What? I... no I... what do you mean?"

"Oh come on, you make the stupid mistake of kissing me cause you decide you're in love with me so the boys upstairs let me remember how much I hate you so it doesn't get any worse."

"I... no... it's not like that. We're, it's more than that."

"Get it through your thick skull, we're not in love and we never will be."

"I can't believe that you didn't feel something."

"Hey, just because I don't like you doesn't mean I won't fuck you. Ask Xander, he knows it first hand."

"I know you felt something because I felt it too."

"Don't tell me how I feel, B."

"Fine then, but like it or not it takes two to kiss and whether you admit it or not you were kissing me back."

"Now you're telling me what I do? Lame B."

"Lame or not I don't care. Just admit that you felt something."

"Why?"

"Because..."

"Because why?"

Weren't ready for that were you?

"Because..."

She grabs me and kisses me hard.

It's hot and it's passionate and it makes my toes curl and I do feel something.

She breaks the kiss and looks me in the eyes.

"You can't tell me you didn't feel anything there."

I did.

"So what if I did? Hun?"

Just because I felt horny when she kissed me doesn't make it any more than that.

"If we feel something for each other then we have to find out how far it goes."

"It doesn't go anywhere B. You make me horny. It doesn't make you any different than just about anyone else I've ever met."

"I don't believe that, there's something between us and I think I know what it is."

"Don't kid yourself babe."

She better not say what I think she's gonna say.

"Faith, don't you understand, I think I love you."

I get right up in her face.

"If you ever, EVER say anything like that EVER again, I'll kill you."

I look her straight in her eyes as her tears start to come. The horrible anger burning inside me gets a little less, making me take a few steps back.

"Faith I... I'm sorry I... I didn't mean to..."

"Yeah well, you did. Now would you GO AWAY?"

"Faith I... NO! I won't leave you alone. Whether you care about me or not, I care about you..."

"Yeah, so you keep saying."

"And I'm not just gonna let you walk out of my life."

I get up close to her and she wipes the tears out of her eyes.

"You really believe you could stop me?"

She tries to put on a brave face but I can see she doesn't have the heart.

"I've done it before."

"Well, let's go at it then."

I take a step back and punch her in the face, knocking her on her ass.