why.

The Begining And The End

My mom is anxious.
My dad is an insomniac.
My brother is self destructive.
So what am I?
A person who has a wonderful life, parents who love her, a house to live in, food to eat, and many other things that I take for granted?
So why do I feel like the worst person alive?
Because I have no obvious flaws, or because I'm so arrogant and mean, and careless?
I honestly don't know.
I have everything that everyone in the world would die to have.
Yet I am still ungrateful and feel as though I should deserve more.
I am greedy.
I am gluttonous.
I am envious.
I am hypocritical.
Why?
I grew (and am still growing) in a society that seems perfect.
It has basically everything that everybody needs and wants and more.
I am selfish.
I take things I don't need from other people who want/need them.
I hold grudges against people who have wronged me but have changed.
Am I the worst person in the world, or is that just me being obnoxious and self obsessed?
I hate my body, and everything about my mind.
I hate that I'm so self aware, and that I think/know everything going on.
I feel like if I waltzed through life, thinking everything was alright, (even though it's not) I would be better off.
Or would I?

My mom complains about pain in her feet and back and everywhere else you can think of, everyday. And yet she keeps going to her job.
My dad complains about his job, and insomnia daily. And he keeps going to work and attempting to sleep.
All for me. (Or am I just being more self obsessed?)
I ignore my parents everyday, I eat their food, sleep in their bed, and use their electronics, without a single thought.
I am selfish and ungrateful, and will probably continue to be this way until I die.
Because, as far as I'm concerned, I can never change.
I have tried, and tried lots of things to change, but I never commit.
I've always been bad at committing.
To studying, to getting rid of my gluttony, to even just attempting to be a better person.
But I always give up.
So I guess, the main point of this is to explain to you and to me, that what I am, is a
Quitter.

But.
The meaning of life is happiness.
So, you won't be very happy if you dwell on the things terrible and wrong about life, will you?
So, just go out there. Be happy. Live your life.
Because in the end, thats the only thing that matters, happiness.