I Promise

27

 I bus home with Matt and get off first. It's not too late at night, and I wonder if my mom is at home. I hope she is, because either she's at home or out with possibly another guy. And I sure as hell am not ready to meet another Graham. While Graham had no clue my mom was married and in the process of divorce because of him and my mom, the next guy won't be the reason my mom is getting a divorce. He'll just be her boyfriend or whatever. The thought makes me cringe both inside and outside.

I walk inside, surprised to see my mom sitting in the living room, sipping some coffee. She looks up as I walk in.

I just stand there looking at her, because I don't really know what to say. There really isn't anything I can say that's going to sound nice, so I just clamp my mouth shut.

My mother sighs and rests her coffee mug on the coffee table. I wonder why it's called a coffee table. I mean, why not a tea table? I'm about to explore the difference between a coffee or tea table when I let the thoughts escape my mind. Last time I saw my mom with Graham, I started talking about pigs. This time, I was not about to shout something regarding coffee and tea tables. She'd just look as confused as she did the last time. Sometimes, I marvel at how my mind works in situations that I don't want to be in, or when I'm nervous.

My mom puts her hands behind her neck, and sighs as she looks at me.

"So, who's that guy you've been hanging out with?" she finally asks, breaking the ice. She didn't really break the ice because if anything I freeze in place, and I almost gawk at her. How the hell did she know about Matt and I?

"How," I begin, but she waves a hand in the air.

"I was a teenager once too you know," she says.

I give her a glance that makes her realize I'm not buying it one bit.

She sighs. "I saw him drop you off from my window this weekend. He's a gentleman, ain't he? He walked all the way around to open the door for you," she says, giving me a small smile.

I am still frozen. One, because she totally saw me and Matt hugging each other goodbye and him opening the door for me. Two, she was secretly watching from her bedroom window, and three, she actually came home that night before me. I was certain that she was gone well into the morning, probably spending the night at Graham's.

I finally manage to move my limbs a bit and my face relaxes from its stone cold position.

"I guess he is," I reply. I leave and I don't smile back.

It's not like my mother really cares for me. I mean, deep down she obviously would be upset if I got hurt or something, but she cares more about her life really. Maybe she cares more about the twins and Peyton, but she acted downright selfish with Graham and by not telling anyone the truth until Peyton literally screamed it out. Not to mention, she did kind of manage to break my family apart. So I guess on my list that makes her not really care for me at all. And the fact that she's trying to already mend our relationship makes me skeptical. We can't just go back to pretending like everything is okay. It won't be, and we have to live with that.

While my life is playing out as a cliché fairytale on one hand, the other life I live just seems to be getting more confusing and hurtful.

I wake up the next day because the sun is in my eyes, blinding the shit out of me. Peyton loves to open the blinds, but I don't have school today because of some sort of teacher strike and while she and the twins are gone, I'm left feeling like a vampire, groaning at the bright light and trudging out of bed to shut the blinds.

But I don't shut them. I open the window instead, letting a warm breeze in. Maybe I'm catching onto Peyton's love of open blinds. It lights everything up.