Emin Lan Yixiu

1.

When I woke the sense of mourning was already palpable, today was the day my parents had died. My maids entered my room with sorrow and red eyes my guess was confirmed. 'It seems that master and Miss Yixiu have passed away' I didn't utter a word despite it being the second time the pain of losing them again was gut wrenching and it made breathing alone a struggle. But I steeled my voice because letting myself get swept away by my emotions would only result in my death. 'please prepare my clothes and leave them on my bed, I shall dress myself later, and please inform everyone not to enter fathers and mothers quarters' I whispered. 

I went through my mother's clothes and jewels as I had been left without a single possession of her's and on the loneliest nights I would cry wishing I had something of hers to remember her with. I kept rummaging through drawers and each item of hers invoked memories that brought with them an onslaught of tears until i found my mothers gold dianhua etched with pink rubies and carved onto it was a rose, my father's favourite, it had also been my mothers joy to wear it whenever spring would return . I clasped it in my hands gingerly as I made my way towards my father's quarters i knew what to take, books several in fact especially the ones my father would read to me as a child. As I turned the pages of dearest childhood book a note slipped out from it reading 

"if you are reading this i am most likely a dead man already and if not Yixiu Emin go back to your room right now, i knew you would be tampering in my room looking for books. I swear what am I to do with a girl like you.'' my vision blurred as tears started to stream from my eyes "But if my death has really come, Emin i must tell you to not leave with any of my brothers no matter what they try to lure you with, rather ask to live with your mother's father or if he isn't there leave with my youngest brother if he is present. Emin leave my business to the hands of my youngest brother until you are of age and always remember you are bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh you may not have grown under my heart but you grew in it.'' my smile quivered as I pressed my head onto the book a new found resolve forming in me, I would live not only for myself but my parents. But as I turned around, I was met by an unfamiliar face.

''Who are you, and how dare you enter my fathers chambers when everyone has been informed not to visit them", but he didn't seem to care which left me seething but before another word could leave my mouth he spoke.

'Even if i am your youngest uncle you should still have the decency to treat me with respect'

My eyes widened 'third uncle this niece meant no harm, I was just surprised to see an unfamiliar face' he seemed to have taken that as a jab because he visibly flinched. As he left, I realised I should have gone to meet him or at least my grandfather when my parents went to visit them. But to the naive younger me a journey to the mountains was tiring and because my 4th uncle was disregarded due to not being part of the family business and choosing to become.... I didn't even know what he did as a job, but it had to be something on a high level as I often heard my 3rd and 2nd uncles complain about him or talk about how he "is over his head because of his rank" due to moving and living in the capital. I continued to take books of my fathers that were dear to me as well as books about merchantry i placed them along with my mothers dian in a wooden box and left them in a corner of my room. Father, mother I will definitely do better with this second chance 

'Please arrange my hair and I don't wish to wear any pins or daian'. My maid behind me nodded silently as she arranged my hair in a simple braid. This was it, I would have to make a decision that would alter my life. I stepped into the courtyard the eyes of everyone were filled with pity or greed but I continued walking forward, at the end of their graves I kneeled and prayed, fresh tears seemed to seep out of my eyes, I willed them to stop I couldn't let them think I was weak but my efforts were futile as I let out a choked sob what I hated the most was the pitying whispers of the men and women around me.

'Emin don't cry this uncle will take care of you as though you are my own' despite his heartwarming words my 3rd uncle wasn't a man to put his brothers children above his own. 

'Emin dear this must be so hard for you but you must choose one of us to help you.' spoke my first aunt

'As the second uncle it's best if you go with me, i am the eldest brother and I will make sure the business and you prosper' these were the words that had me thinking they cared for me but now that my eyes had been cleared I understood this was just a game to them.

I wish to hand the business to 4th uncle' the bodies around me seize as they tried to comprehend what I had just said 

'You can't Emin you're just a child you wouldn't even understand, grandfather-' my 2nd uncle tried in desperation only to be silenced by my grandfather, even though he was from my mother's side after my father's father passed away big business issues and deals would directly involve him due to his superior knowledge of trade especially as a lord of the Lin province which was undoubtedly prosperous.

'How can you act so selfishly when your own brother has passed' this was my first time seeing such an angered expression from grandfather Rou. 

'We meant no disrespect but her actions may cause the business to come to a standstill or-' my first aunt was cut by a sharp laugh

'I didn't know you thought I was incapable, sister Liu Wai, but in all honesty I believe I can run a business if I can help win wars' 

'Brother Zhanyu i believe it's better for people to work at what they are good at' but 4th uncle Zhanyu just grinned 

'Then I believe this business will never end in your hands, respectfully I have helped this business achieve more than all of you combined.' and before he could be interrupted he spoke again 'though I am honoured by your decision young Emi i don't wish to spend the rest of my life tending to a business' he looked at me sincerely as if this was the first time he had been seen as good enough to inherit the business, but I couldn't let my resolve waver.

'Then when I am of age I will take over the business from you uncle Zhanyu, but I plead to you to look after it in my steed,'  I then turned to grandfather with my eyes cast low 'please take me in grandfather, I will even earn my keep as a servant or a worker' his sigh sent fear coursing up my spine, if he were to reject me, I would have to choose between my 3rd and 2nd uncle as I couldn't keep burdening uncle Zhanyu. 'Please' i groveled 'I can make myself of use'.

'Dear Emi stand up don't dirty your clothes, i shall take you in but think over your decision, this will impact you for the rest of your life' i stood up and looked at him 

'I know grandfather Rou which is why I wish to live with you' my answer seemed to take him by surprise as he smiled fondly. The sun seemed to calm behind the clouds as the day became sereen as gentle breeze cut through the courtyard. As I walked towards my quarters to pack my belongings I could feel the furious stares boring holes into my back. 

'Maid Yan please pack all my mother's belongings and all my fathers books and please leave father's seal on my desk'. That night I sang my mother's songs and walked through the rose garden my father had made for her and rested in their quarters because who knew when I would ever see this place again