Emin Lan Yixiu

6.

Yongzhen and his father were said to arrive by tomorrow and for a reason i knew all too well my body refused to calm down. Almost right after grandfather had told me when their arrival was supposed to be, which was a full moons phase ago. I couldn't write or focus on my studies despite the constant ramblings of my tutors which they seemed to have noticed, they had said they could only turn a blind eye for so long or they would also be the ones to receive punishment. Though I didn't skip classes it didn't make much of a difference so I spent most of my wake hours on archery- at least my aim was improving; enough so that according to Wei I could become part of Lu Xizong's army which was a high praise especially from her mouth, because he wasn't only a general with a rank as great as grandfathers but his army is said to hold men and women as strong as beasts. "Instructor Wei, that praise is too high for me, and we can only fathom what the beasts from his army are meant to be like' I said with a smile though she didn't reciprocate it

'they are no different from me' she spoke evenly enough that I couldn't tell if it was a joke or not

'I don't understand' and to this she smiled

'I was part of his army at one point of my life, but that isn't what I wanted to tell you'. She said with a shake of her head 'call general Rou when you wish, you can hit twice as many marks on a back of a horse so you've left him no choice but to let you spar' I stood rooted at my spot stunned by what she had told me, she really thought I was good enough and to top it off my teacher was part of Lu Xizong's army. I continued to looked at her stunned and she gently patted my back in acknowledgement. 

 By the time I overcame my shock I dismounted from my horse to pull the arrows from the centre of the boards. 'Miss Emin' a maids voice rang out.

'yes?' I replied evenly, I was used to them not bothering me anymore since they knew I was more than likely training or reading.

'Esteemed general Rou has asked for you to return to your quarters as we will help you to become prepared to greet the Nian and his son', I felt like vomiting but I made sure to plaster on a smile as I replied.

'Of course, I'll be in my room in a moment, and please run me a bath' I continued, I did't care to hear her reply as I turned to return my horse and arrows. By the time I returned to my room I realised, I hadn't seen him in a while though i didn't have time to pay any mind to it.

By the time i reached my room, my maids had already filled the tub with water, this time scented heavily with rose and magnolia flowers, this was most likely a ploy to make me seem more presentable infront of our dreaded guests. As i entered the bath my maids came to scrub me and run oils of sweet almond through my hair. 'You've become more muscular' said the head maid 'if you don't stop shooting arrows and playing with a sword your body will be no different from a mans' i was stunned from her words, i had never expected anyone to tell me that my hard work would be something to be looked down upon at least not at my grandfathers home, but i didn't respond rather i kept my silence, as she ruthlessly mocked my ambitions and appearance though they were barely what she made them out to be.
By the time i was robed and fed my head was done in by the constant and persistent nagging from the head maid and the agreement of the other maids.

Though i lay exhausted on my bed sleep wouldn't come to me, and it was too late to spar or practice archery so i did something I did seldom this past month, I wrote. 

and I wrote a lot, I rewrote poetry my mother used to read to me and the stories I used to hear Yongzhen drawl to remind me of his great status and mind, I wrote songs that had become popular a few years before my death and lastly I wrote a letter. They wouldn't be able to read it yet but I knew the day would come soon and I would wait patiently till then. I slept thinking of my parents and though I smiled tears determinedly slipped down my face, but it was alright. I wasn't given a second life just to mull and muse over past misgivings.