Emin Lan Yixiu

5.

I couldn't help but thinking about Feng Lou and how for the first time I had made a friend who I could talk to as an equal, who I could laugh with. I was disrupted from my thoughts as grandfather cleared his throat as he entered my library, 'what seems to have pleased you my dear?' he spoke softly but I knew he was teasing me.

'it's just the blossoms' I lied, while looking out to the bed of peonies. he turned to smile at me before looking towards the vast expanse of blue overhead 'your mother would say the same thing, but I knew she was always thinking of your father when she spoke those words'.

'grandfather, there isn't a single man I have met in this estate, who I look upon in a more favourable manner' I stated in a factual manner, it was much too early for me to dream about anyone favourably, let alone fall in love with someone.

'then it must be quite lonely in this estate, so' he said while turning to me 'I have decided to bring in a tutor'. He grinned his large palms resting on my shoulders, I will never let you become less than you ought to be.'

This took me by surprise, 'what will I be learning?'

'poetry since you are gifted, history, the flute and dance' i looked at him flustered, i hadn't expected this to happen, but since i was given this opportunity i couldn't turn him down, though many of the activities he had included were only bringers of bad memories.

'Thank you esteemed grandfather' i bowed. He smiled as I saw him off to his own quarters which were adorned with blossoming Yulan trees, their heady fragrance softening the mixed emotions I felt from his news.

'Before i forget, Nian Er lou and his son Yongzen will be coming to visit in a few weeks time, he is said to have the mind of one of the highest poets, although I'm sure he couldn't compare to you' he gave a hearty laugh 'but still, make sure to greet him' I nodded in understanding, while doing my best to keep my composure though my mind ran rampant with questions about the business he had with grandfather, and the fact I would have to meet him so soon. I made my way to the archery station to clear my mind from the rush of information I had received.

'Again' i pulled another arrow in a practiced motion before letting it strike the board at the dead center. 'Again' and i repeated my actions dispite the ache in my torso and arms. I reached for another arrow only to realise they were all sticking out of the board. 'You've improved drastically' said Qin Wei with an approving tone. 'Since you've said you know how to ride a horse, we will start from shooting while being mounted next time' i nodded in agreement.

'If you don't mind I'd like to spend the time packing alone' she nodded in compliance leaving me to myself. By the time i made my way back to the weaponry room everyone seemed to have left already. I turned to leave only to come face to face with Feng. I yelped in shock, leading him to laugh at my expense. 'Why are you still here' i asked slightly peeved from his antics,

'Extra practice' he stated nonchalantly

'Again?'

'It's what i have to do if i want to be at par with the rest of them, since they are not only older but bigger than me' he stated. 'Anyway, how is archery'

'It seems like my aim has gotten better, and i can also shoot far enough to stay hidden when attacking.'

He looked towards me quizzically 'why are you even learning this'

'So i can protect myself' I stated calmly.

'you have over ten guards just to protect you and occasionally even Cal and Qin, so your reason doesn't add up' he stated factually.

'even your eyes can turn into a weapon against you if they don't know what they are looking for' he looked at me in confusion as I continued 'and my guards are not only my eyes but also my daggers, may their be a time where they can't discern the enemy that is when I must learn to strike'. he looked at me speechlessly.

'why would anyone want to harm you?' he spoke in a hushed voice

'greed can drive people to do anything' I smiled softly. 'Dusk is befalling I must go before grandfather worries' I said before making my way back to my quarters. 'maid Liana's please start a bath' she complied without hesitation as I pulled out a book to write down all the unnecessary emotions stirring up inside me.

'Lady Emin the bath has been prepared' I looked out from my window to see the days embers slowly fizzle out to night.

'I wish to bathe alone tonight' I spoke my voice coming out like a whisper. As the water enveloped my body and the sound of water was the only sound the resonated in my chamber, the first tear of frustration slipped down my face, I was scared to meet Yongzhen. I was scared to go classes of poetry which surely plague my mind with him, to dance and know once each step I had taken was for him. By the time I left the bath, the water had turned icy and maid had left my dinner near the foot of my bed since I'd seem to have missed it . My eyes felt swollen but at least my heart had found some solace. I clocked myself in a thick robe as I ate while I read the page I had written before bathing, to my surprise its seemed as though I could make up verses on a whim.

that night I slept, but that sleep came to me fitfully.