The Afterlife of a Band Nerd

Crying! In the Club

     September 13, 2018

    Again, I'm sorry for not posting in almost a month. The start of my freshman year has kept me tired and busy, leaving me almost no free time to keep up with my books on Wattpad.
   
   So, our first game was the 31st. I stayed after school with K2SO and stressed myself out from trying to make copies of everyone's missing music and flop folders. I was running around frantically and would only allow one other person in the kitchen with me at a time or else I'd feel too overwhelmed.  Mr. Davis had to remind me to calm down and breathe whenever I talked to him, and Colby Jack even hugged me to get me to calm down.
  
    I was obviously overworking myself that night, but I didn't realize that until like uh....last week. I was so worried about the needs of other people that I didn't take enough time for myself. I didn't have our fight song memorized, so I had to use my flip folder during half time. I had to write down a checklist for myself to remind me what I needed to do for myself before the game. At one point, I stood on a mini step ladder to make an announcement about missing sheet music because I'm so short 😂.
 
    After getting everyone's music copied, I felt a little calmer. By the time pregame rolled around, I was pretty chill. We stood on the track and loosened up when Ride came on the stadium speakers. Then, Africa by Toto came on and we were like "YEAHH BOII!" Even Mr. Davis was jamming to that one. Rosanna came on right after that, and I'm pretty sure the playlist was mocking us at that point because that was our half time show opening song last year.

    Our opponent's band came with the football team. I knew four people in it because they were from the next town over. One of them was CS, who moved at the beginning of this year.

    Everything was pretty good up until about second quarter. Then, I started getting ticked off with a French horn player sitting in front of Jazz and me. He was just....saying stuff that was really triggering me and getting on my nerves. I don't want to get into details.

   Half time rolled around and the opposing team's band played first. They played Twist and Shout and were really good. Better than us, in my opinion.
  
    After them, we marched out. Some of the new eighth graders got their spots mixed up and stood in front of Fluffeh and me when we were supposed to be on the front line. This confusion came from not rehearsing on the field earlier that day. We didn't even have any movements done yet. We just stood in a block.
    After the show, Fluffeh and I met up and headed toward the bathrooms. Then, we got sodas with other band. CS called me over and started bragging about me to some of his band mates. I have a difficulty accepting affection or compliments from people, so it was kind of an awkward exchange.

   So, not sure how many of you guys remember him, but in my last books, I was friends with a boy named Anakin. He was a trombone player that moved halfway through my beginner band year.

   Well, when I was getting a soda, I heard someone call my name. I whipped around to see none other than Anakin. I asked him what he was doing there and apparently he had moved to our opponent's school! We had a nice chat before having to go back to our seats.
 
   My mood kept getting worse as the night progressed. By the time we got to walk back to band hall, I was ranting to my mom about the French horn player. She said she would wait in the car for me while I put my trumpet up. I went back to band hall and angrily put my trumpet in my case and latched it.

   I walked from the kitchen to the instrument room to see one of the guys in my section talking to Mr. Davis. Then, I noticed that the boy's trumpet was in my locker. That really pushed me over the edge, and I kind of yelled at him about it, which I later felt bad about. He started to calmly apologize and I just shook my head, said that it was okay, and walked out of there as quick as I could. He started following me to see what was wrong, but I shook him off. The tears were already coming to my eyes, and I didn't want anyone to see them. I figured that if I got back to the kitchen fast enough, I could grab my back and make it to my mom's van before I broke down.

   Well, my brain had other plans.

   K2SO was in the kitchen and talking his head off while I was covering my face and repeatedly wiping the corner of my eyes. He actually noticed that something was wrong and asked about it, but I brushed him off.

   THANK YOU @Spunkyhorse14 FOR FINDING ME AND ASKING WHAT WAS WRONG.

   Spunky came into the library and asked what was wrong. I finally told her to get Fluffeh, because she's dealt with me in these situations before. She ran and got her, then left us alone in the kitchen as I curled up by the fridge and broke down. I think all of the stress had gotten to me. I also felt really bad for yelling at the trumpet player because he didn't yell back, he just responded nicely. He could've totally yelled back! But he didn't.

   What was kind of embarrassing was Mr. Davis actually came into the kitchen to get a broom while all of this was going on. He hasn't said anything since, though, which I am extremely grateful for. He just gave me a really big smile when I saw him the next school day with a reassuring look in his eyes.

   To top off the bad feelings I had about myself, Anakin was waiting for me in band hall to get my Instagram the whole time, which was a good fifteen to twenty minutes.

   I never told my parents about breaking down. They probably wouldn't understand my stress and need for perfectionism.

   I cried two other times since then (it's been three weeks). I'm pretty sure that's the most often I've cried lately. I'm usually not a crier. I'm pretty sure I've went a year without crying before.

   Okay, on to happier subjects. Mr. Davis got the people with rental trombones and trumpets new mouthpieces! I moved from a 5C to a 3C, and I can play high notes a lot better, clearer, and easier! Now I can hit the high part of Carry On Wayward Son.

   Speaking of Carry On Wayward Son,  Mr Davis decided to add a solo into it and let us audition. The auditions were Tuesday. A tuba player and I tried out. I did pretty well, and I wasn't nervous up until mr davis made us walk out to the sideline of the marching field. Then anxiety was like HAHA HERE YA GO! I was shaking after I played lol.

   Well, Mr. Davis announced which the soloist would be at the end of band today, and.....

I GOT THE PART!!!!! WOO!!! NOW ILL HAVE EVEN MORE ANXIETY FOR HALF TIME SHOWS BUT I DONT CARE! I WANTED THAT DARN SOLO!

   Well, our next game is tomorrow. We're not adding Carry on Wayward Son to our half time show yet, but we will soon. Mr. Davis said he's going to have me march away from everyone else to play the solo in the show. Fun.

   Again, I'm sorry for not posting in a while. School has kept me busy.

   Until next time!

    Rey