Someone guilt me into doing bad things. The friends with benefits I talked about a few months ago.
I had told him I didn't want to do anything below the belt on either of us. He kept going on about how he had been depressed and doing that stuff made him feel better and all that. We started doing stuff and he kept slipping his fingers under my shorts even though I kept telling him no and to stop. He kept saying he was just joking but he kept doing it over and over. I told him to stop I don't want to do anything sexual because it makes me physically sick but he kept pressing me to do stuff. At one point, he tried unbuttoning my shorts and I smacked him and said no and he continued to press me to. After everything, I felt used and like I have no voice. With him, I feel like I never do. We seem to always do things he wants to do even though I say I don't want to do them.
I feel like I don't have a say and that my voice is powerless against him. I feel small and used and just powerless. For fucks sake, the kid is younger than me and he has that effect because he's taller than me and he can overpower me easily. Why can't I just scream at him that he's made me hate my body and myself? Why can't I tell him that he's the reason I've cried myself to sleep before? Why can't I tell him that I rarely sleep anymore because I'm afraid of my dreams because he haunts them?
I just don't know
