Silhouette of the Past

Chapter 6

I gasped for air upon walking out of Mactan International Airport. Parang nahihirapan akong huminga sa bawat hakbang na ginagawa ko. Tila napapaso ang balat ko kahit di naman mainit. Maulan pa nga ang panahon and the sound of rain should relax me but it made me have anxiety attacks instead.

Bitbit ang nag-iisang maleta, pumara ako ng taxi. I did not bother telling my father or anyone na uuwi ako. He might think its because of his situation. Umuwi ako dahil ikakasal na ang bestfriend ko. This is her request, so who am I to say no diba?

Besides, I can manage myself. I've been living by myself for 6 years so I know I can manage.

"Radisson Blu, kuya." sabi ko sa driver pagkasakay ko ng taxi. Hinilot ko ang sentido gamit ang aking kamay. Maybe I'll stay at a hotel for a couple of days, di rin naman ako magtatagal dito eh. I found myself playing games using my phone but a few minutes later, naiinis ko itong isinilid sa hand bag ko.

No matter how hard I try to pacify myself doing other things to occupy my mind, its still not working. Bakit ba kasi ako nauto ni Chastity na umuwi?

Gee, nobody's forcing you to come and now you're complaining. Sita naman ng maldita kong subconcious. I sighed heavily to vent out my frustration.

"Ma'am, magpapa-gas po muna tayo ah." paalam nang driver nang nasa may Mandaue City na kami banda. Di nalang ako umimik. I opted out to look outside instead. Baka malibang ako sa mga tanawin.

May convenience store sa gilid ng gas station. May nag-iinuman, obviously. Typical of Cebu. And besides, gabi na naman at weekend pa. Meron ding naglalampungan, but who am I to judge? During my rebellious years before, I was doing worse. I grumbled in disgust remembering those times. Nostalgic, yes.

Dati ilag ako sa ganung mga bagay. It's not my kind of environment. Pinalaki ako nang  isang Emanuel Lopez na bahay-eskwela lang ang routine nung nasa poder nya pa ako. Sa bahay naman, kung wala akong tutor dahil pinapag-advance study niya ako because he doesn't want me to taint the Lopez name lalo na't sa isang elite na paaralan ako nag-aaral ay pinapatugtug nya lang ako ng piano, its one of my talent that he helped me honed before.

Mahigpit din sya when it comes to music. Bawal kaming magpatugtog sa bahay ng mga music tulad ng nakasanayan ng mga kabataan by my age. It's either, classical, instrumental or opera music.

Kaya naman sinong mag-aakalang ang isang tulad ko ay tatapak sa mga lugar gaya nito dati? Mapait akong ngumiti. What love can do to a person, I don't know if it has limits.

I feel like an outcast. Even now, I feel like I don't have a place to fit in. Napailing nalang ako. This is not a time for self pity. I need to be strong.

Umandar na ang taxi kasabay ng pagtunog ng cellphone ko.

"I just read your text. Kaka-land mo lang ba?" ang matinis na boses ni Chastity ang bumungad sa akin. Ngumisi ako. "Actually, I'm on my way to Radisson. I hailed a cab and I need to rest so we can catch up tomorrow. Okay?"

Narinig ko syang bumuntong hininga. "Di ka ba uuwi sa inyo? Please, Marga. Tito Manuel needs you." puno ng lungkot ang boses nya.

I scoffed. "It certainly didn't feel like it, and you know that." I bitterly responded.

"I know. We made mistakes in the past but it doesn't mean that we are not regretting it now because at some point, we are. Marga, matanda na si Tito. You may not feel something now but you will certainly feel something later. And if I were you, it's better now than later." malumanay na saad niya.

Natahimik naman ako. Yes, malaki ang gap namin ng ama ko even before the scandal 6 years ago but deep down alam kong mahal ko sya. He's my father.

"I love you, Margarette. Okay? Now go home, freshen up and let's hang out. Bye!" bago pa ako makatutol ay pinatay na ni Chastity ang tawag.

Stuck on traffic, I can't seem to forget what Chastity said. Tila kweba ang isip ko and her voice keeps on echoing in my head. Naikuyom ko ang aking mga kamay and before I could stop myself, I made a decision I will surely regret.

"Kuya, sa Banilad nalang po. Maria Luisa Park."