tol beans to the third power (dan & phil + keanu reeves)

chappie 2

*Dan's POV*

Intonces, fui agarrar... I MEAN I MEAN I grabbed Keanu's delicate hand. (Sorry, jaja, I'm bilingual).

So, as I was saying, I invited him to lunch, with me and Phil. His jowls quivered as he answered.

"I-I'd be honoured... I really don't know what to say."

"Don't speak. Just follow me," I reassured him. He slowly sauntered after me, trembling, and mumbling to himself. We exited the building, and found the nearest coffee shop on google maps. It was very far away. We seemed to walk for miles... My feet started to blister and ache. I suddenly remembered my chronic athlete's foot. It camed from the spanish side of the family.

My thoughts were interrupted by a sudden urge to use the loo

Haha I think i heard once that british people say that Xp

So I rushed to the toilet. The room was completely slilent, with not a single sign of human life. Intonces, I unzippered my pants and sacando mi member. The light yellow fluid dripped out of me like drizzling rain. I sighed deeply with relief. "Someone's gonna have a hard time cleaning this up" I thought to myself. I exited the bathroom to see Keanu lying on the ground! "What happened?" I asked.

"Someone punched Keanu and he fell over!" Phil loudly exclaimed. Keanu began to whimper, and then sadly weep. Large, gaping wounds stretched across his face.

"I guess I'm just too weak," Keanu mummered quietly. My hand gently met his feeble face as Phil rushed to Tesco to get a first aid kit. As Phil ran away, I explored the crevices of keanu's face. suddenly, i realized how beautiful he was. i knew his glistening eyes and porous face would gleam in my mind forever. suddenly, i felt a pang of guilt wash over me. I couldn't think thoughts like this, it would be unloyal to phil. I MEAN NOTHING. ME AND PHIL AREN'T DATING, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? okay, the truth is out. I've been dating Phil for Five years. Honestly, it started as a joke and now im too scared to i hate him tbh. but i have to stay with him for the phans. even though they don't know... but i can't help but wish i could be with keanu.

Suddenly, my phone rang. The caller was not in my contacts. I picked up and a lady said "Hi Danisnotonfire! Oops, I mean Dan Howell! I've been a fan for so long, sometimes i get confused. Phil was hit by a car!" I gasped.

"what's wrong?" keanu gasped openly about his feelings. "Phil is in the hospital in a coma!" I revealed. Keanu's face was full of shock...
TO BE CONTINUED!