( My first book ever so excuse the jump from topics I just wanna air my thoughts out )
To begin with what is "life", is it living a certain amount of years and just dying from natural causes or a horrific death? Not to be pessimistic but no really what is it? It's selfish if you ask me. We're put on this earth to watch our loved ones die while we hurt from it, or to cause pain to another human being no matter how it's done the damage is done and why is it like that I question. I'm not very religious but how come a man who's holy and so great allow us to experience this type of enduring everlasting pain. This sounds like a suicide note but it really isn't it's the thoughts that run thru my head constantly. I'm haunted by theories and past experiences. I seem strong and fine but in all honesty I'm a coward in all honesty we all are, we allow our habits to get the best of us. Drug use, depression, etc and some of this is uncontrollable you're born with it but still this goes back to my point. Why us what makes us the chosen one to be born this way. Why do I have to live feeling this way. Feeling as if I'm not capable of doing anything right, like I'll never amount to anything great.
Life is unfair if you ask me, people have kids with no intent of being the best parents they can be and it's their fault to blame. Neglect-ion, abuse whether it's physical or verbal it can take a toll on kids. Some kids grow up broken because of this. I know people like this who were born into a home that was broken and it's sad it isn't fair, such a genuine heart that has to with stand this abuse that they didn't sign up for. It's a never ending cycle these kids grow up to raise more broken kids, when will this cycle ever end I ask? Maybe never, maybe they'll meet someone who will guide them towards the light that they have been strayed from all their life, but even then it'll take a time to recuperate when all you've known is how to be a broken child and take up after your parents.
Addiction, Temptation, Relationships
This is a awful thing to admit but I have commitment issues, I have no one to blame except myself. I'm the one who chose to sneak around and cheat and fall into temptation. As of today I'm tired mentally of all the shit I put myself through and others. I would say it's not on purpose but then again I'm very aware of my actions so I choose not to play victim. I constantly try to better myself, but that's where the addiction comes into play. I'm addicted to the thrill of sex, the feeling of getting that release when it isn't even that great, giving my forbidden temple to someone I don't even like to be completely honest just because of my unhealthy habits that I choose to continue to do. Sex isn't even that great if you feel nothing for the person, this whole fucking multiple females agenda isn't for me and I don't see how guys do it. It damages me mentally and makes me feel like I'm numb to everything like I can't love like I can't care for a good girl that's right in front of my fucking face because I'm so caught in my ways and I feel so fucking dumb. It honestly makes me hate myself at times.
I'm done with this first page I wonder if anyone is even going to read this shit.
YOU ARE READING
What is life?
SpiritualA composure of my thoughts. I'll try to air out and relate to everyone as much as possible. If you're up late and deep thought this is for you.
