Complicated: A collection

Cliche

When we met I had zero intentions of loving you. I was too young and you, well you were not. You were my teacher, a man I respected very much. I have no idea how that translated into wishing you were mine.

When I finally realized how I felt about you this sort of angst built up inside me and I worried way too much about you ever finding out. I guess in the long run, I should have realized how obvious I was.

I remember the day everything changed.

You were cleaning off the giant board as the bell rang and I rushed to finish a sentence in my notes. With your devilish charm and dazzling smile you walked up to me with a grin from ear to ear.

"You know you're going to be late right?"

Because I was writing my notes and trying to still my mile a minute heart it took me forever to look up at you. I should have kept my head down.

When I did finally look up your face was way too much for me. Your eyes were lit up teasing me and I couldn't breathe. Laughing, playing off how much you were driving me crazy I closed my binder and got up. Putting space between us seemed the best idea.

But you had other ideas.

You stepped closer and reached out. I swear my stomach fell through my shoes and I froze. Your finger traced my skin as you tucked my hair behind my ear.

"So how's your writing going?"

Business again. Coughing, breaking my body out of its freak out, I searched for a good response.

"Angsty, as usual."

I smiled, to cover the fact I was terrified. I could not let you see just how much I wanted to close the inches between us. I had no right to want you. I had to remember that.

"Why do you think that is?"

I wondered how you did that, saw right through me. I felt so close to you, and still so freaking far away.

"Um...it's interesting to me I guess".

You laughed and I could feel butterflies explode throughout me. You were absolutely beautiful.

You stepped closer again. Every step closer was another part of me I gave to you. It was so easy to do that.

"So no inspiration for happy things?"

You were looking at me so intensely with your green eyes and long lashes that I could barely speak.

"I. I haven't met the right person yet."

I was trying to seem normal, but with you I had to limit myself. Why open up to someone you could never have?

You nodded, looking down.

In that second you looked so sad I wanted nothing more than to pull you into my arms and comfort you. Before I could stop myself I stepped closer and brought my hand under your chin and lifted it up. My hands acting before my brain, froze, realizing you were not mine to touch.

You brought your hand up to mine and smiled a smile filled with sadness.

"This is wrong. You know that."

I did. I knew very well all the reasons why my heart felt so full it could burst, and yet so broken I could die.

Tears rushed down my face suddenly and you rushed forward pulling me into you.

You smelled perfect. Like everything I imagined and I wondered if a Sunday morning with you would feel like this. We both slowly pulled back and our lips met as if they were created with the others in mind.

Your lips were soft and sure, kissing me like I was going to disappear. My stomach twisted into knots though, wondering how much worse I would feel later.

When you pulled away I wondered just how badly you were about to break my heart.

You surprised me instead.

"I'm pretty sure I love you, and that's complicated. But I don't really care."

That was the beginning of us.

I woke up to the smell of bacon and I couldn't help but be happy. Jumping up to brush my teeth I grabbed your button up from the floor and started buttoning almost all the way up.

I made my way to the bathroom and got to brushing. I had a song stuck in my head and started dancing. Then I saw you, and butterflies erupted all through me. Flashes of last night came back, leaving a blush from my forehead to my cheek.

Your blue eyes smiled bigger than your mouth did, watching me in silence. Then your arms were circling me, bringing me closer to you. Always pulling me closer. I could feel your strength through your shirt and ached for you again.

Spitting the toothpaste out and wiping my mouth I turned to face you, loving how it felt looking up at you. Your dark, curly hair, was soft underneath my fingers. I ran my hand through your locks and playfully tugged your head back, exposing your jawline, your beautiful jawline.

I took full advantage of the access, laying open kisses slowly down your neck to my favorite spot in the junction between neck and shoulder. Once I heard you groan I knew I was going to get my way, again.

And then I was shoved up against a wall, my legs curled around your waist, you pressing into me. Your relentless kiss had me breathless, and you repaid the favor of my demonstrations twofold.

Your shirt found its way to the floor again and I was reminded how much I only fantasized about a moment like this. And then we were connected again and I was transported to a land of love and infinite pleasure. We found our way back to your huge bed. You cherished my body over and over and I was reminded why I fell for you back then.

Eventually after it seemed like we couldn't get enough we caught our breaths side by side, simply looking at each other. The struggle. It had all been worth it to be right in front of you.

"What are you thinking?"

You could always see when gears were turning away.

"Just that everything was worth this. Being able to love you without fear now. Without the ache."

Your face turned sad and I smoothed the sudden wrinkles with my thumb.

"I'm pretty sure I love you."

I smiled at the echoed words. My ring suddenly caught the light. I had somehow forgotten.

"Do you like it, I can get another one. You never have to worry about money again if you-"

I cut you off with a kiss.

"I love it. It's just so. Us."