Ruthless

Chapter Four

Summer
18 years old

Bright white lights, a dirty concrete building, and about five racks full of junk food and one filled with miscellaneous items like a wrench and aspirin, a front counter with two registers and a case containing a grill smothered in hot dogs, taquitos, also known as rolled tacos, and an oven compartment acting as a display case with pizza, wings, and actual mini tacos. A 7-Eleven store. This is where I ran into B**** about three weeks ago.

I was with my niece, D*******, and she had no idea who he was. Sure, they "dated" in middle school or junior high, that's middle school, and no one really remembers.

We were walking into the bright white lights of the concrete building when they saw us. They, B**** and his friend A****, were at the front of the store by the registers and grill. Instantly, they broke into laughter when they saw me.

But let me go back. I sent him a text message. I wanted him to know what he did to me, and I was hoping he was sorry. He wasn't.

The text reads, "The last night we ever had together, relationship wise, I had said no. I said no over and over again and you coerced me into sucking your dick. I remember your hand on the back of my head, and I didn't like it. I felt forced, and I remember crying. I cried when you dropped me off, and I cried myself to sleep that night--and many nights after. You hurt me. And to me, I felt raped. That's how I felt, and that's how I still see you. As someone I was so in love with I ran back to after calling W*** and telling him what I went through. And a few months later when I was truly, with no other way to describe it, raped by someone I trusted on the public floor of a bathroom, I didn't have the balls to tell you so I said I was seeing someone else. And then we got back together and you dumped me for the satisfaction of knowing you dumped me, and I was hurt all over again. I have PTSD from when I was molested as an 8 year old, and I have flashbacks still from what you and that other kid did to me. And I was you to know I'll never trust another man again and I can never truly unseen myself as a dirty whore because that's what you made me feel like. And I hope you don't laugh at this, and I hope the next girl you have any kind of sex with, you ask her if she;s okay with it every step of the way. I never want you to do this to another girl. And no, I don't think you knew what you were doing, but the damage is done. And after this, I don't want to speak to you again. But I forgive you. And I wish you a great life, B****."

He responded like a typical rapist and said he didn't do anything wrong, and if he did I should have said more than "no."

Back to the 7-Eleven.

Instantly, they broke into laughter when they saw me. I must have been the crazy ex-girlfriend he can't get away from, the girl that called "rape" when she "couldn't think of another excuse to break up with him." To them, I was a joke. But to me?

I was screaming on the inside. This kid, two years and two months ago, raped me. He forced his dick down my throat and didn't let my hair go when I started crying. He didn't listen when I said "no," and certainly didn't care. He didn't care. He didn't care.

I started to panic and my 18-year-old niece could feel it. I couldn't even remember why we went in that damned store, but I had to get out. I was hyperventilating. I could feel his eyes on me from his black, compact car, and I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. I wanted to disappear.

That was the first night in three months I had a nightmare about being raped and killed. Back to chronic nightmares and being too afraid to walk down the street and being too horrified every car is his. Back to hiding in my house that's right across the street from his, and back to sitting there wondering when he'd come for me. Deep in my heart I knew he would one day.