keep me cold

Meeting 2 (part one)

the rowdy teens file into the room, just like last week. i sit on the uncomfortable plastic chair, my back aching as i slouch over. i scan the faces as they come in, searching for one pair of captivating dark blue eyes. before i find them, a figure steps in front of me, blocking my view.

"hey Daniel!" i look up to see Becca standing over me, a wide smile plastered on her thin lips. i smile weakly and she sits down in the chair next to mine. "how are you?" she asks, making light conversation as she unwraps the scarf from around her neck. i take a deep breath and sit up straight, the bones in my back cracking in the process. 

"I'm fine." I'm not fine. her eyes scan my face and i can tell that she sees straight through the lie. i divert my eyes, not wanting to see her disapproving look. i look down into my lap where my hands lie. they don't look like my hands. they're too rough. they look like man hands. i see a pale hand rest on top of them. the thumb gently rubs up and down my palm. i take another deep breath. this one is shaky, like I'm on the verge of tears. out of the corner of my eye i see Becca looking up quickly before leaning in closer to me and whispering. 

"there's still ten minutes till the meeting is meant to start. do you want to step outside with me?"

...

it's already dark outside even though it's barely seven pm, and the November air nips at my cheeks. Becca and i walk across the deserted playground's hard concrete ground. under the amber glow of a distant street light, it looks eerie and mystical. i let her lead me over to a bench that sits with its back against the playground wall. as we sit on the frigid metal rungs, i survey our surroundings. from this spot i can see most of the playground and the imposing school building that towers above. large steps lead up to the front door and i wonder how many kids walk up those steps every morning with their head hung low and a heavy heart. 

"Daniel." Becca's soft voice comes from my side and her hand finds her way onto my arm in a comforting action. i look at her, her eyebrows are knitted together and she looks genuinely concerned. "what's going on?" i take a shaky breath, the air rattling through my fragile rib cage. 

"something happened the other day that..." i trail off, searching for the right words. Becca's hand gently squeezes my arm in a way of saying: its okay, take your time. "it brought back a lot of memories that I've taken a lot of time and effort to put away." i take a second to control my breathing before i continue. "all I've been able to think about for days now is those memories and... and..." i struggle to keep salty tears from leaking from my eyes. "i miss them." i whisper into the cold nights air. the tears spill over onto my cheek and sting when they hit the frozen wind. 

"oh, honey." she says softly, cooing slightly, before wrapping her puffer jacket clad arms around my shaking form and pulling me into her soft body. at her caring touch, i let go. tears stream down my cheeks and my sobs escape in unattractive gasping breaths. 

"i just- i-" she leans back to let me speak. "i- i- i-" i gulp and try to wipe some of the salty mess away with the back of my hand. my attempt is futile so i easily give up. there's a couple of seconds while i breath deeply, trying to regain my composure. "the two people i love..." i say, more to myself than to her. "the only two people who have ever cared about me... gone. just like that." i click my fingers slowly, the movement bringing a shock through my frosty fingertips. 

"life's not fair that way." i almost forget that Becca is sitting right beside me and when she finally speaks, it startles me. 

"you're telling me." i let out a sarcastic laugh.

"its okay. i know what you're going through." i look up at her, confused. "I've lost so many people in my life that I've lost count. all the way through my life death has followed me." her eyes go misty in the fog of memories. "when i was younger i thought i was cursed." it's my turn to lend her a comforting hand. she seems to snap out of her trance at my touch and smiles sadly. "but wallowing in sadness isn't going to change anything." i nod. she's right. of course she's right. after a couple seconds she takes a deep breath and jumps to her feet. "come on," she outreached a hand to me. "the meetings going to start soon."

...

the first half of the meeting drags on. Pete takes it upon himself to talk about nothing much for at least twenty minutes. i zone out mid way though and think about what Becca said. i need to move on. even though it hurts me, i have to move away from those memories. move away from them. but i guess that's what i tried to do when i ran away. the memories caught up to me soon enough. 

"Daniel." someone shrugs me with their elbow. it's Sam. he smiles at me softly. even since that day, he's been so gentle with me, like I'm a china doll that balancing on the edge of a table. any movement will send me crashing to the floor. 

"huh?" i ask, not hearing what he just said. 

"i said, do you want to take the group in the far corner and ill take the other one?" seeing the confused expression on my face he sighs. "we're doing map reading. here." he hands me a sheet with symbols and coordinates on it and a red marker pen. 

"thanks." i say, still trying to grasp the situation. just as i stand up, Sam grabs my arm. 

"are we gonna talk about..." his voice in quiet and secretive. my body goes stiff, remembering the way i collapsed to the floor and shook in his arms. wow, i really have been crying a lot recently. my eyes dart around the room, looking anywhere other than his eyes. he sees me shifting uncomfortably and immediately releases the grip on my arm. "later?" i nod, still not meeting his gaze, and shuffle off towards the group I'm meant to be working with. 

{author's note]

thoughts?

i promise from now on there will be more about the actual story line. most of the context shit is out of the way.

if you liked this then vote and comment letting me know. i like to be told I'm talented.

(not quite before 11:00 but... better late than never @FaithGoldie )